Christmas can be hard. For some people, it increases loneliness, sadness, hopelessness and family tension, and the holiday season has a way of turning ordinary worries into urgent ones. Not because something terrible is guaranteed to happen, but because there’s often more at stake: money, time, family dynamics, travel, and expectations.
A great study found a small but steady decline in people’s well-being in the run-up to Christmas. A psychological process that often occurs under this pressure is worry.
It helps to separate worry from anxiety, because although they feel similar, they are not the same. Worry it’s mostly a thought process, often taking the form of “what if” questions like “what if I don’t make everyone happy?” or “what if the cooking goes wrong?”. It tends to be negative and focused on the future.
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Anxiety, in contrast, is the body’s threat system revved up. People may experience it as tension, dread, a racing heart or a rumbling stomach. But there is another part of the concern that is particularly important. The issue is rarely the first “what if” thought. It’s what happens next.
A psychological approach called metacognitive therapy it focuses on the beliefs people have about the same concern. These beliefs can quietly determine whether anxiety passes quickly or turns into a long spiral.
Some beliefs sound reassuring or even helpful. Research has identified positive beliefs such as “worrying helps me prepare,” “worrying prevents bad things from happening,” or “worrying shows that I care.”
Read more: Christmas can be stressful for many people – here’s what can help you get through the festive season
Others are more openly upset. Negative beliefs include thoughts such as ‘my worry is out of control’ or ‘my worry is dangerous’.
Together, these beliefs can perpetuate worry by making it feel urgent, important, and impossible to get away from.
When worry feels urgent and uncontrollable, people often try to manage it in ways that fail: answering a “what if” with another, seeking repeated reassurance, abusing alcohol, or trying to block out the thoughts altogether.
Breaking the Worry Pattern
One way to break this pattern is to catch the worry early and portray it as a text message.
A worrying thought arrives like a text on your phone: What if dinner goes wrong? What if things go wrong? What if they are disappointed with the gift?
You did not choose to receive the message. Often thoughts appear automatically. But the message contains a link and invites you to click on it. Clicking on the link leads to prolonged worry, increased anxiety, and 2am attempts to solve unresolved problems.
The bottom line is this: you may not control which messages arrive, but you can learn not to click on every link. This is the most controllable part of the concern.
One technique designed to do this is called “worry postponement,” and it’s more evidence-based than it sounds. Studies and reviews Show that postponing worry, or limiting it to a specific period of time, can reduce overall levels of worry.
The idea is simple. Postpone the engagement with worry, without pretending it isn’t there. Choose a daily “worry case” that isn’t right before bed. Five to ten minutes is enough.
When a message of concern arrives outside this window, do something small but intentional: notice it, label it as a concern, and postpone it. For example: “This is a concern message. I’ll deal with it at 7.30pm.” If it comes back later, do the same again: alert, name, snooze.
When it gets to 7.30pm you can deal with the worry if you choose, but only for the agreed time.
Many people forget to use the slot at all or find that after a day of putting off worrying they feel less motivated to start worrying. Evidence suggests that learning to control your response to worry reduces its power.
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Another useful step is to challenge beliefs about the utility of worry.
Worry is often disguised as protectiveness. It may feel like it prevents disappointment, shows how much you care, or prevents bad things from happening.
A study found that over 90% of people’s concerns, as recorded daily, were not realized.
Even when the issue is real, like money or a difficult family situation, worrying is not the same as dealing with the problem. Studies we suggest that getting stuck in worry can make people less clear, less confident, and more anxious than approaching the issue in a practical, step-by-step way:
If the work is preparation, planning works better than worrying.
If the task is to avoid conflict, setting a boundary is more effective than worrying.
If work shows care, actions matter more than worry.
Reframing these beliefs as another kind of scam message can make the concern feel less convincing and less click-worthy.
Christmas can be a difficult time, with increased pressures and expectations. Learning not to click on every worry link can make it more manageable. It’s a skill for life, not just for Christmas.
