I’ve seen it often—the glamorous pregnant mom with everyone obsessing over her. Complete strangers open doors for her. The perfect pregnancy photos that garner hundreds of likes on Instagram and Facebook. The comments harp on how glowing she is and everyone exclaims that they can’t wait to meet the baby. I’ve seen all of this happen in every pregnancy I’ve seen — and in my own pregnancy experience. But what I’ve never really seen people acknowledge is the truth that it is pregnancy hard— and that romantic pregnancy can actually be harmful.
We live in a society where there is this obsession with pregnant women. A woman gets pregnant and suddenly everyone is drawn to her for one reason or another, whether it’s her baby or the excitement of a new little one coming to kiss and cuddle.
Related: The (Very Good) Reason So Many People Insist On Telling Pregnant Women How Hard Parenting Is
Babies naturally attract a lot of attention, so it’s no wonder that pregnant women get a lot more attention than they’re used to. But in our defense, attention that exclusively romanticizes our pregnancies doesn’t always serve its intended purpose.
Why not each the woman has a “perfect” pregnancy. And the real side that many people don’t recognize is that for many women, pregnancy is one of the most difficult times of their lives.
We spend so much time romanticizing pregnancy that we often fail to see how difficult the time is for many women going through it.
Most people never really see the sleepless nights, the morning sickness, the anxiety between doctor appointments just to make sure the baby is okay. They don’t see it woman who sacrifices her whole body for another being. The swelling, the heartburn, the pains.
I personally I never realized these things until I experienced pregnancy myself—and immediately felt ashamed of how much time I spent romantically on the other women around me.
Because I didn’t understand for a moment how very pregnant women face. Not for a moment did I think to look past the whimsical maternity photos posted and acknowledge everything else pregnant women have to endure—like all the symptoms, all the worries, and all the unpredictability.
Related: To the mom struggling with pregnancy — I see you
The truth of the matter is that we spend so much time romanticizing pregnancy that we often fail to see how difficult the time is for many women who experience it.
Pregnancy often looks and feels perfect in the eyes of many. But the truth is, pregnancy is not ideal for many women.
For many pregnant women, they will receive the most attention from strangers and passers-by that they have ever received in their entire lives. I remember being pregnant and asking myself if this it’s what I needed to be seen—and yet many times I didn’t indeed i feel it shows. Everyone saw my growing bump. Everyone saw my beautiful photos. But not many saw the rivers of tears I cried. No one saw the aching loneliness. No one saw how I longed for someone to ask me how I was really pregnancy management.
Related: Sometimes I don’t ‘enjoy every moment’ of raising a little one
I felt like I had these unrealistic expectations to live up to. Felt like me had to wear my pregnancy nicely to convince people that I could become a mother. But pregnancy is not always pretty. Pregnancy is hard.
For me personally it was one of the lowest moments of my life. At first, I felt extremely guilty for feeling this way. I wanted a child. i was supposed to be excited and filled with joy. Me too it was—but it also filled me with anxiety. I was also filled with sadness at the loss of my identity. I was also sick more days than not. And I was also terribly, terribly lonely—despite the overabundance of messages and excitement swirling around me.
Related: Prenatal depression is a thing—a very real, important thing
No one had to sit with me each second. They could enjoy my photos. They could be obsessed with seeing my bump grow. But they didn’t have to endure the anticipation of the next ultrasound just so I could make sure my baby still had a heartbeat. They didn’t have to deal with being constantly drained. They should not have predicted that they would make it past the first trimester. They didn’t have to deal with losing friends or having affairs. They didn’t have to deal with a husband who had been transferred overseas for half of the pregnancy and worried every day if he was going to get home safely.
But I I had to deal with all of this—on top of forming a being in my body and trying to make sure my stress wasn’t negatively affecting my baby.
So many moms everywhere can attest to the fact that pregnancy is hard.
Don’t get me wrong, I was very happy to be carrying a child. I was very happy to start a family with my husband. I loved every kick (mostly). I smiled from cheek to cheek watching my son move during the ultrasounds. I thanked God every day with joy that I became a mother.
But even in the midst of my highs, I also experienced such lows.
Related: To the mom struggling with pregnancy — I see you
And that’s exactly it my history. So many moms everywhere can attest to the fact that pregnancy is hard. Because you have high-risk pregnancies. Have bed rest. You have women experiencing miscarriages. You have the moms who are waiting for their rainbow babies but fear they will never actually meet them. You have concerns about the baby’s development. And then you have all the symptoms that accompany your body making room for another human being.
So moms don’t need the unrealistic ideals of pregnancy. Because it’s harmful to women everywhere. Being pregnant is hard – and it’s a lot of work.
The next time you see a pregnant mom, don’t bother with her baby or glowing skin. Ask her how she’s doing — how she is really act. Ask her what she needs—what really necessary. Look at her beyond the baby or the “glow” and let her know that she needn’t have unrealistic expectations of the “perfect” pregnancy.
Because pregnancy is hard—and it’s time to stop romanticizing pregnancy and see it for what it really is.
A version of this post was published in September 2022. It has been updated.
