Within: As a nutritionist-mom, I have learned many important lessons after 20 years of feeding children. Some of them the hard way.
When I started Real Mom Nutrition, our firstborn was 5.
Then I blinked and it was 20.
There’s something about this kind of milestone – a new, round decade – that makes you stop and think. And remove some happy/sad tears.
Like all parents, I have learned many lessons along the way. Like no, you won’t always be scared when your child is behind the wheel of the car. And yes, kids will eventually pee in the potty without the promise of an M&M.
I’ve also learned a lot about feeding children – and I learned some of those lessons the hard way.
1. The one bite rule works…until it doesn’t
Our oldest child eagerly ate a bite of each new food and I thought I had it all figured out.
Until our second child came along.
He didn’t want to take “just one bite”, and it would turn into a battle of wills, leaving us all miserable and exhausted (and he never took that one bite).
The same goes for any kind of feeding strategy or advice – including this blog: What works swimmingly with one child may not work with another.
Even two children who grow up in the same home with the same meals and habits can have very different preferences and habits. Example: While I was a picky eater, my brother ate almost anything without complaint.
Get more: Should you make your child take just one bite?
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff
You know those parenting moments you wish you could take a digression from, the ones that make you wake up at 2 a.m. in a puddle of regret? (No? Just me?)
One of mine happened at an Ohio State football game where I had a meltdown with the kids who wanted soda. Tempers flared and I ruined what could have been a fun family day out. Over sugar.
Back then, I worried that every bite or sip was somehow dooming my kids to a life of disease and sugar addiction if we didn’t order water.
Thankfully, I’ve slimmed down a lot over the years and found a much healthier mindset about food and balance for my kids. And for myself.
Get more: How intuitive eating can help you make peace with food
3. Serve salads early and often
I beat myself up about some things, but this is one move I’m glad I made: I started serving green salads early in my kids’ lives, and now they both happily eat them and order them out at restaurants.
I value it highly for two reasons:
- They saw salad almost every night at dinner and learned that vegetables, especially leafy greens, are not tasty.
- They learned to eat different kinds of food mixed together when things like chopped carrots or diced peppers were added. Eating mixed dishes is a big deal for some kids, especially picky eaters.
Get more: How to teach your kids to love salad
4. Making just one meal sets you free
As a former super picky eater who rarely ate what my dear mom cooked for dinner, I didn’t want to go down the buttered noodle road with my own kids.
So from scratch I just made a meal each night, deconstructing some mixed dishes (like the photo above) and allowing the kids to opt out of certain components of the meal, like a sauce or a certain vegetable, if they wanted to.
I made sure there was something on the table that they liked, even if it was just rice, and I decided I would be okay if they only had that rice for dinner occasionally.
In my mind, if I didn’t give my kids a no-food card in the form of PBJs or chicken nuggets, they’d be more motivated to eat whatever I made. And in general, that’s how it was.
Learn more: The dinnertime rule that will change your life
5. People’s food choices are their own business
I cringe when I read some of my early posts. I was judgmental and into other people’s business, especially when it came to snacking.
I learned the hard way that food choices are emotional and personal, especially when it comes to what people feed their children, and that I have no right to tell others what to do.
Sometimes these food choices affected my own children, like when cupcakes were taken to the soccer fields after practice.
But there are better ways to force that shame or sting to change.
Do I still believe in healthy group snacks? Yes. Do I wish I had done it differently? Also yes.
Get more: How parents can create a healthy team snack program for kids’ sports
6. The only constant is change
It’s Murphy’s Law of parenting: Once you feel like you’ve finally mastered a phase or stage, everything changes.
But I have found that the opposite is also true. Once you accept that your child is never going to enjoy piano lessons, remember to say thank you, or like green beans, they may surprise you.
That’s why you should never write off a food forever, even if your child has refused it years. Our youngest son didn’t eat cucumbers–until he plucked one from a restaurant salad I had one night and announced he wanted to try them. Ditto for the guacamole. Our oldest son refused pesto for years before deciding it was good.
