If you are a woman who is going through cancer treatment, she probably had to adapt to many changes in your life. You may have seen some dramatic changes in your sex life, also – changes that you may not have prepared.
You may not be able to have sex with the way you used to. You may be facing hormonal changes that affect your level of desire. You may feel confused about your partner or relationship. Or maybe you feel anxious about starting a new relationship after cancer treatment.
No matter what you are experiencing, it is normal to worry about your sex life. Your sexuality is part of who you are. Today we will look at some of the issues facing women’s survivors and some strategies to deal with them.
Natural challenges
- Hormonal changes. For some women, cancer treatment causes menopause, the time when a woman’s ovaries stop producing eggs and her menstrual periods stop. Along with menopause there are lower levels of two hormones, estrogen and androgens. Estrogen helps your vagina ready for sex, making it the longest, wider and greasy. Androgen affects your sexual movement. After menopause, these hormonal changes can cause vaginal dryness and waterproofing or loss of desire. Talk to your doctor if you have problems. For dryness, you can try water -based lubricants, a vaginal moisturizing cream or vaginal hormones. For loss of desire, your doctor may prescribe small doses of androgen.
- Pain. Pain during sex is common for many women. Vaginal dryness and waterproofing or changes in genitals from cancer treatment are common causes. Be sure to discuss any sexual pain with your doctor. He or she can give you tips tips tailored to you. Talk to your partner about what she’s doing and doesn’t work for you. You may need to discover new ways to touch each other or try new positions and techniques to make the experience enjoyable for you. Try to be patient and open.
- Fatigue. Breast cancer and treatment can be exhaustive. You may feel very tired of sex. Try planning intimacy for times you have more energy, such as early in the morning or afternoon.
Emotional challenges
Many women feel anxious about the changes resulting from cancer treatment and how they will be perceived by others.
- Body image. Your body may seem different from cancer treatment. Losing a chest or hair, having scars of surgery, weight changes – all of which can make you feel less attractive. You may worry that these changes will turn off your partner. Some women feel better when they emphasize the positive. You may try a new style of clothes or makeup to give you a push. Some women wear a breast form or test different skin treatments. Remember that healthy eating and exercise can also make you feel better! Also remember that you are still you, beautiful inside and out. As the National Cancer Institute says, “Try to recognize that you are more than your cancer. You know you are worth it – no matter how you see or what is happening to you in life.”
- Dating. Starting new relationships can be fun and exciting, but women in cancer treatment may feel anxious about it. When should you tell your partner about your cancer? How will he or she react? You can just start enjoying time with your friends and family. Take part in activities you enjoy or try new ones. You may not come across a new partner, but it will enhance your spirits and confidence to be out and about. When you meet someone new, enjoy the experience. When the relationship becomes more serious and when you feel that you trust the person, you can introduce the issue of cancer. Try practicing what you will say with a good friend and ask for comments. Also think of the many ways man can react and how to handle them. Do not assume that the person will reject you. If the relationship has a steady basis with care and trust, the person will probably want to be with you, cancer or not.
Other concerns
- Is it okay to have sex? Many women wonder if it is safe to have sex during or immediately after cancer treatment. Your doctor may better answer this question. If you just had surgery, sex could pull the stitches, so it might be better to wait a little. Unusual bleeding is another concern. Some treatments for cancer, such as radiation and chemotherapy, can interfere with your immune system and make you more sensitive to infections. Ask your doctor for any precautions you need to receive.
- Irradiation. Some women who have radiotherapy are worried that they can pass along the radiation to their partner. Again, this is a concern best treated than your doctor. In general, if the radiation comes from a machine outside your body, it does not remain radiation in your body. So, in this case, you will not pass radiation to your partner. However, radiation from a radioactive implant placed in your womb or vagina can be transferred to your partner, so it is best to ask your doctor when you can have sex again.
Talk to your doctor.
Your doctor may not have sexual problems, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. Don’t hesitate to talk! He or she may know the drug. And even if your doctor does not have all the answers, he can refer you to someone who does, such as a sexual therapist or consultant. And there is nothing wrong to see a specialist.
Talk to your partner.
If the changes in your sex life are worried, be sure to talk to your partner. Together, you and your partner can stifle ways to customize your sexual repertoire. For example, if vaginal contact is unpleasant, try oral sex or kiss and hug. (Read more about sexual pain here.)
You may also take more time to fully cause. If so tell your partner what you need. Take advantage of that moment to experiment and just enjoy each other.
Your partner may be nervous for sex, also fearing to hurt you or do something “wrong”. If an activity hurts, in every way you say it. But if you lose an old activity or contact, let your partner know.
Consider treatment.
You know you’re not alone. Depression and anxiety, audiences in patients with breast cancer and survivors, can also affect your sex life. If you think you need help, consider treatment or a support team. Providing couples for couples and sexual treatment can also help you process changes in your relationship.
Proceeding
Remember, your sex life was probably important to you before cancer. There is no reason not to be important now. Cancer and treatment should not prevent you from having a healthy, fulfilling sex.
To find out more about breast cancer and sexuality, see these links:
Survivors of Breast Cancer face sexual concerns
The effects of cancer on women’s sexuality
Cancer and sex for single women
Special treatment treats body image in surviving breast cancer
Breast cancer treatment could maintain ovarian function
Breast cancer has sexual impact on both survivors and partners
For survivors of breast cancer, sexual concerns can take years
Additional resources
Breastcancer.org
‘Changes in your sex life’
(Last modified: June 13, 2017)
Schwartz, Dr. Pepper through Prnewswire
“Breast Cancer and intimacy: Tips for survivors to tackle sexual dysfunction and recover trust”
(October 16, 2018)
