In my opinion, we could all stand to talk about sex more often. But if there’s one sex-related topic that people tend to shy away from, it’s STDs.
I know, I know. For most of us, it’s easier to talk sex positionsthe oral techniquesthe dirty talk, or…pretty much anything else. But the fact is that 50-80% of American adults I have oral herpes, which usually occurs as recurrent cold sores. It is one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases out there, and yet it is wildly misunderstood.
But you can have an awesome sex life with oral herpes.
Symptoms of oral herpes or HSV-1, including labial sores and fever blisters, are treatable. But I can’t tell you how many alarming emails I’ve received from people over the years, fresh off a herpes diagnosis and panicking about their sex lives. Is it doomed?
No. Hardly not! And here’s why.
You can treat your symptoms.
Although herpes is not curable, it is extremely manageable. You can prevent outbreaks and minimize transmission, and you don’t even need a prescription to do it.
One treatment option I am very excited about is AZZURX*, an all-natural, homeopathic formula that can stop outbreaks before they erupt and quickly heal an active outbreak. Of $23.99 and you can order it online (yes convenience) but I’ll be real with you for a second. A lot of OTC treatments for herpes symptoms just dry out your skin, so when it came out, I looked into it.
Cold sores manifest as painful, fluid-filled blisters, also known as cold sores, that cluster around your mouth or under your nose – but this product is legit stops and heals the outbreak. AZZURX It doesn’t just numb and dry out your skin when an outbreak starts to occur, it heals it. Especially when you apply with the first tingle. Plus, disposable applicators are fantastic because they’re sterile and prevent you from getting re-infected. Seriously, AZZURX it is incredibly effective.
This will go a long way in strengthening you. You know what else will happen? Herpes normalization, finding HSV+ voices.
If you’ve just been diagnosed, find a community.
Tricia Wise aka @safe.slut on Instagram, is an amazing influence in this space. As an HSV+ advocate, she posts about her diagnosis and being sex-positive at the same time. She is one of many influencers working hard to change the stigma surrounding herpes.
Suzanna Elzbieta, aka @suzbub on TikTokis another HSV+ influencer who posts thoughtful, personal videos about HSV, dating, sex, and more. Shana Singleton, aka @coachshanasingleton on TikTok, posts on HSV+ resources, partner disclosures, positive thinking, parenting, and more. These are the sex-positive voices that will guide you, give you information, and show you how to celebrate your sex life – don’t avoid it.
You can have an open dialogue with future partners about sexual health and ask them about their status as well.
If you have oral herpes, you should disclose it to your partners. But you can do it in a way that is collaborative, get of each sexual health status on the table.
In terms of timing, have the conversation before sex – but it’s okay to wait a while after you’ve met. Texting, phone or in person all work and your opening line might look something like this:
“Hello! Before connecting with anyone sexually, I always ask about the last time they had a test and what the results were. And of course, I will share my results with you.”
(Honestly, you might get all the information you need based on how they answer this question. Are they open and receptive? Or are they aggressive / judgmental / dismissive?)
When you disclose, you may get a less than ideal response. Alternatively, you can get a tell-me-more response, so you can share information and talk about it. But the more comfortable you are with the disclosures, the more you’ll get a feel for people who have done their herpes homework and want the education. In fact, some HSV+ people put their sexual health status on their dating app profile for this very reason, to streamline hookups.
Here’s something interesting though. A sexual health conversation does all of your potential partners a constant, since….
Herpes is often not included in the STD table.
You read that right. Very often, herpes is not included when people “test for everything” at the doctor’s office.
It’s one reason why many people don’t even realize they have herpes – especially since kissing and having sex is only one way to get HSV-1. It is often offended in childhood by sharing water bottles and utensils or simply getting a kiss from loved ones. The virus can lie dormant in your nerve cells for years, and some people never develop any symptoms.
I say none of this to scare you – but to reassure you. Because the herpes virus and its symptoms (like cold sores) are so common, the stigma is starting to shift. And yes, it is wise for all of us to get tested, to have the information we need. But should you be ashamed?
No way. The more comfortable you are to talk about this aspect of your sexual health, the more likely you will find it all Talking about sex just got a little easier. Which happens to be a pretty attractive quality.
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*Use code ‘EMILY20’ for 20% off your order at Azzurx
