It is not for me.
TIt can sometimes be an unpleasant realization at times. In my existence, I always matter. With my level of privilege, all of my needs, thoughts, feelings, and voice matter. While this is important for me to know, it is also important for me to know when to willingly set aside my own needs, thoughts, feelings, and voice and make room for others. This is how I think about my role as an ally to my friends and family under the LGBTQIA umbrella. (LGTQIA = Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, Asexual.) Some people think ‘A’ is also ‘ally’. Allies do not need to be part of the acronym because we do not need recognition or validation as worthy of equal rights. No matter how dedicated we are to the cause, we don’t have the same skin in the game. It’s not for us. People who are asexual, however, have had to fight to be recognized as a valid sexual orientation for a long time.
PiThe walk is a great time for LGBTQIA visibility and is an opportunity for allies to show their love and support for those under the LGBTQIA umbrella. It’s a time of celebration and there are lots of fun events and activities to celebrate authenticity and community for people who had to hide for so much of history. Parades, parties, festivals and drag shows are some of the events that bring people together.
PiThe walk is also a moment of recognition and questioning of systemic oppression. LGBTQIA people have a long history of discrimination and marginalization that continues to this day. Sometimes we lose sight of the efforts and sacrifices made by LGBTQIA activists in our past, and our present struggle gets lost in the rainbows and glitter of Pride parades and parties. As allies, it is important for us to fully understand what Pride is all about, both the joys and the challenges.
The It’s important for allies to realize that allyship is more than putting up a rainbow flag in our backyards or performing in a drag show during Pride month. LGBTQIA people need those of us with cisgender/heterosexual privilege now more than ever to take real action to end state-sanctioned discrimination and bigotry that has targeted queer and transgender children and adults. The past few years have seen a tidal wave of bills across the country aimed at disenfranchising LGBTQIA people. In NC alone we have seen attempts at repeal with the HB2 “Bathroom Bill”, forcing transgender teenage athletes to play on sports teams that conflict with their gender identity and giving health care workers the right to deny medical care to transgender people people on the basis of “religious beliefs”. In recent weeks, there has been another attempt by the NC General Assembly to discriminate against transgender teenagers through Florida’s version of the infamous “Don’t Say Gay” bill. It would require teachers and school principals to notify parents if they hear a child express any gender/orientation preferences other than cisgender and heterosexual. Essentially, this bill would force teachers to “take” kids out to their parents, which in many cases could be dangerous and could jeopardize the safety of teenagers who are already at a much higher risk of homelessness and are more likely to to attempt suicide than their communities. /y classmates. Those most affected by these legislative efforts are also those who are already marginalized.
Hit’s your call to action. Enjoy Pride events. Join the party and celebrate the amazing people under the umbrella. Wear the t-shirt with the rainbow flag on it. Then go and contact your elected officials about your opposition to anti-LGBTQIA legislation. Vote for candidates who truly believe in justice. Fight to make your schools and workplaces more inclusive. Educate yourself about the history of LGBTQIA people and movements throughout history. Intervene when you see homophobia or transphobia happening. Raise children who are free to be themselves and who understand, respect and value sexual and gender diversity. Give money to organizations working for LGBTQIA justice. Do the work of the alliance so we all have something to celebrate.
— Dr. Krista Nabar, PsyD, LP, HSPP
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Dr. Nabar is the Executive Director of the Carolina Sexual Wellness Center. She is a licensed psychologist and Psychological Health Service Provider in North Carolina and a Certified Sex Therapist from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). To learn more about Carolina Sexual Wellness Center services or to schedule an appointment with one of our sex therapists, please call our office at 919-297-8322.
