I hate platitudes in general, but I especially hate platitudes when applied to mental illness. It’s so condescending when people offer a simple piece of advice and tell you everything will be fixed. It’s disgustingly pious when people tell you that you’re seeing things or handling things the wrong way because they know a rhyming couplet. Not only are platitudes unlikely to be helpful in general, I would suggest they are even less so for people with mental illness (especially serious mental illnesses like bipolar disorder). Here’s why people need to stop offering platitudes to those with mental illness (and maybe everyone else).
Recent platitudes aimed at my mental illness
Someone sent me this oh-so-helpful worldview the other day on social media:
“Perhaps he has assigned you this mountain to show others that it can be moved.”
To which I replied, “I doubt it.” (I’m really not that particular.)
The person responded with this:
“Doubt kills more dreams than failure. Keep believing, keep trying, and let your actions prove the doubters wrong.”
My mental illness was hit with a double dose of banality. Who in my favor
Why do people force platitudes about mental illness
When people offer platitudes about mental illness, I think there are many factors involved.
- People think platitudes are useful. If a new age guru said it (or if it was on a fortune cookie), it must be true and useful.
- People assume that if a platitude was beneficial to them, it will be beneficial to you.
- People think it makes them look smart. A person might think that being able to pull a stated platitude out of thin air makes them look smart and makes them feel good about themselves that they could provide such “wisdom”.
- People do not know what to say about such a serious matter, so they understand someone else’s words.
In the above cases, malice is not meant. The world is simply misinformed about what mental illness is and how ordinary life struggles don’t compare to a disabling, life-threatening, lifelong illness.
I believe that the person who said these things to me on social media had the best intentions. I think he thought he was being helpful. I don’t think he was trying to be condescending and pious. The problem is that it came about that way.
The problems with platitudes about mental illness
I’m honestly not sure who platitudes help, but I know they don’t help people with mental illness.
First of all, I don’t buy the fortune cookie wisdom, and I especially don’t buy the fortune cookie wisdom that doesn’t take mental illness into account. Because when someone says something as common as, “You can do whatever you want. you just have to try’, they don’t even remotely consider people with disabilities.
I would argue that it doesn’t apply to anyone, we all have limiting factors, but those of us who are disabled have very noticeable limiting factors.
For example, I was working a 40+ hour a week office job. It was a good job for a huge company. I made good money and got great benefits. However, I can no longer do this. I am now disabled to the point where I cannot work eight hours (or more) a day, five days a week. I literally can’t do it. It’s impossible. I am very sick. It doesn’t matter how much I I want the; I can not I am doing the.
And this is one of the most common and accepted platitudes. It certainly gets worse the more unusual the platitude.
Furthermore, platitudes are meant to tell you how to think and act. It tells you how you are thinking and acting right now is wrong, and this simple platitude about mental illness will fix it. it will fix you.
This negates a person’s experience and journey. That invalidates where they are today – which probably makes a lot more sense than anything you can find in a fortune cookie. There is a reason why people think the way they do. There is a reason why people behave the way they do. Usually, they think and act the way they do because it’s the best thing for them, taking into account many complex factors. Could they be improved? Likely. We all can. But they’re not going to improve with a fortune cookie. It just isn’t.
People with mental illness deserve better than platitudes. We just do.
Don’t offer platitudes about mental illness — do this instead
I think some quotes and platitudes can have a kernel of wisdom in them. We don’t need to screw it up and throw the baby out with the incredibly annoying bathwater.
Instead of just throwing out a platitude, how about saying something like, “I like that quote. It helped me. To me it means . .”
Then you can start a conversation about Why you think something is useful. This is the important part. The important part is how a particular platitude helped you and why you think it might help someone else. This open dialogue allows the person with mental illness to say why it may or may not be relevant or helpful to them.
Or, for God’s sake, just speak in your own words from a personal perspective. Your thoughts don’t have to be short or boring to matter.
And finally, be prepared to reject your thoughts. Look, unless you have a serious mental illness, you are highly unlikely to understand our challenges. Just accept that our lives are different than yours. Just accept that what speaks to you may not speak to us. Just accept that platitudes are probably not helpful for those with mental illness. And that’s okay.
