If you’ve looked back at photos of your younger self and wished you looked like this now, you’re not alone. Unfortunately, it’s all too common to not appreciate what we have until 5, 10, 20, 50 years later.
Although they usually don’t say it in so many words, I’ve had many, many, many clients tell me they want their teenage bodies back. I’ve had clients in their 20s tell me this. I’ve had clients in their 70s tell me this.
I’ve also occasionally had people tell me, as a sign of pride, that they can fit back into their high school jeans.
This is all confusing.
Why? For many reasons, but let’s start with the fact that When you long for your teenage body, you long for a body that is not yet mature. There is no universe in which you will have this body back, not even close.
Embracing change
At 19, we haven’t built all our muscles (which continues into our 20’s and includes growth of our ORGANS, which are also muscles) or our bone (which continues until about age 30). Our brains are still developing until the age of 25 or so. We probably haven’t reached the adult set point weight range.
At 17, 18, 19, even 20, you’re just not fully cooked.
So what’s behind this longing for our teenage bodies, and is reclaiming that body really standing in the way of our happiness?
- It could be a byproduct of the fact that we live in a society that idealizes youth and thinness.
- It could be that your longing for the body you had at a certain age is more about your longing to be at that particular age. Do you feel like your life was generally better or simpler then?
- If you were more athletic back then, you might miss what it felt like.
The reality is this the real answer to the question “How can I feel better about my body?” it’s about working to change what’s between your ears (your thoughts and beliefs), not changing your body.
Fighting the imagination
Even if you manage to “fix” your body by fighting it to a size and shape you feel good about, these body image gains are superficial and fleeting.
Why? Because our body is constantly changing. When you’re 20, you’re not meant to have the body you had when you were 10. When you’re 40, 50, 60, 70, you’re not meant to have the body you had when you were 20 or even 30.
We know we will age (we all do now), but we don’t know what else is coming. We may gain weight or see changes in where our body carries weight. We may also develop an illness or disability. None of this changes who we are or changes our inherent value and worth.
Fantasizing about the body we had in the past or the body we might have in the future interferes with giving our body here and now the respect, appreciation, and attention it deserves.
It prevents us from nourishing ourselves with nutritious food, from moving our bodies in ways that feel good. If our body shame is deep enough, it can prevent us from going to the doctor when we need to.
A long-term solution to body dissatisfaction
Unfortunately, body dissatisfaction can happen regardless of one’s size and shape. This is one reason Trying to fix body image by “fixing” the body doesn’t work. Sure, maybe you’ll be satisfied for a while, but the dissatisfaction will return, and then you’re looking for something new to fix.
Doing the mental work to cultivate body respect and appreciation is more effective in the long run. Yes, things can happen that bring back feelings of physical dissatisfaction for a while, but part of that mental work is learning how to be with those feelings without heading into a downward spiral.
While I 100% support everything I just said, I want to offer some additional nuance: Although this mental work is beneficial for everyone, it is also atom work. We don’t live in a vacuum and some people in some bodies also experience systemic bias.
For example, someone in a larger body may achieve physical peace only to be subjected to anti-fat bias every time they leave their home.
To expand on this, someone in a larger body who has other intersecting marginalized identities—Black or Brown, queer, trans, neurodeviant, female, low-income, disabled—will likely experience multiple forms of prejudice and may feel that controlling their body size or shape helps them feel more secure in their bodies because that’s the only way they can adapt.
What if everyone who has experienced body dissatisfaction didn’t do it alone own heal but think about calling out prejudice and discrimination based on appearance or weight whenever they see or hear it? Just imagine the impact it could have.
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Disclaimer: All information provided here is general in nature and provided for educational purposes only. This information should not be taken as medical or other health advice related to an individual’s specific health or medical condition. You agree that use of this information is at your own risk.
Hi, I’m Carrie Dennett, MPH, RDN, a weight that includes registered dietitian, nutritionist and body image consultant. I help adults of all ages, shapes, sizes and genders who want to break free eating disorders, disordered eating or years of dieting. If you need to learn how to management of IBS symptoms with food, or improve your eating and lifestyle habits to help manage a current health concern or just supporting your overall health and wellness, helping people with that too.
Need 1-on-1 help with your nutrition, food or body image concerns? Program a free 20-minute Discovery Call let’s talk about how I can help you and explore if we’re a good fit! I am in network with Regence BCBS, FirstChoice Health and Providence Health Plan and can bill Blue Cross and/or Blue Shield insurance in many states. If I don’t get your insurance, I can help you claim compensation yourself. To learn more, explore our insurance and service areas page.
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