What does society expect from a bride? Who cares about the endless cycle of expectations from Indian brides and how does it affect them? How do these unrealistic and unfair expectations create a multitude of anxieties and unpleasant situations in relation to the laws? India is a country with a diverse culture, whether you marry outside your community or within your community, you will come across different sets of family rituals and customs. Forget inter-caste and inter-faith marriages, it turns out to be a lifetime challenge for most of the couples. But no bride could escape the heavy baggage of in-laws’ expectations.
In this blog, let’s discuss the types of expectations Indians have with their brides and how it affects family and relationships.
Expectations from Indian brides
The image of brides in India is not very pleasant as they are still harassed, burnt alive in the name of dowry, they were forced to take their own lives or it can become a victim of an acid attack to get rid of. This could be the reality of any Indian woman struggling in her married life and what is more frustrating you know? The reason behind all this is mainly that other women in the house in the form of mother-in-law or sister-in-law.
Only because of ignorance, greed, jealousy and insecurity they mistreat her and do not accept her as their own. Modern and educated new age brides are still trying to survive this injustice with pride and dignity, but walking away from a marriage is a difficult step. What about those who don’t even know if there is life beyond her husband, in-laws and toxic marriage? How will she raise her children?
10 life-ruining expectations of Indian brides
The daughters of the law are no less than one unpaid carerwho were born to cook and selflessly serve their in-laws and husband. Failure to do so leads to domestic violence, arguments, fights and abuse in the form of physical and emotional abuse. Women lack support in this even from their parents, in India a daughter is born and her mother starts preparing her for her post-marriage life. He should learn cooking, embroidery, sewing, take care of elders, respect, if they used some time and energy in training boys in the same way, surely it would have changed a lot in the society, but no, the kitchen is a women’s place and they belong there. So you can imagine the level of expectation from Indian brides with the tasks they are expected to perform.
I am not a therapist or a counselor, I am just like many of you and one among you. I have faced a lot of criticism from my ex-mother-in-law for not bringing enough gold and how she was a disgrace to her family. It breaks my heart to see how one woman puts another woman down and on the other hand, we build sisterhood tribes, talk about women empowerment and what about the woman you treat disrespectfully in your own home? I highlight about 10 expectations of Indian brides.
| 1.) They must be perfect at everything they do |
| 2.) They should obey the elders at home |
| 3.) They should become selfless |
| 4.) They should strike the perfect balance |
| 5.) They should forget their parents |
| 6.) They are expected to adapt with a smile |
| 7.) They should support everything |
| 8.) They should not give opinions |
| 9.) They should tire and struggle |
| 10.) They should forget they exist |
1.) They must be perfect at everything they do
Perfection in everything you do and say. No mistakes and no apologies. If you fail, then your parents will be blamed for not raising you wisely and instilling good skills in you. You are constantly judged and criticized and yet you are expected to finish.
2.) They should obey the elders at home
Obedience to elders is a good element of moral ethics and good manners, but can respect be commanded? Your need to earn it with love and care. What’s the point of pretending to respect and curse this person for ruining this life? Does it even satisfy their little egos?
3.) They should become selfless
Another expectation from Indian brides is that you are expected to sacrifice and be selfless, you are expected to sacrifice your favorite dresses, your favorite pieces, even your happiness. Family first, as we are taught, and of course we all put our family first but not at the expense of our sanity.
4.) They should strike the perfect balance
Right from managing groceries, bills, finances, even though the husband is the only source of learning, but the burden of running the daily household chores smoothly rests on the wife’s responsible shoulders. He can also fail, he can be imperfect, he can also make wrong decisions but he is not expected to do that.
5.) They should forget their parents
The expectations of Indian brides are such that once you get married and enter the in-laws, you are expected to treat them as your parent, from the first day you call them mom dad, you search for meanings and try to create relationships like you had on your mother’s side, then how can one forget the very basis of their existence? This is not only wrong but also unethical.
6.) They are expected to adapt with a smile
Adjust with social norms and adjust with each family member, please them, seek validation from them, otherwise how are you going to be a perfect bride? How will you win hearts, if you ever could win hearts? I don’t want to sound pessimistic, but I’ve seen almost no hearts melt. I have never seen a toxic mother-in-law turn to a loved one.
7.) They should support everything
Expectations from Indian brides are such that they are expected to say yes and do things as per their in-laws’ instructions. When you start using your brain and your question or logic, you are not welcome. You are supposed to support yourself selflessly and you rude mother-in-law he will never appreciate you. You will feel hurt and end up feeling frustrated.
8.) They should not give opinions
A bride cannot express her opinion, she cannot express her views even if she has the best solution to offer. I have seen so many families around me, where I see women saying that we can’t say a word, so be it. They just see things disappearing in front of them, but they have to keep mum.
9.) They should tire and struggle
As if it is a part of the inheritance system and one of the strangest expectations from Indian brides. All the stories of the old wives suggest that women for generations have retreated and are struggling a lot to maintain the peace and harmony of their home. So girls have to be patient and bear what their in-laws say. In everything comes abuse, disrespect, ignorance, arrogance and insult too.
10.) They should forget they exist
One of the unjustifiably worst expectations of Indian brides is to selflessly serve as an unpaid caretaker who is not even appreciated for all the efforts she puts in to keep everything in order, one must forget that they exist. Only then is it possible to become this mechanic and perform daily chores as part of her boring life.
In closing, I would say, we certainly can’t control the way our in-laws or others think of us, but we should be a little lenient with ourselves. If no one cares for you, if no one understands you, you have to take charge of your life. Allow yourself to make mistakes, allow yourself to learn from your mistakes, allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Give yourself room to make mistakes and learn from them, don’t fall into perfectionism, it’s a myth. Every mother does the best for her child within her capabilities, every bride tries to fit into the new family in the best possible way, remember all relationships are two way, it doesn’t work if one side has lost track and is going in some other direction. So the burden of making everyone happy is not your sole duty, but yes, maintaining a peaceful environment is for you and others, so don’t get into unnecessary stress, take charge of your mental health and stay healthy.
Love and light
