For most people, pleasant sex is sex -free sex. But even small difficulties can make sex less enjoyable. While sexual pain can have many causes, the indication of its resolution can start with our mentality.
What causes sexual pain?
Sometimes, sexual pain is a condition. You may have a new partner and need time to adjust to another’s body. Or you might try a new sexual position or have sex in a place you are not used to. Any of these scenarios are possible and are usually easy to fix.
However, sexual pain can also be caused by medical conditions. It may be temporary, but it could be chronic. And can be difficult to resolve at the beginning.
Here are some common and not so common causes:
For men:
- Faying (appears when penis foreskin cannot be pulled back)
- Peyronie’s disease (plaques forming the bending of the penis)
- Chronic patron saint/chronic pelvic pain (inflammation affecting prostate gland)
For women:
- Endometriosis (development of endometrial tissue outside the uterus)
- Ovarian cysts
- Pelvic inflammatory disease (a infection often caused by STD not undergoing treatment)
- Recent childbirth
- Vestibulodynia (pain in the vaginal entrance)
- Vulvodynia (chronic pain in the vulva – the clitoris, lips and urethra opening)
- Vaginismus (unintentional contraction of vaginal muscles)
- Gynecin
- Menopause
- Vulva and vaginal atrophy
For men and women:
- Arthritis
- Allergies (eg to personal care products, condoms from latex or sperm)
- Psoriasis
- Genitals or pelvic damage
- Surgery
- Sexually transmitted infections
- Licenic sclerosis (genital skin condition)
For more details about these reasons, see the useful list of resources at the end of this article.
Keeping sex pleasant
So what can couples do to stay intimate without pain? Here are some ideas:
- Re -examine the definition of sex. Many couples believe that sex equals penetration and that other activities do not “count”. Focus on what counts for you and your partner. Is it a pleasure? Excitement; Connection and welding? Think ways to achieve these goals without pain. It may mean to try new sexual positions, deal with oral sex or make mutual masturbation. Could kiss, caress or massage. Whatever it is, you and your partner can decide what will make a familiar experience satisfactory.
- Talk to your partner. Many couples are anxious to discuss sex together. But it’s important to do this, especially if any of you feels pain. Be immediate to tell your partner about what is painful and what is pleasant. Be open to the ways in which your sexual challenges affect your relationship. If you have a problem with these discussions, seeing a consultant or a sexual therapist can help.
- See your doctor. Many sources of sexual pain can be treated with medicines, lubricants, natural therapy, counseling, sexual treatment or surgery. Talk to your gynecologist, urologist or doctor about what’s going on. It may take some time to identify the cause, but it is a path worth exploring.
- Be willing to make adjustments and compromises. As noted above, some couples should try new things in the bedroom. Take your time discovering what these things are. For example, a woman who finds painful vaginal contact can try a warm bath or romantic slow dance with her partner if these activities will help her relax. She and her partner could also decide to get the intercourse from their sexual routine while seeking treatment.
If you have sexual pain, you do not need to smile and endure it. The chances are that your partner will want to do whatever it takes to make the experience satisfactory for both of you. Work together to achieve your sexual goals.
Resources
Disease Control and Prevention Centers
“Pelic Inflammatory Disease (PID) – CDC Information Bulletin”
(Last update: July 10, 2017)
Health.com
‘9 problems that can make sex painful for men’
(29 February 2016)
International Society for Sexual Medicine
“Antidepressants and vulva”
“What is sperm allergy?”
“What is the chronic patron saint/chronic pelvic pain (CP/CPPS)?”
“What is the clitoris (clitoris pain)?”
“What is Dyspareunia?”
“What is Licen Sklinos and who is affecting?”
“What is silence?”
“What is caused by the provocative of Ahwalia (PVD)?”
Self
Kerr, Breena
‘How to review intimacy when’ normal ‘sex hurts
(September 8, 2017)
