Setting boundaries with family during pregnancy is critical to your well-being. But it needs work!
Trust us when we say that it’s worth learning to set boundaries with family, because you’ll need to reinforce them throughout your parenting journey.
As you set boundaries, remember you are not alone!
Setting boundaries with family during pregnancy
We’re here to provide seven helpful tips for setting and maintaining healthy boundaries during pregnancy and much more.
1. Determine your needs
Ask yourself what is important to you and for you during pregnancy and after delivery. And if you have a partner, include them in these discussions as well.
Understanding your needs will provide a solid foundation for setting boundaries. Consider your physical, emotional and mental well-being and your preferences for both privacy and support.
For example, during a plus size pregnancy, there is often a focus on your body size and increased risks for you and your baby.
You can set boundaries around the conversations you want (and don’t!) have about your body’s ability to have a healthy pregnancy. Below, you’ll see useful examples of phrases you can say!
Another thing to consider is who will be present at your birth and how soon you will allow visitors. This is an important criterion when developing the birth and postpartum plan.
While setting boundaries may seem difficult at first, it’s worth noting that they ultimately lead to a more positive and manageable life. Trust us, it’s true!
Although you may feel out of control at times, it’s important to remember that you have more power than you think when setting boundaries with your family during pregnancy. Despite all these, are you the one that grows life inside you.
2. Communicate your needs
“I” statements are powerful tools when setting boundaries because they allow you to express your needs and feelings powerfully and in a non-confrontational way.
Let us consider the difference between a you statement and one I statement.
You Statement:
“You don’t have to be involved in every aspect of my pregnancy. You’re always so bossy and pushy.”
I Statement:
“I feel overwhelmed and in need of personal space during my pregnancy. It would mean a lot to me if I could navigate this journey on my own for now. Your understanding and support is greatly appreciated.”
Do you see the difference?
You will want to clearly express your boundaries to your partner, family, friends, and health care providers.
And be specific!
Give specific examples of what you are comfortable with and what you are not.
An example during labor would be: “I’m open to visitors, but I need at least 24 hours notice.”
Now it is difficult for many – practice saying no!
It’s perfectly okay to say no when you’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or uncomfortable.
Pregnancy can be physically and emotionally demanding. We promise it’s okay to decline invitations or requests that seem too onerous.
Below are examples of phrases you can say to set healthy boundaries during pregnancy.
Phrases to say when setting boundaries with family during pregnancy
“I have noticed that certain topics cause unnecessary stress during my pregnancy. So I would appreciate it if we could avoid these discussions now.”
“I understand that you may be excited and eager to join, but I need some space to focus on taking care of myself and preparing for the arrival of my baby. I hope you respect that.”
“I’m going through my pregnancy journey in a way that feels right for me. Please refrain from offering unsolicited advice or making negative comments.”
“I understand that you have different opinions, but I have made certain choices about my pregnancy and parenting. I ask for your understanding and respect.”
For those with a partner, feel free to add their name to the statements so your family knows that these boundaries are coming from both you and your partner.
We’ll use the last sentence as an example:
“Ash and I are navigating our pregnancy journey in a way that feels right for us. Please refrain from offering unsolicited advice or making negative comments.”
Phrases for Setting Boundaries During Plus Size Pregnancy
For those worried about negative comments during a plus size pregnancy, you may find these phrases helpful. We’re sharing even more tips for analyzing your second trimester pregnancy, week by week.
“I understand you may have concerns, but I am under the care of doctors who are monitoring my health. If there are problems, they will deal with them.”
“I am practicing self-care during this pregnancy, including protecting myself from negative comments or judgments about my size.”
“I choose to prioritize my and my baby’s well-being. So negative comments or judgments about my size are not helpful or supportive.”
“Please do not comment on my weight or body during this pregnancy. As I have to keep a positive mindset and focus on the joy of bringing a new life into the world.”
“I am aware of the potential risks associated with a large pregnancy and am taking appropriate measures to ensure a healthy outcome. So let’s focus on positive and uplifting discussions.”
3. Limit exposure to negativity
We all want to surround ourselves with positive influences and limit negativity during pregnancy.
If some family members tend to be judgmental or unsupportive, set healthy boundaries about the time you spend with them or the topics of discussion.
You can also do your best to protect yourself from negative influences that may affect your pregnancy. Examples include limiting time spent on social media platforms and trying not to get too much negativity from other forms of media.
Limiting exposure to negativity can reduce stress and anxiety during pregnancy. In turn, you will work to protect yourself and your baby’s overall well-being.
4. Set up a support system
“I’m getting by with a little help from my friends!” – The beetles
No joke, pregnancy and becoming a new parent will really test your relationships. It becomes apparent who your true friends are and whether they are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Trust us? you will want to identify family members and close friends who are supportive and understanding as early as possible in this journey. Share your boundaries and concerns with them and ask for their help in enforcing those boundaries when needed.
A strong support system can give you the encouragement and validation you need and deserve.
5. Involve your health care provider
A care provider can be invaluable when setting boundaries with your family during pregnancy.
First of all, we hope you’ve already connected with a size-friendly care provider who makes you feel heard, respected, and well cared for during pregnancy.
Then share your concerns with them and any specific medical issues people are commenting on instead of bottling them up.
Your care provider takes care of your mental health and physical well-being during pregnancy. They can offer helpful tips to talk to your loved ones and reassure you.
Your care team can also help enforce boundaries with family and visitors during labor and delivery. Write this birth plan down and be sure to review it with your medical professionals!
Now, if it is indeed a care provider that you need to set boundaries with, don’t worry! We also have a helpful resource for you.
6. Evaluate and adjust
As your pregnancy progresses, your needs and comfort levels may change. We encourage you to constantly evaluate your limits and be willing to adjust them when necessary.
Remember, boundaries are not set in stone and you are in control of communicating and enforcing what is best for you and your family.
7. Prioritize Self-Care
Read this and then read this again – Setting boundaries is an ultimate act of self-care! And when you prioritize self-care, you can effectively set and maintain your boundaries.
Self-care comes in many forms, from taking quiet moments for yourself, practicing mindfulness techniques, listening pregnancy podcast episodeor even have a prenatal massage.
So, communicate your need for self-care and ask for support when necessary.
By following these tips for setting boundaries with family during pregnancy, you’ll create a nurturing and encouraging environment for yourself and your baby that extends well into pregnancy.
You have this and we are always here to support you on your pregnancy journey!
Jen McLellan is a certified childbirth educator, published author and founder of Plus Size Birth and host of the Plus Mommy Podcast. For over a decade, she has advocated for plus-sized people, and the National Institutes of Health supports her work. Jen has been featured in major publications including the New York Times, Glamor and the Huffington Post. She helps people navigate the world of pregnancy, shares tips for embracing your body, and laughs through the adventures of parenthood.
