There’s no doubt about it: becoming a mom is a momentous occasion! Because of this, it’s easy for people to focus on all the excitement and goodness that comes with the arrival of a new baby. That said, new motherhood isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. The truth is, new moms face a multitude of challenges day in and day out. Often, these challenges go unnoticed by others and are simply not talked about as much as they should be. Let’s explore some of these silent struggles new moms face after giving birth and some helpful ways to manage them as they arise.
Silent Struggles New Moms Face
New moms have a lot to look forward to, but becoming a mother also comes with some not-so-solicited changes and challenges. Whether you’re a new mom or caring for someone who is, the silent struggles new moms face shouldn’t be swept under the rug. New moms deserve to be seen — really, really seen. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. For example:
No one notices the mom who is up all night with her baby, but they notice if she wakes up late
New babies sleep a lot, which also means they wake up a lot.1 Because of this, healthy sleep is foreign to new mothers. After feeding, burping, changing, and comforting their tiny humans all day and night, new moms deserve permission (and encouragement!) to rest when they can. Ironically, this doesn’t usually happen “when the baby’s asleep.” Even more, new moms deserve to be supported in how they choose to be moms at night. For example, if a new mom decides not to sleep, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to rest like any other mom. All mothers do their best and deserve some grace.
No one notices mom struggling to breastfeed, but notices if she opts for formula instead
For some reason, society loves to pit breastfeeding moms against formula-fed moms — and vice versa. There’s an incredible amount of pressure on new moms to breastfeed, and we get it. We know that breast milk is great and that there are great benefits to breastfeeding for both mom and baby. However, at the end of the day, whether by choice or circumstance, she is doing what is best for herself and her baby. No one knows how much a new mom may have already thrown into trying to breastfeed, or why she chooses one feeding method over another. And it’s really nobody’s business. Breastfeeding and pumping are difficult and breastfeeding is not for everyone for many different reasons. Ultimately, new moms deserve support and the ability to make decisions about feeding their babies without outside control.
No one notices that mom is dealing with postpartum body changes, but notices if she hasn’t lost the baby weight
It really should come as no surprise that having babies radically changes women’s bodies. But unfortunately, people still tend to point out these changes. The whole idea of ”bouncing back” after six months postpartum boggles my mind as I have more than two years until I have my second child and yet they haven’t lost the baby weight. I’m still breastfeeding, waking up every few hours to take care of my two very young children, and still dealing with my hormones all over the place. New moms deserve to be reminded that their bodies are amazing and have created life. They should listen nothing about their “baby weight” by anyone, ever. Dot.
No one notices mom struggling with anxiety, depression, or scary thoughts, but they notice if she’s not fun to be around
Pregnancy and childbirth affect women far beyond what meets the eye. I, for one, worry more than I ever did before I had kids and have far less energy to give to anything outside of my own little family. I know I’m not the same spontaneous, carefree woman I was before motherhood, and I know I’m not alone. Still, people often expect moms to be their “old selves” after having kids. Postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression, and intrusive thoughts are very real issues. New mothers deserve care, understanding and support in their management.
No one notices the exhausted mom juggling multiple tasks, but notices her forgetfulness and irritability
New moms have a lot on their plate. In addition to feeding and cleaning pump parts, washing endless spit-covered clothes, doctor’s appointments, and everything else that comes with caring for new babies, the mental toll of motherhood is unparalleled. It’s no wonder new moms are forgetful, irritable, and often downright mentally damaged. There is so much to remember and stay on top of! New moms deserve thanks for daily and tangible help in dealing with endless to-do lists.
No one notices the single mom with a lack of support, but they notice when she doesn’t show up to her commitments (or shows up late)
Motherhood can be lonely and the “village” isn’t always what one would hope for. There is no welcoming committee celebrating you as you enter motherhood. You have to spend time and effort to create it yourself. But finding mom friends and building your village as you navigate new motherhood can be difficult and take time. Not to mention, new moms have enough on their plate to deal with — oftentimes, alone. Obviously, all of this sometimes leads to the occasional (or frequent) late arrival or last-minute cancellation. It can be overwhelming and very lonely. New mums deserve to be seen through the isolation and have practical help to make it all a little less isolating.
No one notices the mom who constantly worries about doing everything right, but notices if she makes a mistake
As moms, we are pretty hard on ourselves. We want to be the best moms we can and do everything right for our little ones, but we’re also learning our new role as a mother and learning our babies. With other people weighing in on our every move (and mistake), conquering motherhood can easily seem like a never-ending battle. Personally, I’ve always been an overachiever and a natural worrier. As a lifelong perfectionist, coming to terms with the fact that I was going to mess with my native was a humbling, hard experience. New moms deserve understanding, compassion and recognition because they are human. Not a crisis.
No one notices the guilty mom who leaves her baby for work or a date, but notices if she goes out without her child
If you are like me and it took months to feel comfortable leaving the house without your new baby, in order to keep your own appointments, alone time, or other personal needs, you probably know the guilt I’m talking about. People don’t realize how all-consuming new motherhood is and the enormous guilt that can come with learning how to be a person outside of “mom.” Instead of feeling even more guilty about going back to work or spending time away from their babies, new moms deserve permission (even encouragement!) to do just that and what’s best for their families.
Helpful tips for managing the challenges of new motherhood
Motherhood is a little bit of preparation and a lot of trial and error. There’s no guaranteed cure for the silent struggles women face in new motherhood, but there are steps you can take to help manage them. For example:
1. Find out what works for your family
Focus on what makes sense youyour baby and your family. Take a break from social media accounts that push parenting ideologies you’re not comfortable with. Get comfortable with politely negative unsolicited advice from friends and family.
2. Ask for support when you need it
People often want to help new moms, but they don’t always know it how to proceed to do so. Be specific in your requests. Whether it’s a hot meal, an extra set of hands to fold the laundry or make a run to the grocery store, or a session with baby while you sleep, you might be surprised to find that there’s a village . . . even if you have to wrap it up inside.
3. Make time for self-care
Commit to a chunk of consistent, regularly scheduled “mom” time and actually stick to it. Hit the gym, start therapy, go for a walk in the park or enjoy a latte in peace at your local coffee shop. Some alone time is critical for us moms. never feel bad about giving him space.
4. Continue with your own health
Prioritize keeping up with your own needs. Our bodies and Brains need a lot of extra TLC after birth, which sometimes requires contacting the professionals. Schedule regular medical appointments for thyself as required — and continue with the display.
5. Try Journaling
If you haven’t already, start journaling. This can be a great way to release the hard thoughts and feelings that come with motherhood. Even more, journaling can help you stay focused on everything good that comes with the job. Try to write down five “mom wins” you’ve accomplished each day. You are doing better than you think!
New moms don’t have to struggle alone
The silent struggles new moms face are alive and well. Whether it’s eating/sleeping decisions and obstacles, mental health challenges, the never-ending burden of motherhood, or “mommy guilt” in general, becoming a mom comes with a plethora of difficult things to deal with. resolutions. If you’re a new mom, do yourself a favor. If you’re not one but know you are, donate her grace. No mom should have to go through this alone.
