How can I stop thinking about everything? A clinical psychologist offers solutions

As a clinical psychologist, I often have clients say that they have a problem with “looping” thoughts in their head, which they find difficult to manage.

While rumination and overthinking are often thought of as the same thing, they are slightly different (though related). Rumination is having thoughts that repeat in our mind. This can lead to overthinking – analyzing those thoughts without coming up with solutions or solving the problem.

It’s like a vinyl record that plays the same part of the song over and over again. With a disc, this is usually due to a scratch. Why we overthink is a bit more complicated.

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We are on alert for threats

Our brains are wired to look for threats, make a plan to deal with those threats, and keep us safe. These perceived threats may be based on past experiences, or they may be “what ifs” that we imagine could happen in the future.

What ifs are usually negative outcomes. That’s what we say”hot thoughts” – evoke a lot of emotion (especially sadness, worry, or anger), which means we can easily get stuck in these thoughts and keep pushing through them.

However, because they are about things that have either already happened or may happen in the future (but aren’t happening now), we can’t fix the problem, so we keep thinking the same things.

Who overthinks?

Most people find themselves in situations at some point where they overthink.

Some people are more possible to ruminate. People who have had previous challenges or experienced trauma may expect threats and seek them out more than people who have not experienced adversity.

Deep thinkers, people who are prone to stress or bad moods, and those who are sensitive or feel deep emotions are also more likely to ruminate and overthink.

Also, when we’re stressed, our emotions tend to be stronger and last longer, and our thoughts can be less accurate, meaning we can get stuck on thoughts more than usual.

Being exhausted or physically unwell can also mean that our thoughts are more difficult to deal with and manage.

Acknowledge your feelings

When thoughts keep repeating, it’s helpful to use both emotion-focused and problem-focused strategies.

Being emotion-focused means understanding how we feel about something and dealing with those feelings. For example, we may feel sadness, anger, or regret about something that has happened, or worry about something that might happen.

Recognizing these feelings, using self-care techniques and accessing social support to talk about and manage your feelings will be helpful.

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The second part focuses on the problem. Looking at what you would do differently (if the thoughts are about something from your past) and making a plan to deal with future possibilities that the thoughts raise.

But it’s difficult to plan for all contingencies, so this strategy has limited utility.

What’s more helpful is to make a plan for one or two of the most likely possibilities and accept that things may happen that you haven’t thought of.

Think about why these thoughts appear

Our feelings and experiences are information. It is important to ask what this information is telling you and why these thoughts are appearing now.

For example, the university has just started again. Parents of high school graduates may lie awake at night (ruminating and overthinking is common) worrying about their young person.

Knowing how you would react to some more likely possibilities (like they’ll need money, they might be lonely, or homesick) can be helpful.

But overthinking is also a sign of a new stage in your life and the need to accept less control over your child’s choices and lives, while wanting the best for them. Recognizing this means you can also talk about these feelings with others.

Let the thoughts go

A helpful way to manage rumination or overthinking is to “change, accept and let go“.

Challenge and change aspects of your thoughts where you can. For example, the possibility that your youngster will run out of money and have no food and starve (overthinking tends to drive your brain to disastrous results!) is unlikely.

You could plan to regularly check in with your child about how they are doing financially and encourage them to access budgeting support from university services.

Your thoughts are just ideas. They are not necessarily true or accurate, but when we overthink and repeat them, they can begin to feel real because they become familiar. Creating a more realistic mindset can help stop the loop of unhelpful thinking.

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Accepting your feelings and finding ways to manage them (good self-care, social support, communication with those close to you) will also be helpful. As does accepting that life inevitably involves a lack of complete control over the outcomes and possibilities that life may throw at us. What we have control over is our reactions and behaviors.

Remember, you have a 100% success rate to overcome the challenges up to this point. You may have wanted to do things differently (and you can plan to do so), but nevertheless, you managed and succeeded.

So the last part is to let go of the need to know exactly how things are going to turn out and have faith in your (and sometimes others’) ability to cope.

What else can you do?

A stressed and tired brain will be more possible overthinking, leading to more stress and creating a cycle that can affect your well-being.

So it’s important to manage your stress levels by eating and sleeping well, moving your body, doing things you enjoy, seeing people you care about, and doing things that feed your soul and spirit.

Distraction – with enjoyable activities and people who bring you joy – can also take your thoughts away.

If you find that overthinking is affecting your life and your stress levels are rising or your mood is falling (sleep, your appetite and your enjoyment of life and people are negatively affected), it may be time to talk to someone and get some strategies to manage.

When things get too difficult to manage on your own (or with the help of those close to you), a therapist can provide tools that have proven helpful. Some helpful tools for managing your worry and thoughts can also be found here.

When you find yourself overthinking, think about why you’re having “hot thoughts,” acknowledge your feelings, and do some future-focused problem solving. But also accept that life can be unpredictable and focus on having faith in your ability to cope.

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