Since I came back eighty -one years in December 2024, I have reflected in what I have learned to be a man. As a sensitive and introverted kid who grew up from a single mom I had no idea what it meant to be human. I was clear about what a man must Make educated so that I can catch an attractive woman, marry her, have children and become rich and famous.
By the time I was thirty -five, I had graduated from UC Berkeley with a master’s degree in social work, had met and married my college, was the proud father of a son and daughter, earned good money and imagined the next steps. I was also anxiety, depression, angry and on the brink of divorce. I felt confused, lost and discouraged.
When I was at my lowest point, having intermittent thoughts to finish my life, I hit a poster on a bulletin that offered a small look at hope.
“Men, come and share one day with other men and listen to the psychologist Herb Goldberg, the writer of The dangers of being a man. ”
Fifteen children met on April 21, 1979 and heard Dr. Goldberg tell us that,
“The male has paid a heavy price for the male ‘privilege’ and his power.
For the first time in my life I felt that I heard the truth about the path I was. By the end of the day by the organizers, a tall beautiful, teddy bear of a man called Tom Sipes, invited those who are interested in continuing the team to meet his home next Wednesday. Ten children came and agreed to start meeting a week. The team soon declined to seven and these seven children continued to meet for the last forty -six years.
There were three children younger than me and three children. We came from different backgrounds and experiences, but the thing we all had in common was: We longed to be men, not the bombs We pretend to be. We wanted a different direction than we followed and knew that the possession of a group of brothers could help us find our way.
We met weekly, talked deeply, took the dangers to be vulnerable and real with our emotions and to have the courage to share them with each other. I encouraged to write my first book, Inside Out: Being my own man, published in 1983 until my seventeenth, Long Live Men! The moon mission to heal men, close the lifetime gap and provide hope to humanity.
We watched men’s gatherings with Robert Bly and others and read books including King, Warrior, Magician, Love: Discovering the Archetypes of the Ripe Male, by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, who contrast the archetypes of “boy psychology” from “human psychology”.
In their book King, Warrior, Magician, Love: Discovering the Archetypes of the Ripe Male, Offer these examples of boys’ psychology:
- The political leader of duck and diving.
- The beater woman.
- The company “Yes man”.
- Minister “Holier Than You”.
- The gang member.
- The father who can never find the time to attend his daughter’s school schedule.
- The therapist who unconsciously affects the “shines” of customers and is looking for a kind of gray regulation for them.
“All of these men have something in common,” Moore and Gillette say. ‘Are all boys who pretend to be men. They honestly got in this way, because no one showed them what a mature person is. The kind of “male” is a pretense for male age that goes largely detected as such by most of us. We continue to confuse, control, threatened and hostile to this man power behavior. In fact, it presents an underlying extreme vulnerability and weakness, the vulnerability of the injured boy. ”
I have recently written a series of articles, In search of mature masculinity in a world of injured Boymen This describes the world of “boys who are pretending to be men” and the kind of mature masculinity that we all need in our lives.
The two archetypes of injured boys pretending to be men
Reflecting my experiences in my life, what I see with the thousands of boys and the men I have advised over the years and what is reflected in our current government in the US, I see two dominant archetypes that form the basis of his behavior Injured boys pretending to be men:
First is what Moore and Gillett describe The Tyrannos of High Planning.
“The High Tourist without without,” says Moore and Gillette, “is highlighted by the image of Little Lord Fauntleroy sitting in his trolley, hitting the album and screaming for his mother to feed him, kiss him and watch him.”
As a only kid lifted by a mom, I developed many of these trends in my childhood. They also returned to my adult life in my relationships with women and contributed to my two failed marriages. I was lucky to have received support to heal and grow up and now I got married with my wife, Carlin, for forty -five years.
“Highless Tyrannos,” says Moore and Gillette, “hurts with his grandeur – the unlimited of his demands – because he rejects the very things he needs for life: food and love.”
Moore and Gillette summarize the following characteristics of the High Tyrannus:
- Arrogance (what Greeks are called Hubris, or overwhelming pride).
- Childhood (in a negative sense).
- Irresponsibility, even to himself as a mortal being who must meet his biological and psychological needs.
- The High Care Tyrran must find out that it is not the center of the universe and that the universe does not exist to fulfill every need, or better to put its unlimited needs, its intentions for the deity.
I suspect that we can all recognize many of these characteristics in boys and men we know – from government centers to government leaders and men in our own families and communities.
The second archetype of boys’ psychology described by Moore and Gillette is The weak prince.
“The boy (and later the man) possessed by the weak prince must be coddled, who dictates to those around him from his silent or whining and protests weakness.”
As adults, those who hold the weak prince archetype often become “Mr. Nice Guys”. Dr. Robert Glover, author of the book NO MORE NIKO says,
“A good guy is a man who thinks he is not okay, just like he is. think Others want to be for them to like, love and meet his needs. He also believes that he has to hide anything for himself that can cause a negative response to others. ”
He continues to say: “This non -authentic and a chameleon approach to life causes nice children to feel frustrated, confused and unhappy. beautiful. In fact, beautiful children are generally dishonest, secret, manipulative, controlled, self-centered and passive-inquisitive. ”
Historian, Ruth Ben-Ghiat, describes political leaders led by boys’ psychology in her book, Strongmen: Mussolini in the present.
“For ours is the time of authoritarian leaders: self -proclaimed saviors of the nation who avoid accountability, while robbing the people of truth, treasure and protection of democracy. Taking whatever you want, and the removal with it, it is proof of male power. They use propaganda, corruption and violence to stay in power. ”
The compassionate warrior: the power of mature psychology of man
I first heard the words “compassionate” and “warrior” in combination by Sean Harvey, author of the book Warrior compassion: liberation of men’s therapeutic power.
“When we combine the concepts of warrior and compassion, an energy shift occurs,”
says Harvey. Continues to say,
“Compassion is easier to do as emotion or emotion when one person moves by the pain or anxiety of another and from the desire to relieve pain.
Harvey describes the power of the spirit of the warrior in this way:
“The archetype of the warrior represents the power, courage and relentless pursuit of justice and honor.
I shared a similar perspective in my book, The journey of warrior home: healing men, healing the planet, published in 1994. I returned my experiences practicing Aikido and from books including Aikido and the new warrior From one of my trainers Aikido, Richard Strozzi-Heckler.
Chögyam trungpa He was a Tibetan Buddhist and scholar. I quote understanding the compassionate warrior in my book, The journey of the warrior.
“War war position,” Trungpa said, “not referring to war to others. He continues to say, “Here the word ‘warrior’ is taken from Tibet struggle which literally means “someone who is brave”. The war position in this context is the tradition of human bravery or the tradition of Atromitos. Warness is not afraid who you are. ”
For me, this records the essence of The compassionate warrior And by learning to become this kind of man is what we need to find in ourselves, to those we choose to lead us, and to a world dominated by angry, injured boys who are pretending to be men. If a boys and men are selected will choose this most powerful, care and compassionate way of being.
Our organization, Moonshot for humanityIt brings together organisms dedicated to teaching, training and guidance of boys and men to achieve the properties of mature masculinity, including how they become compassionate warriors.
If you want to know more about my job please visit me at Menalive.com.
