Fans of the cultural phenomenon “Love Island” they know the term “the ick” well. For those of you who aren’t part of this heavy dose of reality TV dating, let’s give you some insight into what exactly the ick is.
You go on a date with someone and find out their favorite music artist is the most whined boy band since the early 2000s. Your lover always manages to get bits of whatever they eat stuck to their facial hair. Your long-term partner leaves dirty underwear on the bathroom floor when he showers – and takes days to pick it up. What do all these scenarios have in common? They are all examples of ick.
What is “The Ick”?
Although it cannot be diagnosed clinically, chik is a serious condition that can potentially change the course of a relationship. Ick is the feeling of slight or extreme disgust, annoyance, cringe, or disgust from someone you are dating or in a relationship with.
Ick can make you go from crushing on someone to repulsing you in a split second. This can be something small and funny or a bigger problem that potentially changes the course of a relationship.
If you’ve ever experienced the shake, you know exactly what we’re talking about. It’s almost like your instincts are taking over and your gut is telling you, “No, no. It’s not that.” The extreme can be physical like the way their nose hair grows (not body shaming by any means) or more psycho-emotional like their sense of humor.
Is “The Ick” Organic?
Biologically, ick makes sense. Whether you want to make babies or not, our normal goal on this planet is to survive and reproduce. If you have a uterus, your body’s incredible radar searches for a sperm donor whose DNA will be the most compatible with yours, and ideally from a partner who can provide safety and shelter for you and your offspring.
The ick feels like it comes from a place of intuition. Your instincts that say “hey dude, this probably isn’t right for you”. Maybe ick is protecting you from possible future scenarios where you find out you’re not compatible with someone.
Enough now with the patriarchal heteronormativity. Your biological drives definitely influence your daily behaviors. But you have free will and the ability to zoom out and make informed decisions about your love life. The same goes for ick.
“The Ick” in Dating vs Long-Term Dating
When you think of ick, it’s usually in the context of dating. If ick appears, it is a good sign that you are young dating app the match will not become your new bookie. While you don’t have to immediately cut off a conversation with someone when they approach you, this feeling can help you weed out who may or may not be right for your relationship.
It’s also normal to feel bad when you get to know someone and look for signs of whether you like them or not. This is a natural part of the dating process.
What if you get stuck with a long-term partner or someone you’re committed to? Ick feels different in these scenarios. But as people grow and change, so do their relationships, and sometimes things come up. There may be new behaviors that you find annoying or something your partner does that you thought was loving now turns you off.
A Case of “The Ick”: What To Do
Your approach to ick will be different depending on the person and whether you are dating or in a relationship with them. Still, it can be confusing or shaky when these feelings come up, so what do you do when you get the hang of it?
“The Ick” in Dating
Dating can be difficult. Whether you’re looking for your forever partner or just someone to have fun with, underlying feelings can come up unexpectedly and without warning.
Sometimes these feelings take the form of fish. Hurt is different from realizing you don’t love someone. It’s a primal reaction that tells you that whatever this person is doing is a big no-no for you.
If you often feel bad while dating, it might be time for some self-reflection. Do you often hold back in relationships or have avoidant tendencies? Are you looking for reasons to be annoyed with someone in your pursuit of perfection in love? Which, by the way, doesn’t exist – that is, perfection, not love.
If this sounds like you, the chick may be some kind of protective mechanism that has gone too far and is now preventing you from delving deeper into a potential relationship. This often stems from a fear of abandonment or rejection and is something worth working on, possibly in therapy.
On the other hand, ick while dating could also be a red flag. Sometimes it’s as simple as your intuition telling you that this person isn’t right for you, or they’ve done something “wrong” on their own.
“The Ick” in long-term relationships
Now, what if you get stuck with your existing partner? Sometimes it can appear when you are more tired and irritable, or when everyday stress is wearing on your nerves. If this is the case, show yourself and your partner some grace. Learn when to take care of yourself instead of being upset with them.
What if your new relationship with your old partner is not about irritation? Ask yourself if the behavior is something your partner can change, and if so, if it’s worth talking to. Relationships change as people grow and develop, so as heartbreaking as it is, sometimes bad is the result of people breaking up.
Some nastiness is normal. They are more likely to appear when you are tired or irritable, or when you are feeling defensive. When it comes down to it, if you want to be with someone, you’re not going to let the little rants they give you get in the way of your relationship
