I was a marriage consultant for more than fifty years. When I graduated from the postgraduate school in 1968, I had great hopes of helping couples fulfill their vows to “always live happy afterwards”. I got married to my college in 1966 and we look forward to having children and getting older. It didn’t prove like that. We successfully managed the “growing old” part, but our marriage did not survive. If you visit my site, you can watch my introductory video, “Confessions of a Wedding Advisor Twice”.
It is not that consultants hold the exchange of good news on how to have successful, long -term relationships. It’s because we know the theory of how to “live happily ever after”, we just don’t succeed in exercising what we preach.
Most people know that the chances of having a long and happy marriage are not good. Statistics tell a frustrating story.
“Since 1955 the divorce rate in American has been hovering about fifty percent.”
These are the first words of an incredibly powerful and promising Duo documentary called Emmy, Chris Brickler and Michael Romero. The film explores the lives and the livelihood of Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen Lakelly Hunt, two of the most important pioneers in the world of relationship communications for the last 40 years.
I first met Harville and Helen in 1988 shortly after the publication of their best sales book, Getting the love you want: A guide to couples. We have been friends and colleagues since then. Like my wife, Carlin and I, Harville and Helen had both divorced before meeting and getting married. What I learned from reading their book (and reinforced by reading all their other books), allowed Carlin to have a long and happy marriage. We are still strong after forty -five years together and continue to exercise the simple ones, leave the skills developed by Harville and Helen.
I have interviewed Helen and Harville many times in the past. Recently I had the good luck Interview Harville only When Helen could not come with us because she was unexpectedly named to speak to another event. Harville and I had the opportunity to discuss deeper some of the things that men can do to live happily always afterwards.
In addition to working with couples, my work in the field of Men’s Special Medicine and Health is very focused on men’s help. Our colleagues John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman were interested in saying about men:
“What men do in relationships is, with a great margin, the critical factor that separates a great relationship from a failed, this does not mean that a woman does not need to do her role, but the data proves that a man’s actions are the basic variable that determines if a relationship succeeds or fails to do so.
So what is the simple secret to the divorce that protects your marriage? The secret is having safe conversations. As Helen and Harville remind us, the most dangerous things people do with each other are the discussion. Explain to their wonderful book, Making the wedding simple,
“We need to create safe places to talk to each other, safely. We mean two people who live in relation to nor do they feel hurt, criticized or abolished by each other.
This is easier to say than to be done.
The Heart of Dialogue: The new movie that can change the world forever
I was excited when I recently received an email from Harville and Helen: “Today is the world premiere for the “The heart of dialogue,” A new 70 -minute documentary of Harville and Helen’s story. I love books. I have written seventeen of mine and suggest all the books written by Harville and Helen. But there is nothing like you are with them. Watch the movie and you will find yourself close and personally with Helen and Harville and participants in one of their workshops.
But this is not all, you will be introduced to a new technology that will allow you, and millions of others, to interact with Helen and Harville now and in the future. Although I have met Helen and Harville for years, I had not heard about Chris Brickler and Michael Romero. I would like to recommend them now. Their work is exciting and lifechanging.
Chris is a producer and director of documentary, dramatic shorts and music and commercial videos and commercial videos. It is currently founder and CEO of Mynd vaccination, A technological start that provides impressive experiences for the elderly to improve cognitive function and quality of life. For most of his career career, Chris was a leader in bringing innovative new technologies to the market. His latest attempt is called Eternalize, an Ai-Lab he creates, maintains and dominates the interactive digital twins of favorite favorite and public figures for future generations.
Michael is also a producer and documentary manager designated by Emmy. He has spent his career in business development. It has manufactured some of the largest brands in consumer goods, medical products and technological industries. Michael is also a member of the Foreign Team.
The gifts given by Harville and Helen to millions of couples around the world would make my heroes forever. But they didn’t stop after helping us to save our weddings. They acknowledged that what worked for our most familiar relationships could work for all our relationships – with those we love and those we distrust and fear.
In their book, How to talk to anyone about anything: the practice of safe conversations, they say,
“Our pandemics, war, natural disasters and political turmoil led us to separate, areolated us and sent us to leave for refuge.
I certainly felt many times and felt despair about the future of mankind. One of the biggest dangers I see is that more and more people are consciously or unconsciously believed that humanity is doomed. But Helen and Harville’s safe conversations can not only save our weddings, but they could even help create a safer world now and forever.
“Clearly, we need a way to restore security and courtesy in our daily interactions so that we can talk to each other without causing arguments or violence.
Everyone can take a step in the direction of the future that we all want and help, in the words of my colleague Charles Eisenstein, to create “the most beautiful world that our hearts know”. If you choose, you can start now.
You Watch the movie here.
You can find out more about Harville and Helen here.
You can find out more about safe conversations here.
You can find out more about me and my work here.
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