It’s perfectly healthy to masturbate, but is it possible to overdo it?
What do you call a perfectly normal behavior that the majority of grown men regularly engage in, but society often wants to make you feel guilty about? You may have euphemistically referred to this activity as “choking the chicken” or “playing pocket pool” at a younger age, believing the word itself too taboo to touch, but you know we’re talking about masturbation here.
If you masturbated in the last month, last week, even in the last 24 hours, give yourself a congratulatory pat on the back. You, dear friend, are part of a super, non-exclusive group made up of the vast majority of adult men living in the US. study, over 70 percent of boys have masturbated at least once by the age of 17. Until they come of age? Well, until then it is considered a universal behavior.
There is nothing inherently wrong with masturbating regularly (whatever that means on an individual level). In fact, it is seen as an integral part of it normal sexual developmentand can lead to a number of benefits.
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“Many people find masturbating to orgasm a stress reliever and mood lifter both because of the chemical response it causes and the tension and then the relaxation of the muscles afterwards,” he says. Dr. Vanessa Valentinopsychologist and sex therapist based in New York.
“[Masturbation] it often helps people get to know their bodies and experience more pleasure in sexual encounters with others,” she adds.
You might be wondering what the fishing is here. Is there a dark side to masturbation that you should know about? In short, as with all good things, too much of it—at least overreliance on it, in terms of both your physical and mental well-being—can become problematic.
Here’s what you need to know about the potentially negative side effects of excessive masturbation.
Psychological impact
The reason we masturbate is pretty clear: it makes us feel good, if only temporarily. But there is a downside when you return to the well too many times.
“When you masturbate, you experience a release of the neurotransmitter dopamine,” explains Michele Day, sex addiction therapist, coach, consultant, and director of Chicago Center for Sex & Wellness. “Dopamine hits the brain’s reward centers and is the same neurotransmitter that is released when people abuse drugs—cocaine, heroin, alcohol, etc. “People who compulsively masturbate get ‘dopamine hits’, which leave them temporarily satisfied, but when that doesn’t last, they come back for more.”
That, Day points out, is where compulsive behavior can come into play, where things can go south.
“Compulsive or addictive masturbation can leave you feeling depressed and ashamed because of the depletion of neurotransmitters and your inability to stop the behavior,” she says.
Also of concern, according to Valentino, is the use of masturbation as a coping mechanism.
“One shouldn’t rely on it for mood management,” he says. “If you depend on masturbation to function or feel happy, it’s time to see a psychologist who specializes in sex therapy.”
Its impact on your sex life
Masturbating is an equally normal behavior whether you’re driving alone or being disapproved of (in which case mutual masturbation may play a role). That being said, your masturbation method can sometimes lead to problems in the bedroom with your partner.
“The way you masturbate, both the physical technique and duration and the porn you watch or fantasize about, can have negative side effects if they’re not similar to what you experience during real sex with your partner,” he says. Dr. Valentine. “Many of my patients have a problem because of a long-standing pattern of non-communicable fantasy with masturbation, resulting in sexual performance problems.”
In addition to not being able to perform as well as you would like, this can also make your partner believe that they are doing or have done something wrong — or worse. “The partner often feels ‘something is wrong with him’ when his lover is not aroused,” explains Day. “Compulsive masturbators often let their partners believe this as a way to escape the shame they feel.”
Its impact on other aspects of life
There’s no upper/lower limit to the number of times it’s considered appropriate to masturbate within a given time frame, whether we’re talking about a day, a week, or a month. Everyone masturbates with different frequency and it only becomes problematic when it starts to interfere with other aspects of your life that deserve your attention.
These are the questions to address, according to Day, if you feel the behavior has become compulsive: “Do you masturbate and/or look at pornography at work? Do you isolate yourself from others so you can stay at home and masturbate? Have you been in a car accident because you were looking at pornography and/or masturbating? Do you hide your masturbation from your partner? Are you tired in the morning because you stayed up late watching porn and/or masturbating?’
If any of these situations sound familiar, seeking professional help could be extremely beneficial.
“If you’re neglecting your partner, your job, your social life, etc., it might be time to rein it in and seek the help of a psychologist who specializes in sex therapy,” advises Valentino. “You probably won’t be able to reverse it on your own, but some short therapy can go a long way.”
Developing Feelings of Guilt or Shame
One final aspect of excessive masturbation to consider is the guilt/shame factor. This means that you enjoy masturbating, but you can’t help but feel guilty after doing it, like you’ve done something wrong or are a bad person for this type of behavior.
As Day says: “A lot of people were raised that their body and their gender is something to be ashamed of, especially in American culture, but it’s not.”
Guilt and shame around masturbation come from different places, Valentino explains. The former suggests that you have a negative perception of masturbation, possibly internalized by social influences, while the latter suggests that you believe that society would judge you for engaging in the act.
“These are rooted in different causes and are treated somewhat differently in treatment,” says Valentino. “Psychotherapy that focuses on issues of sex and applies cognitive-behavioral techniques would help to resolve this problem and the underlying problems of confidence in decision-making.”
Masturbation is a normal behavior that the vast majority of men engage in. Whether you participate or not, the most important thing is that your decision comes from a positive place (as opposed to, for example, feeling so ashamed of the activity that you can’t engage in it).
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