Depression kicks my ass. I keep reminding myself that this will pass. Insists. Confirming the impression of the past. Not sure how long this episode will last. It’s deep, huge. A shadow is cast.
I am often asked, what happens? THE how is depression Unfortunately I have no answers but I’ll give it a shot. It is stable. It’s like an itch that can’t be scratched. There is a feeling there but no words to describe how it looks like. If I had to choose one word, I would say, for me, numb. Then I wonder if the numb has an emotion considering…Empty emotion. However, there is a feeling. Oh I got it!! It’s like white noise or static. It’s not loud enough for others to hear. A constant hum that persists despite tuning it. Trying to describe depression is like catching a hummingbird. It’s a feeling rather a noise. A constant noise that only you can feel.
Anyway
My creativity is at an all time high (not counting the last week spent in bed). What I love most about using paper to create is that if you don’t like what you’ve created, you can use layers to cover it up and start over. In early July I decided I wanted to start bringing my passport size travel journal. I did this to encourage on-the-go creation and to have a place for the random dailies I sometimes collect. It has turned out well. I will most likely continue to carry it. I’m putting this month’s mini magazine ‘play’.
He encouraged me to play using my creative mind. I think that’s where we go wrong as adults. We stopped playing. I am guilty and would like to apologize to myself for stopping playing.
While I’m at it
I would also like to apologize in the past for interrupting my Monday Morning Mantra without warning. I’m not so sure these posts were successful, but if you enjoyed them, I apologize. When I’m in a slump the first thing that suffers is my productivity. And having a set posting schedule is part of a productive routine.
Wrap it up but first
I’m lucky to have a support system for when I screw up. I mean it’s always there, but more so in times of uncertainty. For example, my baby mama (the daughter’s stepmom) fell by accident Hi how are you? Now he has seen me at my worst and still only comes when it seems necessary. We have a soul connection. Maybe I nod to her when I’m down. Who knows, but I do know that talking to her and seeing my mother are the only 2 things that make up for the jab. I think it is important to recognize such connections. During this episode I also noticed growth in my relationship in terms of support. Has evolved. Just by recognizing these two scenarios I bring light to the darkness that surrounds me. I think this is a beautiful thing.
Okay, okay, okay
This post is all over the place, so if you made it this far, thanks! It helps me process it by writing things down and lucky you, that’s my speaker. I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone and shared a few photos from my journal for your viewing pleasure, in the hopes that it will ease the angst of reading my dribble. I’m behind on the newsletter, but my intentions are to send some words down this route soon. Do not miss it. Sign up!
how are you holding up?? Is the heat wave affecting your area?
