Written by Jackie Zimmermann, Director of Public Education Partnerships and E-Learning
Content from the MHA and ASU Webinar: I Don’t Know How to Take Care of Myself in Stressful Times with Drs. Ruben Parra-Cardona, Bethany Younkers, Dr. Ariana Hoet
The holiday season is often advertised as a time of joy and fellowship. However, for many parents, it can quickly become overwhelming. The pressure to do everything perfectly, manage endless tasks and deal with family dynamics can take a toll on mental health. Prioritizing self-care, setting healthy boundaries, and tapping into your support system can help you navigate the season with more balance and less stress. Here are five lessons to help you do that from MHA and ASU’s webinar, “I Don’t Know How to Take Care of Myself in Stressful Times.” After all, creating moments of joy doesn’t require perfection—it just requires presence and intention.
- Determine your values and priorities and set boundaries accordingly.
It can be easy to fall into the mindset that we have to do everything on vacation, and quickly, you’re saying yes to too much. Dr. Reuben advised that you take some time to identify your values and priorities during the holiday season. Once you have a clear vision, set your boundaries and stick to them. This could mean spending more time together as a family instead of over-committing to outside activities, or saying yes to a half-day event instead of a full day. When you realize by saying no to something you are making room for what you value most, it takes away some of the guilt you may be feeling. Reframing boundaries by saying yes to things you value. Reframe the way you think about self-care.
Change the way you think about self-care from self-indulgence to self-preservation. Often, parents feel they have to prioritize themselves to ensure everyone else is taken care of. When we redefine how we think about self-care, we can identify how it is necessary to maintain our physical and mental health.Self-care doesn’t have to be such a big, expensive thing. It is taking care of our needs and providing nourishment, rest and energy to your mind and body. This looks different for everyone! Try not to fall into the trap of thinking that self-care is expensive, like getting your nails done or going to the spa. Getting caught up in what self-care “should” look like is easy.
Some examples of self-care practices include:
- Take a moment to take a few deep breaths and reset your nervous system
- Ask your support system for help: someone watching the kids while I go out shopping?
- Make time for movement that’s good for your body – even if it’s 5-10 minutes of stretching or walking
- Say no to a holiday event if you need time and space
Welcome – and ask your support system for help.
Instead of parenting alone, parent with your village. You’re not alone – and it’s okay to ask for help. Chances are, others in your life are feeling the same depression. Consider reaching out to friends, neighbors, or community members to look after each other. Maybe that means having a different family host the kids for dinner once a month so the other parents can have a night to themselves. Alternatively, rotate delivery and pickup so you can do it with others. Find a shared community, if you can, to support each other, especially during busy times like the holidays.Dr. Reuben shared the importance of creating a lifestyle that builds protective factors so that when things hit us, they bounce back a little easier, which can really help. Recognizing that this can be difficult for many people, but that’s where your community can come for support.
The holidays can also bring up feelings of sadness and grief, especially if some of your loved ones are no longer with you to celebrate. Having a support system can help provide comfort during difficult times of grief.
Find ways to incorporate joy into your routine.
When you have so much on your plate, the little things like washing the dishes or doing laundry can seem overwhelming. Bethany shared that these are activities in her weekly routine and she has tried to create moments of joy with her daughter. Invite your kids to dry off while you wash or fold laundry together. Put on some fun music and try to create a moment where you bring joy to the mundane.Many parents experience guilt when they are not close enough to their children, especially working parents who have limited hours together. Dr. Ariana shared her approach to managing stress and guilt as a working parent, emphasizing the value of being present and intentional with her children during everyday activities. This is similar to Bethany’s approach of finding activities you already do to invite joy and quality time into your day.
Leave the comparison at the door.
It’s easy to compare yourself to others, especially with the top role of social media—showing only what seems to be the best parts of everyone’s life. During the holidays, this can be compounded by the stress of buying gifts, participating in all the activities, and traveling to see family. These things can add extra emotional stress and financial strain to families.Dr. Reuben discussed the importance of deconstructing societal narratives about parenting and how these narratives can be oppressive. He emphasized the need to focus on what one can do with one’s resources rather than comparing one’s actions with those of others.
Some of the best memories and moments you can give your family are quality times together—those where you are fully present, even for a short time. Dr. Reuben shared that his favorite activities are popping popcorn with his family and enjoying a movie together at home. Find ways to create joy and happiness in your homes without adding financial stress.
By focusing on what really matters—setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, leaning on your support system, and embracing the simple joys—you can create a season that’s meaningful and enjoyable for you and your family. Remind yourself that it’s not about perfection but about being present and intentional with the time and resources you have. Take a deep breath, let go of the comparison, and give yourself some grace this holiday season.
