I was 56 when I came out to my company as a trans woman

As he told you Jacquelyne Froeber

It’s June Pride month.

I remember pulling into the parking spot, turning off the car and sitting there for a minute.

My office is in the suburbs of Long Island, so it’s quiet. It was just me and the nervous click of my French manicure on the steering wheel.

I saw the clock turn to 8:59. Fifty-nine minutes earlier, I had hit send on an email informing my staff that I was coming to work for the first time as a woman. I, Wynne, would be at work around 9am

Coming out to my coworkers was the last piece of the puzzle. I had gone through the medical transition and the legal transition. I had told my close friends and family. Now, I was ready to enter my professional life as Wynne. But I was also so anxious I could hardly breathe.

I sent the email because I wanted to give people some time to process the news before I appeared. I’m the CEO of the company and I’ve worked with many of my colleagues for years—decades even—so it’s understandable that people might be surprised. Or shocked.

Part of me worried that coming out could hurt my career. I love my job and had worked so hard to get to this place professionally. But I was finally ready to live my life – my whole life – as my authentic self.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been drawn to the female experience. I wanted to play with the dolls and the Easy Bake Oven. I wanted to look cute like the girls. I didn’t want to hang out with the boys.

It wasn’t so much that I knew from the age of 4 that I was supposed to be a woman — it was that I knew something was wrong. But I was having a hard time pinpointing what that was. No one knew anything about trans people in my day. Maybe you saw a sensational headline here or there, but we didn’t have access to the information we have now.

In my 20s, everything changed. It was the early 90s and home computers became a thing. When I got one – it was as big as the wall – my whole world opened up. There were several trans activists who had put a lot of information online and I read every word. I began to see how all the pieces of my puzzle fit together.

The realization was like a soothing balm to my brain. I wasn’t the only person in the world who felt that way. Just knowing that I wasn’t as messed up as I thought – that there are other people in the same boat – gave me a sense of peace and lit a fire inside me.

But, as I like to say, it took me a long time to bake, just like one of those Easy Bake ovens. I went through all the fear, anxiety and emotion that most trans people go through. How would dating affect my life? Will my friends be able to understand? Will my mother talk to me?

I didn’t necessarily have those answers, but I finally had mine. In 2015 I started the transition process.

Only a few knew I was transitioning. The process can take years, so I had time to think about how I wanted to tell the people in my life. And that meant my mother. I knew telling her would be a challenge.

I grew up in an Irish Catholic home and was an only child. My father died years before I came out so it was just us in our immediate family. I told her I wanted her to use my preferred name and pronouns. But when she didn’t, I never got mad at her. I had to find the humor in it. My mother was a product of another era, so I don’t blame her for not understanding. But a year before she died, my aunt, who was also older but much more progressive, said to her: “Eileen, why don’t you understand what’s going on? Why are you so difficult?’

In general, everyone in my life has been very supportive. I think some of it is in the approach. In situations like my workplace, I wanted to tell people early, but not too early. I wanted to take the edge off the surprise but also have a presence for people to see. I was still their colleague. I wasn’t just a few words in an email.

So, in early 2017, I got out of my car, took a deep breath, and went to work as Wynne. I saw the same familiar faces – supportive faces – and my breathing began to return to normal. The nervousness began to subside.

A lot of my stress came from seeing two guys I was really good friends with at work. I wasn’t sure what their reaction would be (let’s just say they’re not exactly liberals). But when they saw me and hugged me with so much love and support — I was speechless. Surprised. Promising.

I was 56 years old when I came out. Do I wish I had done this years ago? Sure. Everyone who knows me knows how happy I am. But you can’t turn back time, so don’t waste a minute hiding who you are. People can surprise you. And you might be surprised how happy you can be.

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