I feel like I’ve reached a place where I’m not mentally healthy. As in the past, my mental health is so depleted that it no longer exists at all. I guess my ineptitude is what I’m talking about. A man, a brain, can only take so much. Eventually, everyone reaches a breaking point. So what do you do when you get to that point? What do you do when you have no mental health at all?
What it’s like to experience Mentla Health Collapse
I had a really bad year. I had a personal loss. I had an interpersonal loss. I now added the job loss. It’s more than I can handle. I have a to-do list, and things, even as simple as making phone calls, don’t get done because I’m completely incompetent. My carpet hasn’t been vacuumed in months. My apartment hasn’t been dusted in months. Keeping the dishes running through the dishwasher seems difficult. And many other issues.
All of this results in endless sorting. I take a look at the things I need to do. I choose the one that is burning the most at the moment. I choose what life cannot survive without. And then I do this thing as best I can, avoiding everything else. I must talk about the matter as if I were a child. Every tiny step needs to be enumerated and consciously completed with great effort.
Then I look at the list and choose the one that is now burning the most. And repeat. And repeat. Everything is at a crisis point until I get to it.
Every thing I do is great, for sure. The problem is that I have so little capacity that I can’t make progress. By the time I get one thing done, three other things are on fire. I have about a spoonful a day. This is simply not enough. have No mental health and causes enormous disability.
I feel like I’m walking through a loud, crowded crowd with a scared four-year-old. I take the four-year-old by the hand and say in as calm (but stressed) a voice as possible, “Now, take a step to the left. Now, right. Good. Let’s go straight.” And so on.
What is it like to not have mental health
And as for how I feel? Mostly, I try not to. I’m just trying to focus. I just try to focus on one tiny thing in front of me and block out everything else. I know I’m depressed, but I don’t have time to feel it. Anxiety is in the foreground. Anxiety that is so bad it feels like my nerves are being electrocuted. It’s a very physical (and psychological) feeling. There are also endless, obsessive, intrusive, angry thoughts mixed in as well.
What you need to know about not having mental health
I know this is bad. I know this is very bad. I also know that this is temporary. I have no idea what the temporary looks like, but I know the rest of my life won’t be in this state. At some point something will change. It always does.
I have no doubt that the reverberations from this moment will be felt for an extended period of time. However, this period will not be forever. I guess that’s the point of hope. It’s the knowledge that all pain — no matter how awesome and dramatic — doesn’t stay at level 10+ forever.
Also note this caveat: I am getting help for my lack of mental health, and if you are at the bottom of the barrel, you need to get professional help as well. Mountains this big won’t move on their own.
If you can’t deal with not having mental health
The first thing I need to know is that I can do this. breathe. i eat sleep. I am not a danger to myself or anyone else. If that’s not the case for you, though. If you can’t face reality, if you don’t feed yourself, if you harm yourself or neglect those who need you (like pets or children), seek professional help immediately. Overwhelming states may require hospitalization to stabilize. That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It just means you need a little extra help to succeed. Although hospital stays are no fun, they can save your life and are worth it.
If you don’t have mental health and you can cope
If you are managing this horrible condition and are not a danger to anyone else or yourself, then there are a few things you should do.
First, take a deep breath, try to relax and be kind to yourself. Understand that you are going through something incredibly difficult and do the best you can. Treat yourself as you would anyone else who was going through something this difficult. Beating yourself up for all the things you don’t do will make the things you should do more difficult.
Then take frequent breaks. If you don’t have the spoons to deal with what’s going on around you, you need to get more rest, not less. You try to recharge your body, brain and mind as much as possible. While this may seem like a losing battle, it will be even worse if you end up in bed or hospitalized when you could have avoided it.
Managing tasks when you are mentally ill
Next, my screening method is important. While I despise the endless triaging, it really works for me to not manage mental health times at all. I recommend writing down everything you need to do and delegating by priority. If you don’t feel you can do this, get help. Someone else can see your life and what you need more clearly. Review this list every morning. Enjoy the feeling of crossing something off your list, but don’t beat yourself up if your list keeps growing. Use reminders or to-do lists on your phone if you find them useful.
Then bring reinforcements. Find out what things on your list can be handled by other people. Can someone else collect your medicine? Can someone else mow the lawn? Can someone else make dinner? Even if it’s a lower priority item, if someone else can do it, reach out and ask for help.
Then let go of what you can. Yes, I said my carpet hasn’t been vacuumed in months. I want to change that. I really do. But until I find the resources to do that, I’ll let it go. No one ever died from a dirty carpet.
Then sit down to work on your first assignment. Realize that you probably have very few mental resources available. This may mean that mental tasks are too difficult. It can also mean finding challenging tasks that take you out of the house. You may also be so tired that physical tasks are challenging. Whatever your challenges are, acknowledge them and don’t judge them.
Instead, find ways to deal with the more difficult parts. One of the main ways I do this is by breaking things down into tiny, tiny tasks. For example, I don’t unload the dishwasher. for a number of reasons, I find it overwhelming. So what I do is unload one thing every time I go into the kitchen. If I feel good about it, I do another one. Finally, the work gets done without being overwhelming. Likewise, I prepare for tasks by making them easier. I might prepare the food I need for dinner once and then cook at a different time. Each smaller task seems more achievable, while combined, it feels overwhelming.
An example of managing a job when you are mentally ill
As I said above, you may then need to talk about the task a little at a time while consciously telling yourself to take deep breaths. Remember that you are dealing with a severely damaged brain, so talk to yourself slowly, calmly and simply. For example, if you need to call someone to make an appointment, try going through the process, saying each step either in your head or even out loud as you go:
- Practice what you want to say beforehand. Decide when you would like to make the appointment.
- Be clear about your goals.
- Pick up the phone.
- Find the contact you need.
- Call the contact.
- Talk to the contact.
- Check your schedule again.
- Mark the appointment.
- Confirm the appointment by voice.
- Hang up the phone.
Yes, these are the steps to call for an appointment. I’m sure you know them. That’s not the point. The point is to break it all down into these tiny parts and then walk through them. It’s a rudimentary approach that’s needed when your higher-order brain isn’t working.
What to do when you feel like you’re not mentally healthy
All of the above are important. The coping techniques you use to manage tasks can help you cope each day and ensure you see some progress along the way, even without mental health. That said, you also need to go beyond task management. You need to think about how you can improve your life. Yes, healing is a big part of that. So does giving yourself permission to take a day off. So does eating ice cream one day. So is coffee with a friend. I know dealing with extreme mental health issues is exhausting and it can feel like you don’t have time for any of it. But, really, nobody’s going to die if you eat ice cream while reading a book and doing laundry tomorrow.
And believe that with work and help, your mental health will return. It always has.
If you feel like your mental health is slipping away, know that you are not alone. Share your story below or reach out to a mental health professional for support
