How to be more human

Where has our humanity gone?

Locked in our homes for two years, glued to our devices and our humanity has declined. What does it mean to be more human? What connects us? And most importantly, how do we get it back?

In situations of fear we lose our ability to think clearly. We seek constant distraction to keep the truth out. When we have a little pause in the day, we pick up our devices and scroll until we get a taste of what we should be thinking, what we should be feeling, who we should be with or against, and if it seems like the safe thing to do, we post a comment. While it may seem harmless in the moment – five minutes here and there, could it be that this shapes who we have now become as a species?

All of this happens without pausing to think about who we are today, in this moment.

Let’s start with the kids.

For the first seven years of a child’s life, their subconscious is being programmed. Their awareness is wide open as they watch, listen and absorb everything said and unspoken around them. They soak up everything as one of their main functions is to understand how the world works and where they fit into it.

Too many kids these days are left to their own devices, literally. Hooked on devices, as addicted to them as we adults are. This is not meant to be a judgment on parents. It’s a fact. As much as we don’t like being around our children all day, they don’t like being with them.

As a child engages in the dynamic world of their device, their brain like a sponge reinforces instant gratification and dopamine hits, fantasy, idolatry, ten-second videos. They all program their programmable minds. The longer they are in this world, the less able they are to fully engage in a human experience. The nuances and rhythm of a human experience cannot compete with a device, in complete control of every whim and flicker of attention.

Anxiety, fear, worry, lack of attention or ability to regulate emotional response become the norm for children as the 3D human world around them simply does not carry the same level of stimulation that their young brains are wired for.

Human interaction is key to healthy development

I’m talking about children in general here. I fully recognize that the range of cognitive states, needs and special abilities are unique to each child. This is not the case in all cases. This is also not a judgment for anyone – parents, carers or children. It is the reality of the time we live in and we must recognize it. And fun fact, the exact same thing happens in adult brains, for the most part we just tend to be better at tuning in.

We also cannot ignore that one of the most important aspects of developing a child’s emotional intelligence is interacting with other people, seeing their whole face and being in the same room to see the full expression of facial and body language.

You don’t need to be an expert in anything to know that being with people, engaging with different types of people in communication, sports, social, work and everyday casual interaction is what helps us develop the depth of our human nature. We are an intensely social species that is losing our ability to socialize in the way our species is meant to.

What is the root of our loss of humanity?

We don’t stop.

We don’t take the time to take stock, to gather information, to form personal, complex, nuanced opinions. Too many of us let memes do the work that results in either a like or an unfollow as we further curate our reality to avoid conflict or, as the case may be, navigate our own complex state of mind.

We react, rather than consider or have compassion and understanding for alternative viewpoints. What we lose in this process are the traits that make people the most humane and kindest form of human: the practice of love, compassion, empathy, gratitude, appreciation and care.

Signaling our compassion with a flag as your profile picture or a frame around your picture with the message of the moment seems to carry more weight than smiling at the person who served you your coffee or striking up a conversation with the person behind you in the grocery line.

True humanity must begin with being present to our real experiences.

Connecting with Man

Human consciousness is more expansive than anything any of us can imagine.

We are barely scratching the surface of what we know and how we use it. As humans, we have an infinite capacity for creativity, love and connection. We are electric beings, wired to connect with the beings that surround our immediate physical area as well as a global connection.

Those we thought of as the adults in the room have left the building. We are the adults now.

We shape the future of humanity in our every thought and every action.

It starts with you and me.

People often talk about a “digital detox” and disconnecting for a while. What is happening here is actually quite the opposite. We turn off devices, feeds and screens and reconnect with what matters most. Us. We connect with our thoughts and feelings, we connect with how our body feels and what it needs – food, movement, nature, social community.

It is in mass disconnection with what is out there that we can find the truest version of ourselves. This is where we tap into our higher knowing, our intuition. This is how we find that place of peace and ease within ourselves. There we can find boundless joy, unconditional love and compassion – for ourselves and for every person on the planet.

I know you already know everything I’m saying here. It is what may be considered a universal law. a truth we are all born knowing. However, we allow this stress reaction to continue. We forgot the programming we were born with and instead adopted a different set of rules and unconsciously passed it on to the next generation. The challenge, or perhaps the opportunity, is that it is clear that this new set is broken.

What is the Solution?

So, the solution becomes extremely simple. We should do the opposite.

We scroll for a dose of commotion, we get endorphins from intense exercise, we crash diets, we scroll some more. Our attention spans are shrinking – both for the media we receive and the conversations we have with each other. We lose patience and mid-sentence pick up our devices and look for a distraction. A stimulation (or maybe a simulation!). We no longer feel able to manage, let alone strengthen, the relationships that matter most in our lives.

Our partners are suffering. Our children are suffering. And our communities are suffering.

I’m not here to point fingers. Blaming is never the answer. With the massive change and transformation happening right now, we need to own exactly where and who we are right now.

How to Become More Human

We start by being quiet.

For many, this will feel incredibly uncomfortable. Our nervous system is now wired to fire. Our brains are hardwired to fight and flee.

We need to work on the rewiring.

Some of the simplest ways to begin this rewiring of the nervous system include:

Lie on your stomach, feel supported by the floor and breathe.
Walking in nature without the distraction of music or podcasts.
Sit down with a piece of paper and a marker and draw. If that seems daunting, set a goal of 20 minutes of just doodling.
You could cook something.
You can try gentle movements.
Play an instrument.
Opening a bottle of essential oils and taking a few deep breaths.
Breathing could be the most powerful of all. He sits and counts 10 inhalations and 10 exhalations. Start over when your mind wanders and you lose count.

It starts with tuning back into our five senses.

When we can tune back into our senses, we may just find that deep inhalations and exhalations come more easily. Tranquility becomes more comfortable. The noise we are drowning in becomes less tolerable and instead of being sucked in again, we move further away from it and maybe just shut it out altogether. We find that we begin to crave quietness. We tune in, in such a way that we are fully aware of when we need some decompression time, when we are over-activated.

Can we start looking each other, children included, in the eye, smiling, engaging and having real conversations? Ask questions and listen to the answers.

You might even get to a place where you feel calm and collected enough to engage in difficult conversations, to discover the nuance of someone else’s thoughts and feelings. The practice of humanism is to have enough compassion, kindness and respect to continue to listen and discuss even when you disagree. This is being human. This is being in community.

Back to the kids

And the children. They need us to do better. Our children need us to be present, calm, patient, warm and loving. We have to do the work and keep doing it. At every moment. If it was effortless and easy, we wouldn’t feel like many of us do.

I’m including myself in all of this by the way, since I’m not sharing it from a place much higher up. I share this because I know, because I also need the reminder almost every moment.

Of all the things said in the past two years that have challenged me “kids are resilient” may be the one that challenges me the most. It is, it’s true. But we all carry programs from childhood into adulthood and run them subconsciously, unless we realize, wake up and do the work, they keep running. From it, if it is not treated with love, kindness and compassion – with an explosion and sincerity of feelings that make people human.

Show your smiles. Find peace. Be loved.

If we all disconnect more from what is out there and connect more with what is within, we will transform the outcome of our lives. And the more attuned we are to what’s inside, the less impact what’s out there will have. Everything is in our hands.

The limitlessness of our consciousness does not need to be understood or believed. If we can tune into our five senses and then be still, this sixth sense tends to tell us everything we need to know about how to be more human.

If you haven’t yet found a practice that works for you, take a moment and enjoy the free coherence course available here.

Photo: Nikki Leigh McKean

On My Mind Episode 28: How to Become More Human

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