Tinder, Snapchat and Sextortion: Ethan’s story

Content Warning: This true story reports Sextortion and the topics you may find upset.

Many people around the world have moved to online dating, helping to remove barriers and giving people around the world more opportunities to meet and fall in love with new people. But hidden in the shadows of these applications, and many others, they are scammers. This can be more difficult to detect, as has happened in my experience.

It all started on another innocent day – I saw my own business, passing throughout Tinder like you, when it fits a beautiful young woman. We hit it right away – talking and knowing each other – something I always find hard, especially in applications like this.

I felt like it was going well and suggested that we move to Snapchat, an app that I find easier and I felt safer. I mean you can take pictures of yourself, what better way to find out if someone is real? Or so I thought.

We quickly got snapchatting, and after seeing what I thought was her face many times I felt comfortable talking to her.

I felt lucky, a man like me talking to a woman like that. But I was ready to know that I couldn’t make more wrong.

The discussion became sexual and I mean I wouldn’t stop it, I was open to anything at this point. When you put a place where you are not the first to start sending photos, you feel pressured to do the same even if it can withstand everything you have taught, something I was well predicted and knew I shouldn’t. I have been in the field of sexual health for years. I usually gave me the advice: I never send bare.

But what did I do right now? I sent them. I felt safe, I mean, I thought I was talking to a real person and where the story gets a dramatic shift because not 5 minutes later “it is” by calling and answering, just to hear a man shouting under the phone to me.

I froze for a minute with my heart leaving my chest. I thought What have I been doing? I knew better. Then I came back to reality and focused on what this guy says and after a few seconds I realized that I was catfished and sexTorted. This guy wanted hundreds of pounds of money that I didn’t have or otherwise these photos will be sent to people I know.

My life shone in front of my eyes. At the moment I felt that my life was over if they came out.

I designed to be a consultant – public number – at that moment. If the pictures would come out this dream would end. And not only that, I live in a small town in which I stand out. I could imagine how to play with the audience. But more important to me was the concern that years of working, relationships and fun with the charity for which volunteer would end. I mean how could I work for a charity if they came out? And what charity or organization would he want?

I put the phone down, it’s all I could do. But this guy was intimidating and in the minutes that followed my phone was constantly hitting. I ignored it, something that wasn’t an easy move for me. I mean, what if this guy will pass with his threat, what then?

To say that the following hours were harsh is a devaluation. My head went to some very dark places. I mean why you won’t … know the saying “When you put something on the internet, it never goes away” and, for someone like me, my life and dreams would end. And I was ready to act on it because how could I show my face to my friends and family, or to the charity with which I have worked for so much?

At that time I was so embarrassed that I didn’t feel I could ask for help, I couldn’t inform them that this had happened.

I felt as if I had to know it better – I taught me and brought better than that.

So I hid it and buried it. It is a bad skill I have learned all these years, and has eaten me away for the hours and days and weeks that came. But I got lucky and the photos never spread. The money was never delivered and my life was not over. Could prove to be so different. I hope that the story shows me that anyone can be wrapped in this, no matter who they are. And how one can go against what they have been taught in the pursuit of happiness and companionship.

When it comes to online dating the main advice I would give is just to fit and talk with verified profiles – something I would like to become the only acceptable standard in the applications dating, as it would put people’s minds comfortably. Never take a main snap as proof that the person you think you are talking about is the same as the person in the photo. I would recommend Facetime, as I think this would be much harder to falsify, but you can’t be 100% unless you met in person.

As for the naked mission, as long as we were told not, I think sometimes it is going to happen, so it’s important to give some tips. My main advice that I would give to others and myself is to wait until you meet the person in real life and find out who you send. You must also realize that when you send these photos there is a real chance that this person can have them forever and can share them. If you are not ready or you do not want to send them at all.

They are in times like these when you have to trust what you have taught and not give as I did because I felt pressured.

Finally, I want to say that if this is the case, there are people and organizations with whom you can talk. Do not feel you have to suffer silently – you will have no problem and there are things that people can do to help you.