About three months into a new relationship, on Valentine’s Day, Leighton couldn’t sleep from a terrible cold. At about 2am he caught whatever cold he could find because he was desperate to sleep. At about 5 am, he woke up again and threw up. She assumed it was due to taking multiple medications that were partially expired, so she decided she would sleep until work at noon and was sure she would feel better then. When she wasn’t feeling well at work, she grabbed an old pregnancy test from the car just to be sure and was amazed to see an incredible positive 3 minutes later.
While the pregnancy was mostly health-free, it didn’t start out that way. At 7 weeks, Layton woke up around 4am in a pool of blood. The ER called it a threatened miscarriage, gave a 50/50 chance of a continued healthy pregnancy, ordered pelvic rest, and instructed her to call the OB immediately to see her. The OB said she didn’t need to be seen for another 5 weeks and when she finally went they said it was a subchorionic hematoma that was no big deal and never needed a pelvic rest. While the SCH healed perfectly, the relationship never resumed sexually. Layton blamed herself and her body.
Leighton’s partner at the time was in a police academy and was only given one day off for the baby’s birth. Her family also lived two states away, so her OB agreed to an elective induction after her due date to allow for as much support as possible. Leighton wanted her partner, mom and grandma with her for the birth. He consistently argued that it was not fair to include his mother. This was the beginning of him not being sure what decisions Leighton was allowed to make for herself.
At 39 weeks, Leighton’s regular OB was unexpectedly out of town, so she saw a midwife. The midwife scoffed at Leighton’s request to be checked but did it anyway and said it was maybe just a finger if she was being generous. He proceeded to lecture Leighton on the potential consequences of an elective induction and epidural. Then again, Leighton already felt very shaky in her ability to make decisions, so this made her feel like she was being selfish instead of being a good mom.
On October 24th, Leighton had contractions for 3 hours with her mom. When she left for the hospital with her partner, they slowed down and eventually stopped. The next day was her last prenatal appointment and the OB scheduled her for admission that night at 8pm.
They arrived at the hospital at 8 p.m. and Leighton was given Cytotec around 9:00 p.m. Her mother-in-law appeared almost immediately, but promised to leave when the time came. They started the Pitocin at about 10:30pm and shortly after the contractions got really strong. He had an epidural at about 12am and slept until 7am when he woke up under pressure. The midwife on call was the same midwife from the 39 week appointment and Leighton knew the shift change was at 7am so she kept quiet until the new midwife came in. They didn’t do any testing because Leighton’s water had broken earlier in the night, but the feeling of pressure was building. At about 9am, the new midwife came in to check and said she found the baby’s head instead, so she started pushing. After 15 minutes of pushing, Selah was born. Leighton immediately thought that she was beautiful, but also that she didn’t look right. Leighton and her partner raised concerns about her lack of movement or crying and the royal blue color of her skin more than eight times before they were taken seriously. The NICU team rushed in, as did her mother-in-law, while Leighton was on stirrups waiting for the placenta and stitches. The father and mother-in-law took the baby to the NICU.
The placenta and stitches took about 45 minutes, and at the time the nurses asked Leighton to get up and use the bathroom because they “needed the bed.” She insisted she wasn’t ready and was still pretty numb, but they grabbed her hands and pulled her anyway. He passed out in the bathroom. She woke up maybe 2 hours later feeling angry but not sure who to direct it at. After 5 hours, the mother-in-law was finally told to leave the NICU so Leighton could see her baby. Once he arrived, he was told Selah had a lot of fluid in one lung and needed help breathing.
For four days, she went to most feedings to nurse. On the second day, the aisles were closed so they were about 5 minutes late feeding. The nurse had already fed Selah formula, and scolded them for being late and asked them not to hold the baby. At the next feeding, Leighton nursed and the nurse slapped Selah’s hand away from her cheek. After that, Leighton yelled at the nurse to get a new nurse for the baby. The same midwife who wasn’t very good came back, and when she came to check on Leighton, she broke down and told her about the nurse too. The next morning, the midwife insisted they could stay until 8pm. the next night and that he would see to it that the problems in the ICU were taken care of. Not even 30 minutes later, Leighton was discharged and told they had to be out in 30 minutes and that the midwife had no authority to give us that information.
Once everyone was home, Leighton started to really feel the effect of sitting upright in a hospital chair in the ICU for so long. She went back to the doctor about the pain and was told there was a problem with how things healed, but that it shouldn’t be painful. Weaning Selah off formula was difficult, but she did it in 6 weeks. At the 6 week appointment, she was diagnosed with a cleft lip that had to be scalpeled in the office.
Dad kept falling asleep while feeding the baby, so Leighton did it himself. She soon learned that she also fell asleep while “watching” her to get Leighton to sleep, so she stopped doing that too. She refused to keep the baby so she could attend college classes. Leighton sleep trained Selah at 4 months, and thankfully it stuck very well. Unfortunately, at this point the abuse increased. Past sexual issues led to incidents of rape, he turned his guns on Leighton and the baby and refused to step in as a parent. They divorced when Selah was 9 months old and custody battles ensued.
Two years later, the same practice failed to report Leighton’s chlamydia test results to her for more than a year.
In Selah’s 3-year check-up basket, they found a heart murmur. It was eventually diagnosed as an atrial septal defect that she had just been born with. Layton took her out of state for treatment, which was an imperative decision for Sela’s sake. Connect with Leighton at @leighte01 on Instagram.
Resources
Ergobaby
This episode is sponsored by Ergobaby. Founded in 2003, Ergobaby pioneered the gold standard for comfortable, ergonomic soft structural carriers. Their commitment to providing parents with the foundation to thrive has led the company to create a wide range of award-winning products that fit into the everyday lives of families seamlessly, comfortably and safely – where function and quality are not compromised. In 2020, they launched Everlove by Ergobaby, a first-of-its-kind baby carrier buyback and resale program, a sustainability effort to support families and the planet. Check out Ergobaby’s Hugs in a soft mesh of air and news Evolve 3-in-1 Bouncer that we discussed on the podcast!
