Last week, I shared with you the framework for a powerful exercise to help you identify and “turn around” your blind spots, weaknesses, temptations, and areas of weakness.
As a quick refresher, you:
- Identify a conscious or unconscious pattern of identity in a paragraph.
- Name the redeeming opposite in a sentence.
- Boil this sentence down to a single word.
One of the best ways to learn is by example, and I hope that revealing the results of my own identity reversal will inspire you and help you create your own.
The following process took me about eight hours in total. I understand that it can seem like a large chunk of time. So here’s something you should know:
It’s important to set aside 3 to 5 days each year for a personal retreat, which can be used for self-reflection exercises, immersion in nature, prayer, meditation, catching up on all those important books you’ve been wanting to read, etc.
So that the multi-day gap in the schedule doesn’t surprise anyone, like my colleagues or co-workers, I schedule this time a year in advance and usually do it at home so I can also catch up on dedicated, deep family time. The beginning of December is a great time for this because it allows me to prepare my resolutions for the coming year.
Anyway, I spent two hours each morning for the first two days of my retreat identifying and writing down trends in my personality and life that I wanted to address, and then two hours each morning for the second two days of my retreat reversing those trends.
Okay, here we go with my list, which ended up being ten items to reverse (you’ll notice that I formed my opening paragraph using a question, which isn’t necessary, but felt like the natural way to do it for me).
1. Why am I so cautious and seemingly hypersensitive to mistakes and lack of excellence in the workplace and in personal relationships, and so impatient and rude when they happen?
Breakthrough Suggestion: I want to be more patient, forgiving and kind.
Reversal: Kindness
2. Why don’t I prioritize connecting with God through deep and constant prayer, even though I know I want to be in constant communication with God and spend life dependent on God’s power, not my own?
Turnaround Suggestion: I want to pray more.
Reversal: Prayer
3. Why do I often see others who are more successful than me, or who seem to have more money, better cars, nicer clothes, nicer houses, more fitness, or more praise from the world as a kind of “social proof,” as if I’m unhappy about all the blessings God has already given me?
Breakthrough Suggestion: I want to get rid of the “grass is greener” thoughts in my life.
Reversal: Satisfaction
4. Why do I feel confused and sad about my relationship with my father and kind of emotionally numb about his death, like I’m disappointed in him or disappointed in our relationship?
Subversion Suggestion: I want to honor my father, have peace about my relationship with him, and bring closure to his death.
Reversal: Value
5. Why do I get bored and sulky so quickly in social situations when I’m not in a position of leadership, responsibility, or “center of attention” and feel like I’m “watching” when I have to make small talk with people or sit and listen to other people’s stories?
Breakthrough Suggestion: I want to do a better job helping people feel seen, loved, and heard.
Reversal: Love
6. Why do I feel like I need to be in control of almost every situation, including my bodily functions and physical condition, and often think about seemingly small, trivial tasks until they are finished or handed off to someone to close the loop, often acting with an OCD-like sense of urgency if something doesn’t get done?
Subversion Suggestion: I wish I could be okay with open loops and relax, trust more, control less and not feel like I have to be on top of everything.
Reversal: Trust
7. Why do I often ignore the subtle hints and promptings that God often gives me during the day, such as how to govern my speech, what I put in front of my eyes or where I go and with whom?
Subversion Suggestion: I want to be more like a disciplined soldier, obeying God’s commands no matter what.
Reversal: Obedience
8. Why do I feel like every moment must be filled with something super productive, spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to find a good deal, accumulate things I don’t need, and get so annoyed when I see frivolous or unnecessary expenses or what I perceive as waste?
Subversion Suggestion: I want to have less of a lack spirit.
Reversal: Abundance
9. Why do I often find myself attending to trivial or non-urgent items with a sense of urgency, or checking boxes during the day just to feel productive, or spending time at the gym just to fulfill a certain number of “waste minutes”?
Breakthrough Suggestion: I want to be more intentional with how I spend my time.
Reversal: Intention
10. Why have I found myself, especially as I get older, trying fewer and fewer new things out of fear of failure, public embarrassment, or injury?
Twist Suggestion: I want to embrace adventure without fear of failure.
Reversal: Courage
This is my list. I hope you really have the idea now about what to do.
We’re almost done here, but one more tip: while I’m not a big fan of relying on GPT for self-improvement, out of curiosity, I fed the above list to GPT and asked it to give an unbiased, objective assessment of my reversals.
Despite what I thought was a fairly basic prompt, the result was really important.
Here is a summary:
- Love anchors Why live.
- Prayer / Trust / Obedience anchor WHERE I depend on.
- Intention / Courage anchor how move.
- Contentment / Abundance anchor how tight keep.
- Kindness / Honor anchor how I treat others.
As I review my intentions on a regular basis, the above summary really helps me categorize them into how they reflect different aspects of my identity.
Okay, so here’s what to do once you have your list:
- Put it on a page of your calendar so you see it often (you have a calendar you open often, right?)
- Add it as wallpaper to your phone (just create an image on your computer or phone and make it your lock screen background).
- For bonus points (see my photo), use a site like Amazon or Zazzle to turn it into a custom poster for your wall.
Finally, remember that it’s not about perfection. Check out my article on being broken to learn more about why we just want to be the best version of our broken selves. It’s all about self-work, growth, and being better equipped to love God and love others with the purpose we’ve been given in life.
Once you’ve completed the exercise, in the spirit of accountability and vulnerability, feel free to share your list below in the comments section. I promise to read them all!
I will send a free signed copy of my books Fit Soul and Endure to the first person to comment with your complete reverse identity list. It can be anywhere from three to twelve or more reversals. Take your pick, but remember not to chew too big a bite at once.
Go!
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