To this day, my mom still occasionally looks at my plate and says, “Now are you eating this?”
Get more: Your child hates vegetables. now what?
7. Hungry children feed more easily
When my kids were little, my purse was full of boxes of raisins and containers of crackers. All it took was a hunger-induced meltdown at Target and I never left home without an arsenal of snacks for my kids. Just in case.
But I learned that kids who snack all day aren’t really hungry for meals, which can make them look much more selective than they really are.
Sure, snacks can be helpful. But it’s okay for kids to be hungry. It is the natural order of things. So before you label your child as a picky eater, think about how hungry they are when they actually come to the table.
Get more: 5 Easy Mistakes That Make Picky Eating Worse
8. Comparison is the thief of joy
Just because your friend’s kid loves quinoa doesn’t mean yours should. And just because that kid on Instagram gets sushi and cucumber salad in a bento box at school for lunch doesn’t make your kid’s brown bag PBJ inferior.
Comparing our child to someone else’s is never helpful – whether it’s how quickly they slept through the night, which college they got accepted to. Or what (and how much) they eat.
Get more: The Kind of Eaters I Want My Kids to Be and Why Boring Packed Meals Might Be Best for Some Kids
9. Those two extra bites don’t matter
They may even make things worse.
How much time did I waste deciding how many more bites each child had to take of each food on their plate before they were “done”? Too.
When I stopped micromanaging and started trusting my kids to eat what they needed, they actually did.
Yes, sometimes they would jump off the table after a few bites and announce that they were hungry again as soon as they cleared the dishes. But in time, they understood – and I could go back to focusing on my plate, not theirs.
Get more: Why pressuring kids to eat doesn’t work (and what to do instead)
10. Family dinner just gets better
“Family dinner” has a great ring to it, but it’s not always great. Family dinner can be especially hard when the kids are very young. They are tired. You are tired. Someone spills something. And someone is crying because the slice of pizza is cut into pieces but they wanted it whole.
My husband and I have had some rough dinners with our kids. But we kept our eyes on the prize: Sure, kids can’t take forever to stir up the color of their cup, and eventually, they’d learn how to pour their own milk and sit still for more than two and a half minutes.
So we kept it and made family dinner a priority. Over time, it got much better. My oldest even named family dinner his favorite family tradition on a college application (*sob!*).
Learn more: The truth about family dinner
11. Even naughty children need to learn to cook
I tried and tried to get my kids into the kitchen. I was embarrassed that I had a blog about feeding the kids and wrote about the importance of teaching kids to cook – yet my two had no pleasure in helping make a meal.
There were brief periods of excitement and moments when they were overcome with the urge to cook or bake. But overall, they resisted. And instead of pushing, I turned on some good podcasts and enjoyed some alone time in the kitchen.
However, now my college kid is getting ready to live on his own and I’m giving him a crash course in how to cook chicken breasts. I wish I had made cooking non-negotiable. (Thankfully, HelloFresh meal kits help me get my youngest son into the kitchen more often.)
Get more: Easy and healthy meal prep for college kids
12. Serve foods you don’t like
Another mistake on our part. My husband and I are recovering picky eaters and between us, we have a handful of foods we still don’t like, like tomatoes and eggplant.
So, I did not incorporate these foods into our meals. And as a result, our kids don’t eat those foods either. *Cue sad trombone*
I know there is still time. It’s never too late to learn to like a new food. But it would be easier if we did it from the beginning.
Get more: I Was A Picky Eater. Here’s what I want you to know.
13. A happy dinner is more important than anything else
It doesn’t matter how many bites of cauliflower they took or who had their elbows on the table (like my kid above!).
It matters if your children feel safe and accepted at the dinner table, not whining and being punished for what they eat – or, rather, don’t eat.
So, as much as you can, keep the dinner party enjoyable. Ask silly questions. Play little games. Know that it will get better.
Because time flies fast. And before you know it, you’ll miss having those little elbows on the table too.
Get more: Family mealtime conversation starters that get kids talking
