Breastfeeding can be one of the most amazing and rewarding experiences of being a mom. It activates the oxytocin hormone and helps mom and baby form a deep connection… Right? Well, not necessarily. In fact, some women experience the exact opposite and actually feel sad, or angry, when breastfeeding. How is that possible? Well, hormones definitely play a role in this…
What is D-MER?
Dysphoric milk ejection reflex, or D-MER, is a little-known phenomenon characterized by sudden negative feelings in breastfeeding women. The feelings only last a few minutes, they start around his time the disappointmentalso known as milk release, and they dissolve as quickly as they appear. Women experiencing D-MER report feelings of:
- Intense sadness
- Anxiety or paranoia
- Irritable
- Self loathing
- Panic
- Nausea
- Anxiety or restlessness
- Thymus
- Fear
Some women also report thoughts of self-harm.
A study from 2019 found that D-MER may affect up to 9% of breastfeeding women. There appears to be some consistency in the duration of episodes, with most women reporting episodes lasting no longer than five minutes. This is where it gets complicated. Among women who experience DMER, they do not experience it with all frustration. And how long it takes for the feelings to return also seems to vary – some women experience symptoms for a few days, while others report having them for months.
Why does it happen?
The truth is, we don’t know exactly why it happens. However, there are a few prevailing theories.
The first is based on the connection between prolactin and dopamine. He claims that the two are inversely related. This means that when prolactin is high, dopamine is low and vice versa. So, according to this theory, there must be a sudden drop in dopamine just before the fall, as prolactin levels rise to allow milk to be released.
How does dopamine affect breastfeeding? Well, in addition to being a hormone, dopamine is also a neurotransmitter. It allows you to feel positive things like pleasure and motivation. This is why a sudden drop in dopamine could quickly affect one’s overall mood.
The second theory is that D-MER could be associated with increased oxytocin levels. Wait. What? Oxytocin is generally associated with feelings of calmness, contentment and bonding, no? So how can high oxytocin levels make you feel sad when you breastfeed?
Well, the idea is that oxytocin makes mothers feel deeply connected to their babies, which then makes them feel very protective of them. It is thought that this may stimulate the fight-or-flight reflex, causing paranoia, irritability, anger, and other symptoms of D-MER.
Although awareness of D-MER is growing, clearly, finding the root causes requires much more research.
How is DMER treated?
Although the exact cause is not known, it does not mean that you have to suffer.
Currently, there are no recommended medications for D-MER. But, sometimes, knowing that what you’re going through is recognized by the medical community—albeit a small part of the community—can help you feel less alone.
And sometimes, you need helpful advice.
DMER coping strategies
First things first: Tell your primary care doctor and lactation consultant if you have one. Explain your symptoms, how it makes you feel, and ask if they have ever heard of D-MER. Then tell them what you know about it. A good healthcare professional should be open to hearing your concerns and willing to do more research on your behalf.
And if you can, tell your partner or a trusted friend or family member. They can support you before, during or after episodes and support you. Plus, it always pays to have someone around who knows what you’re going through.
It is also very important to know your symptoms and triggers. So, if you notice that other people are extremely annoying while you’re breastfeeding, try to find a quiet, private place to breastfeed. If you feel sad while breastfeeding, consider watching your favorite movie or show or calling a friend. You can also try eating a piece of dark chocolate to increase your endorphin levels.
Now, we’re not saying that eating chocolate in a room by yourself will solve all your problems. But it might help right now. And with multiple coping strategies and steady support from those around you, including medical types, DMER can be successfully managed.
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