Scheduling sex can improve your sex life, especially if you’re busy. Before you try it, learn the pros and cons of scheduled sex.
Experience can tell you that there is nothing quite as vapid as spontaneous sex! But more often than not, family, home and office chores tend to suck the spontaneity out of the system. Couples caught up in the hustle and bustle of life barely find time to connect. That’s when planning sex can come in handy to keep the sparks going! At first, it may not seem romantic, but it can have a positive effect on your love life and strengthen your bond with your partner. It can also help if you are planning a pregnancy. So, check the pros and cons of scheduled sex before making time for intimate moments with your partner.
What is planned sex?
Scheduled sex refers to the practice of setting aside specific hours for sexual activity. “It’s usually beneficial for couples who may have busy lifestyles, are experiencing challenges in their intimate relationship, or are trying to conceive,” says psychiatrist Dr. Ashish Bansal.
Scheduling sex is one of the strategies many women use to maintain sexual desire in a long-term relationship, according to a study published in Sexual Behavior Files in 2020. “Scheduled sex ensures that the couple makes time for intimacy and connection, which can improve the quality of their relationship,” says the expert.
What are the benefits of planning sex?
Most people in a romantic relationship have sex about once a week, according to a study published in Sexual Behavior Files in 2017. Whether you have sex once a week or more, try to schedule it, as scheduling sex can provide some benefits:
1. Improved communication
Planning sex encourages open conversations about intimacy, wants and needs. Couples often avoid these conversations, but scheduling intimate time requires dialogue, helping both partners better understand each other. This improved communication encourages a healthier and more transparent relationship.
2. Better connection and intimacy
In busy lives, couples often neglect physical connection due to stress or exhaustion. Scheduling ensures that physical intimacy does not take a backseat to daily routines. “The time spent creates an opportunity to reconnect, cultivating both physical and emotional bonds,” says Dr. Bansal.
You may also like it
3. Increased anticipation and excitement
When sex is planned, couples often look forward to the planned moment, which can create excitement and anticipation. This element of looking forward to a shared, intimate experience can add an element of fun and romance to the relationship.
4. Focused intimate moments
Planning sex promotes more meaningful and focused intimate moments than rushed or random encounters. Couples tend to prioritize quality, paying attention to each other’s needs, resulting in a more fulfilling and connected experience.
5. Relationship satisfaction
For long-term relationships, it’s easy to let intimacy slip. “Scheduling sex regularly helps couples maintain a stable physical relationship, which can be good for overall relationship satisfaction,” says the expert.
6. Enhances fertility
For couples trying to conceive, timing sex around a woman’s ovulation period is crucial to optimizing her chances of pregnancy. By planning sex during peak fertility windows, couples can increase their chances of successful conception.
What are the disadvantages of scheduling sex?
Scheduling sex has its pros, but it can also have some cons:
1. Loss of spontaneity
If there is no spontaneity, it can lead to various sexual dysfunctions in both men and women. “Men may have problems such as erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, and women may not be able to achieve orgasm,” says the expert.
2. Increased pressure
Planning sex can increase the pressure in some cases. If a partner is not in the mood or feeling well when the scheduled time arrives, they may feel compelled to do it, leading to anxiety or discomfort. This pressure can affect sexual satisfaction and emotional connection.
3. It can feel mechanical or routine
When sex is planned and happens at the same time regularly, it can start to feel routine or mechanical. It can seem more like a chore than a moment of passion and connection. This can reduce overall enjoyment and lead to dissatisfaction over time.
4. Lack of flexibility
Scheduled sex can be limiting if one or both partners can’t handle it when the time comes. If there is not enough room for flexibility, it can create frustration or even resentment. Amidst work stress and responsibilities, sticking to strict schedules can be difficult to maintain.
5. May not address underlying issues
If a couple is struggling with intimacy because of deeper issues like emotional disconnection, anxiety, or unresolved conflicts, planning sex can work as a temporary solution. But it won’t address the root causes. Without addressing these underlying issues, planned sex may not lead to long-term improvements in the relationship.
How to schedule sex?
Here’s how to plan sex with your partner:
1. Find a mutual agreement
Before planning sex, have an honest conversation with your partner. Make sure you’re both on the same page about the idea. Discuss preferences, such as frequency and timing, and make sure the idea isn’t forced or contrived.
2. Set a regular time
Choose specific days or times that work for both you and your partner. Some couples may choose weekends or certain days of the week when they are less stressed or tired. If a partner has a particularly busy schedule, this ensures that intimacy does not fall by the wayside. “You can also schedule the morning or evening based on your energy levels and preferences,” suggests the expert.
3. Use subtle reminders
Instead of setting an alarm or a rigid calendar event, use more intimate and subtle reminders to build anticipation. For example, you can send romantic messages or leave notes until the scheduled time. This keeps the atmosphere playful while reminding both partners of the scheduled time.
4. Plan around key life events
Consider scheduling sex around important times or life events, such as after a stressful work week or during the holidays. Scheduled intercourse during these times can bring about relaxation and help reconnect during times that would otherwise be busy or irrelevant.
5. Be aware of the menstrual cycle
If you are trying to conceive, it is essential to schedule sex around ovulation. There are apps and tools that can track ovulation, helping couples plan sex during peak fertility windows (usually days 12 to 16 of a 28-day menstrual cycle). “Stimulating sex during these fertile windows increases the chances of conception,” says the expert.
6. Spice things up
Although sex is planned, it doesn’t have to be routine or predictable. You can plan themed nights, try out different locations, or introduce new activities to keep things exciting. This approach turns scheduled sex into something to look forward to, adding novelty to the experience.
Scheduling sex can be a useful strategy for maintaining intimacy. It can not only improve a couple’s physical relationship, but also strengthen emotional bonds.
