Therese is a passionate social work student and hiker who has worked in early childhood education for over 20 years. He grew up with a father who suffered from schizophrenia. Last week, Therese spoke to SANE about her experience of living with someone with complex mental illness, how things have evolved over time and how talking about everything has helped.
My father and aunt both lived with schizophrenia, giving our family a unique coming-of-age experience. My father was so handsome, funny and creative. He would do anything for us. He was a former surfer, enjoyed playing the harmonica and was an ‘A grade’ rugby player.
Jude was dumb. She loved the theater and loved to act. she was a wonderful woman. We lost Jude last year and Dad in 1993. We were so blessed to have Dad and Jude in our lives to teach us about grace, respect and diversity. It was a gift, for sure.
“We were so blessed to have Dad and Jude in our lives to teach us grace, respect and diversity. It was a gift, for sure.”
You mentioned your lived experience, what impact did that have on your family growing up?
My family faced stigma, poverty and hard times. I distinctly remember not being able to play with the neighbor’s children when Dad had a psychosis. Nobody understood then. I also remember the family at the top of the road giving us water to leave. It’s pretty horrible. There was so much joy, though. we had a huge family, lots of friends and lots of love. Mom let us be so creative, we rode our bikes, made buttons, climbed trees, played projectors, had barbecues with friends and many other fun times. I like to honor the fun and the sad moments.
Although the impact had many layers. It took me a long time to open my heart to love. It took me until I was 30 to start my degree because of my perfectionist traits and fear of failure, and most importantly living with bulimia from the age of 28 to 37. I am now 47. Once I learned it was a symptom of unhealed trauma, the treatment increased and thankfully I was able to face myself and say “This has to stop or it will kill you!” This is how I cured bulimia in a nutshell. Owning vulnerability is vital.
Have you faced difficulties or misunderstandings because of your family’s mental health problems?
I had many beautiful friendships growing up and still do to this day. I value connection more than anything else. I think for my mother, it was much more difficult. She would carry the full load when Dad was paranoid or really sick. It’s fair to say at times the stigma and adversity was damaging. I don’t want to sugar coat it. Mom did the best she could with the resources she had. My mother is courageous and wise in many ways. My sisters loved dad with all their hearts. Now, they are all working on their own healing journeys and giving back with their lived wisdom.
Have you seen any change in it over the years?
The changes I’ve seen include the breakdown of stigma with discussion, the latest research, and more acceptance of diversity. I feel so grateful to have lived through the horrific nature of stigma in the 80s and 90s and to now see the changing narratives. My heart goes out to those who have lived with brain diversity, or cared for someone, who didn’t get to experience the kindness that has begun to shine through in society today. It’s a superpower… a privilege really.
What strategies has your family adopted to maintain a stable and supportive environment for each other?
We grew up with Dad’s extended family, with rich experiences filling our hearts. I remember so much joy in my childhood. Strong family ties were one of them. When I was 20, my mom started advocating for herself after dad died and started teaching us about repeating patterns and intergenerational trauma. He never stopped pushing us, reminding us that we should go and seek therapy to deal with the layers of pain.
What is your biggest motivation for sharing your story?
I experienced many sweet moments during my treatment. Sharing my story helps others feel safe and not alone. Shame has this insidious way of weaving in and out of our lives, so when we know this, we can stop it in its tracks. I really want to help people with this. Shame hurts too many people in this world.
As someone who has experienced the stigma firsthand, what message or words of encouragement would you offer to others who are currently living with a family member diagnosed with schizophrenia?
Bravery creates change! Boundaries are necessary. Learning where we start and where others end is always so important to self-respect. Healing takes time. be gentle with yourself. Trust the wisdom of your gut and body. Be brave, invest in yourself and advocate for yourself. If you live with anxiety, it’s important to understand negative thought patterns by doing self-introspection. You are not weak. you are enough, you are strong and you are so courageous. Talking and talking about your experience is challenging but incredibly healing. It is a beautiful commitment to ourselves – an act of self-love. Our nervous system holds trauma and can cause disease. so it is essential to have a supportive team around you in the healing space. Understanding that I was born into an environment where my father lived with delusions and paranoia helped me trust my body’s wisdom instead of fearing it. This was a crucial insight. It’s easy to feel disconnected from our bodies when we see someone else unable to trust the world around them.
