The ego has a role in destroying many relationships, and not just romantic. The ego can destroy friendships and put a wedge between family members. Whether you have problems with managing your own ego or dealing with the uncontrolled ego of a loved one, it is important to understand what the ego and the negative results it can have in relationships.
“Your ego can definitely block and even destroy a healthy relationship if you tend to do everything for you, do not consider the feelings of others (which lacks empathy essentially) and ignore the thoughts and views of others as inferior to your own,” Moriah Holland Advice Provision Servicessays sheknows. In the meantime, having a relationship with a selfish person can “drain”, says the Netherlands and makes you feel “neglected, invisible, underestimated and insignificant”.
We talked to experts on how to identify the ego and the issues it can cause – and, above all, how to cure and move on to a damaged relationship from them.
I vs. self -esteem
Being selfish is generally negative, while high levels of self -esteem are positive. So what’s the difference? The self -esteem of a selfish person is driven by external factors, mainly feedback from others. A person with a sense of self -esteem of high self -esteem is determined by internal factors such as passion, faith or personal vision.
“With the ego, it is very focused on being right, admiring and checking,” explains Arkadiy Volkov, RP, Psychotherapist and Clinical Manager at Feel your treatment. “It pushes us to defend ourselves and we can hurt our partner in the process.” In other words, people with large egos are often insecure and try to cover these insecurities, pretending to be important or better than everyone else.
Self -esteem, on the other hand, is “more stable and more stable,” says Volkov. “We know our value and feel safe in it. We do not need to prove ourselves. “
We all have one ego. However, we need to learn how to control it. If you let your ego not control it can cause huge turmoil in your life, especially with your partner or spouse. Negative emotions, such as anger, resentment, fear and jealousy are all ego products.
What does the ego do in relationships?
The ego can manifest in many ways in relationships, most of them are quite harmful.
Avoiding deeper connection
“In relationships, the ego can be a defense against attachment,” Volkov says. The idea is that it is not good enough and our abandonment is frightening to us and when these fears are activated, we are looking for a way to protect ourselves. “Ego serves this purpose,” he explains.
To protect yourself and hide your evil from the other person, you also want to protect yourself and not let the other person see you injure. However, by doing this, you do not allow yourself to be vulnerable to your partner.
The cycle of critical defense
“Those who are selfish are more likely to receive feedback as critical and see it as an attack on their character or a moral defect within them,” says Zoe Spears, a licensed marriage and family therapist in the Linked treatment of California. This can lead them to react defensively, divert the issue or just close.
Spears says she often sees this pattern with the couples she works with. “One partner highlights an issue and the other partner’s automatic response is to go to the defense, which prevents the couple from being able to resolve or speak through the problem,” he explains. This can lead to “built resentment, increased conflict and” gridlock “where the couple sticks to an eternal cycle-defense criticism without reaching solving or completely avoiding conflicts and becoming emotionally remote,” Spears explains.
One -sided relationship
A healthy relationship must be balanced, says the Netherlands, but a relationship dominated by a person’s ego is anything else. “It is certainly not healthy for a relationship to be only one -sided, where only one person gets all the attention, care, love, admiration, etc. All the time, and never the other,” he explains. “Healthy relationships are balanced, where every person believes that the other is just as important, beloved and cared for as the other.”
They hang
Many times a person will remain in a bad relationship because their ego will not allow them to accept that the judgment of their partner’s character was wrong. This is common when a person deceives or abuses. The ego is bruises and we cannot accept that we are less attractive or less desirable than the other person or that we are the kind of person who would receive such treatment. It cannot be true that we have invested years in a relationship that does not work. Our ego will not allow us to accept it. So he hangs on the relationship to prove that we deserve to be in it. In order to move forward, a person must leave his ego and be liberated from an unhealthy relationship.
Jealous
When your partner is out without you, your mind is wild with thoughts about what they do? The jealousy and the ego can be very devastating. If obsessed with these thoughts that run through your mind, once they come home, you can convince yourself that they are cheating on you. Of course, an argument will arise and your partner will be disappointed with the categories. If the pattern is repeated, they will become unhappy and eventually want from the relationship, all because of a fantastic story that allows your ego to create your head.
Be right
For the selfish, being right all the time is closely linked to the feeling worthy. Therefore, those who cannot leave their egos do and say anything they can to always be right. Unfortunately, this is happening, well, everything else.
“When the ego takes up, we stop listening,” he says Chloë Bean, LMFT, Los Angeles bodily trauma therapist. “The ego feeds a power race and the nervous system then shifts into a protection mode rather than a connection mode.” From there, the desire to always be right can destroy relationships with colleagues, bosses, brothers, relatives and spouses.
Management and Movement beyond the ego
So the question is, how do you take control of an ego running ruthless – or help a loved one do the same? Starts with observing the ways the ego (or your partner) appears. “Be aware and notifications and reflect: I try to protect my pride or my relationship and partner?” Volkov says. “If you protect your pride and trying to win, you can shift your attention from wanting to land on top to ask what your partner feels. So we can connect with ourselves and others.”
At the same time, it is important to approach the ego with understanding. “The ego is a defensive answer and it is a learning behavior from previous experiences, so it is important to have compassion for this place and understand what is causing the Ego response,” Spears says. This could mean excavations of deeper fears or criticism dating from previous relationships or even childhood. Once you can come across the ego with compassion, you will notice less defense and more ability to hear.
To do this, start with a pause, ground for yourself and breathing, says Bean. “When you adjust internally and with your partner, you can move from defense to curiosity,” he explains. As soon as you notice the ego and approached it gently, try to “name the need under the reaction of the ego,” he says. This may mean to say something vulnerable, such as: I want to feel by listening, or I feel not appreciated or I’m afraid to lose you. This vulnerability, he says, “creates intimacy instead of distance.”
What comes down, says the Netherlands, is constant communication. If your partner’s ego hurts your relationship, for example, it is important to communicate how you feel. Do this with “statements I”, he says, as “I feel neglected when you don’t ask me about my day or how I do.” If you are trying to communicate and not feel heard or have fears of your partner’s answer or reaction, the Netherlands recommends talking to a reliable person like a friend, family member or therapist. They can “offer you comments and/or tools to manage and deal with your own feelings (and I would like to imagine frustrations) about your relationship,” he says.
The truth is that we all have one ego that affects us in different ways. Is about observational These results and management of issues that arise as a result to ensure that your relationships remain healthy and surprises.
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