The 10 things every man should know about sex by 30
Because modern sex education is still pretty scattered, most men grow up believing all kinds of myths about sex.
Things like “you have to have a big penis to be good in bed” or “you make women orgasm through penetration” that just aren’t true at all.
And when you live in a culture with so much sexual misinformation floating around, it’s understandable that when you’re younger, you get a lot of things wrong and you don’t have it all figured out yet.
RELATED: Breaking down the basics of sex education
But by the time you turn 30, you’re no longer a child – you’re a grown man by almost any measure. And from that perspective, if you’re having sex with other people, it’s important to be able to separate fact from fantasy in the bedroom.
So, to help you get in shape, here’s a list of 10 things every man should know about sex by the time he hits his 30s.
1. How to be a selfless lover
When people first start having sex, it makes sense that they’ll be a little more selfish – after all, experiencing a new form of pleasure like this can rock your world so much, you barely feel like you have time to think about anything another .
RELATED: The benefits of being a selfless lover
But once you start becoming sexually oriented, it’s important to start being a generous lover. Taking the time to focus on pleasing your partners isn’t just common courtesy – it’s also much more likely to lead to people wanting to sleep with you a second, third, or fourth time, etc.
In short, thinking about how to put someone down or being open to asking what they like and doing it for them can go a long way.
2. Basic elements of sexual anatomy
You are not expected to be an expert on every aspect of the human body. But having sex in your 30s without knowing the basics of your partners’ sexual anatomy, whether it’s people with penises, people with vaginas, or both, isn’t good.
Knowing things like the clitoris and the G-spot, how to hit a guy’s P-spot, the difference between how to touch circumcised and uncircumcised penises — these things are helpful when it comes to being good in bed.
RELATED: The Best Sex Techniques for Uncircumcised Men
If you don’t do it by the time you’re 30, anyone who sleeps with you is likely to be disappointed and confused – and it’ll make conversations about how to please them that much more difficult.
3. The basics of sexual consent
Unfortunately, while some aspects of sexual consent are incredibly easy to understand. others seem much more subtle and difficult, as evidenced by the fact that a significant number of negative sexual interactions do not come from intentional cruelty or violence, but from one person (often a man, unfortunately) not paying much attention to the other person. fret.
Prioritizing checking in, asking if what you’re doing is enjoyable for the other person, and generally being aware of the possibility that you’re causing them distress, even if that’s not your intention and you’re not vocal about it — These are critical things any man who has sex with people needs to understand, especially someone you haven’t connected with before.
RELATED: 6 things that do not constitute consent
But until you hit your 30s, this kind of thing is absolutely necessary, especially if you’re sleeping with someone much younger than you and you might feel intimidated by the prospect of him stopping or correcting you.
4. How often should they be tested?
The right frequency of STD testing for you depends largely on how many different people you sleep with, as well as things like what kind of sex you have and how often you have it.
It’s not much of a focus if you and a partner have been monogamous together for a long time — although cheating partners can also contract STDs.
RELATED: What you need to know about STD prevention
But if you’re connecting with multiple affiliates, it’s frankly irresponsible not to test multiple times a year, possibly even every other month, and in general, at least once a year is good practice.
5. What turns them on (and off)
While many men find hot things like the most common male sexual fantasies, no one has exactly the same kinks as any other person, so no partner can confidently turn you off without you talking a little about what you like. However, you can’t really have this discussion if you I do not know.
RELATED: The most common kinks and fetishes that turn people on
Sex being a fun and rewarding experience for all parties involved is much easier when you have a pretty good sense of what turns you on and off, so it’s a good idea to spend some time in your 20s (if you don’t have a t) exploring what you do and don’t like.
Watching different kinds of porn or reading different kinds of erotica by completing a Yes/No/Maybe list or a kink quiz — these kinds of things can help you paint a much clearer picture of your sexual self.
6. How to talk about sex with a partner
It’s no surprise that most people feel a little uncomfortable when it comes to talking about sex with a partner. First, it is a very personal and, unfortunately, very stigmatized subject. For two, it’s not something we have useful models for.
Most sex publications don’t teach people how to talk about sex with their partners, and movies, TV shows, and porn rarely model how to have normal and productive conversations about it.
RELATED: Because porn is a terrible form of sex education
Instead, the action just seems to unfold as if the characters can read each other’s minds – when in real life, the truth is anything but.
Getting comfortable talking to a partner about sex—whether it’s the love of your life or someone you’re having a one-night stand with—is one of the biggest keys when it comes to better sex.
7. How to deal with a pregnancy scare or STD
One thing modern sex is very good at teaching young people is that sex can have negative consequences. However, rarely is this reality followed up with strong instructions about what to do if these negative outcomes occur.
But being able to respond in a calm, non-judgmental and solution-oriented way to an STD or pregnancy scare is an important skill when it comes to your sex life.
The person (or persons) you slept with will be incredibly grateful for your ability to navigate these potentially stressful situations with grace and skill if you can accompany them to take their morning after pill or let them know you have tested positive for something. in a polite and timely manner.
RELATED: How to tell a partner you have a sexually transmitted infection
Being able to simply keep your head level and be present—rather than shutting down out of fear, guilt, or shame—is a skill every sexually active man in his 30s should have.
8. What are their sexual needs?
It’s not a fun reality, but many otherwise promising relationships eventually fall apart when those involved have irreconcilable sexual differences.
If one person has an incredibly strong sex drive and the other is on the asexual spectrum. or if one person is very vanilla, and the other is a dedicated kinkster; a monogamous romantic relationship may simply not be a viable option in the long run.
RELATED: How to talk about your unsatisfactory sex life
If, by your 30s, you understand enough about what you need in bed to be clear about what you can handle, you can save yourself a lot of trouble and possibly lose years of your life by only pursuing relationships with people who are willing and able meet your sexual needs.
9. When to say no
The idea that men are supposed to be sexual creatures – almost to the point of hypersexuality – is widespread. After all, our culture mocks male virgins and is confused by asexual people, yet praises guys who “score.”
So, amidst all these cultural associations between masculinity and sexual prowess, it can be difficult to recognize when sex is something to say no to.
Either because it’s a bad idea — like cheating, hooking up with an ex, or fooling around with a friend’s partner — or because it’s something you don’t know about yourself Really you want, learning how, when and why to say no is an incredible skill that can save you a lot of trouble in the long run.
10. How to use some different sex toys
There is a long tradition of valid backlash against technological innovations that will put people out of work.
However, hating sex toys isn’t it – and the sooner you feel comfortable using them on a partner, the better your sex life will be together.
It’s understandable to find sex toys a little confusing at first, but like any high-tech gadget, a little practice using one can go a long way, and knowing how to add a toy to the mix in bed can separate you from the pack. as a gifted and resourceful lover worth texting for a follow-up hookup.
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