So… is it?
First: the difference between vulva and vagina. The vulva is the external female genitalia, while the vagina is the internal muscular tube. Chances are, both yours are perfectly normal. But you might be wondering how your components work / look / feel compared to others. Plus, the messaging around the two is mixed, so let’s get some solid information.
Below, I’ve broken down the most common questions I get from people with vulva and vagina, along with answers. Get your lube and let’s get into it.
Are my lips too long? Is my clit too big?
I’ll give you some average measurements, but first – check The Vulva Gallery if you haven’t already! There is a huge variety in vulva, all beautiful, all unique. It is very normal to have a discreet vulva.
Here are some average measurements so you can get an idea of how different vulva and vagina really are:
- The average of the lipsOr otherwise known as the outer “lips”, it can vary from about 1.6-4.5 inches.
- The middle clitoris is between 3 and 8 mm (0.1 to 0.3 in) in diameter. It also swells during stimulation.
- The average vaginal depth is approx 3.6 inches, but can range from 2-5 inches.
There is also a ton of variation in vulvar skin, and healthy labia can vary in shades from pink to brown, purple to black.
Why does my vulva itch?
An itchy, irritated vulva is also “normal” – as it usually is. But in terms of underlying causes, there are many:
- Friction from sex
- Chafing from tight clothing/exercise
- Fungal infection
- Bacterial vaginitis
- Various STDs
- Menopause
While there are certainly times when you should visit your healthcare provider (if you suspect an STD, for example), there are also many OTC solutions to soothe an itchy vulva.
For immediate relief, I am in love with the brand Momotaro, and their organic skincare range. Instead of harsh chemicals, they use ingredients like Goldenseal and Oregon Grape to restore the vulva’s moisture barrier and help balance pH. (The vagina is slightly acidic, and its pH can be lowered by bacterial imbalances, including common infections.) Momotaro’s Salve it feels soothing as soon as you put it on and won’t upset your pH. Theirs Suppository it’s also a godsend – it treats common vaginal infections and provides continuous relief from the moment you put it on.
Why can’t I feel anything in my vulva that leads to sex?
This is a question about arousal, and the answer is complex. But the issue is very normal – I hear this question almost every day.
Two common reasons why you may feel “numb” in the buildup to sex include:
- You are not activated. You might be sick of sex, which is totally true. If this is the case, I suggest exploring some sexual novelty with your partner. Try filling in mine Yes / No / Maybe list together, which could lead to some sexy discoveries.
- Your blood flow does not oppress your genitals. What makes your vulva pleasantly sensitive? Blood rushes to your genitalia. But that’s it very it’s common to feel a lack of sensation – and what’s needed is a circulation boost. Two ideas: daily exercise to improve circulation overall, and a CBD infused oil right now. CBD is a vasodilator and improves blood flow where applied.
Why does it hurt when I pee?
You may have a UTI (urinary tract infection)! Which is also very normal and common. Those with a vulva are 8 times more likely to develop them than those with a penis. Frequent sex (yay) is a possible contributing factor to a UTI (boo), especially if you don’t pee after sex.
E coli is the bacteria responsible for 90% of UT problems, so you need a product that targets it. I am of the brand Just Thrive* because their supplement spores are more “alive” than anything else on the market, and their UT123 capsules fix UTIs quickly (24 hours fast). Made with full-spectrum cranberry, black cumin seed and hibiscus, it relieves the “pee-knife” feeling and cleans out bad bacteria.
*I get 20% off at Just Thrive with code “SEXWITHEMILY”
Why can’t I get wet?
There are MANY factors that affect vaginal lubrication. Stress levels, time in your cycle, birth control, and alcohol use (just to name a few) can all make it harder to get wet.
In addition, menopause causes a drop in estrogen. This can lead to vaginal dryness, as the vaginal tissues atrophy and become thinner.
Regardless of your age though, vaginal lubrication issues they are normal. According to one study, 30% of women between the ages of 18 and 59 say they have a problem with vaginal lubrication during sex.
Solution; Lubricant. Even if you don’t have vaginal dryness challenges, it just makes sex more fun. Consider this:
- Studies show that all types of lubricants (water-based, silicone-based, etc.) are associated with significantly higher sexual pleasure among all genders.
- For those with a vulva, the chances of orgasm are 50% higher when lube is present.
- Lube makes sex last longer since everyone is more comfortable.
- Lubricant reduces friction, making condoms less likely to break and genital microtears less likely to occur.
You can study a variety of high quality (and approved by me) lubricants. here.
Now that you have a better idea of the rules, continue to explore how you can best enjoy yourself (or a partner!) through open communication and celebrating every body — yes, especially your.
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