Yoga comparison…
It happens to the best of us. We’re in a yoga class (or if you’re like me these days, just logging in from your living room), look around and think to ourselves…. Do I belong here too?
- My yoga pants are circa 2008.
- My back isn’t as deep as it used to be.
- The once taut skin of my abdomen hangs like a hammock from my torso during Plank Pose. (No bindings, zips, or corsets are going to help the aesthetic… I don’t care what this 22-year-old yoga teacher says.) And let’s not even discuss what’s going on with the girls. (Note to self: Buy a new sports bra.*)
These toxic, Mean Girls comparisons happen even more often in other areas of life.
- When I walk into my kids’ schools, I think everyone can tell I’m working at home by my shabby wardrobe and messy hair.
- The back doors of my car rarely unlock on cue, so sometimes my kids have to climb from the front into the car line.
- Other moms manage to feed their children organic vegetables at every meal women’s running shoes* to run marathons and start million dollar businesses… I struggle to find five minutes to meditate some days.
Why can’t I figure it out and do it better?
On yoga and comparison
The best question is this: Why are we so mean to ourselves? We scrutinize everything from our yoga clothes to our bodies to our parenting skills. What benefit do we get from it?
The scientific answer is that we have evolved to look for evil—scary things—because if we see a threat first, we can run or hide and save ourselves. It’s a matter of survival. We are conditioned to look for the negative…and almost never see the good. Especially to ourselves.
It’s tragic when you think about it.
Because there is a lot of GOOD around us (and within us!) if we start looking for it.
And, Really, feeling bad about ourselves isn’t going to keep us safe. I
If anything, in today’s world, feeling self-conscious and beating ourselves up just holds us back from our potential. If we don’t believe in ourselves, the people we work with will see it and question us as well. It’s not just work. Sometimes this means that our children challenge our leadership and test our limits even more than they already do.
I won’t pretend to have the answers. Clearly, I struggle with this like no other.
But over the years, I’ve found a few things that have helped me. Maybe these tips will help you too.
Make sure the comparison is fair. Don’t compare apples to oranges.
One of the first lessons I learned as a new yoga student is that it’s not fair to compare yourself to others.
For example, Karen in the first series may have been a competitive gymnast as a child. If you didn’t have that opportunity growing up, it’s not fair to expect your body to respond to yoga the way hers does.
The same goes for parenting. The mom who seems to have it all together on social media may live next door to her parents to give her frequent breaks. She may have a full-time nanny. Or maybe her
Remember to celebrate your wins.
Every Friday, I text my friend three wins from the last week. She sends me her own messages too and we practice noticing the good and celebrating. Some weeks it’s REALLY hard to think of three wins from my week. (And, yes, I can always think of many more shortcomings…)
It takes practice to cultivate awareness of good things. In yoga, you may have to practice a yoga pose thousands of times, often over many years, to master the small subtleties and techniques involved. (Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, you’ll realize there’s more to learn!)
The same goes for changes in mindset. So find an accountability partner or take a few minutes to write in your journal at the end of the week and think about the GOOD things you do each day.
Remember that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
My yoga practice helps me immensely with this because it gives me a place to practice accepting myself as I am. My hamstrings are tighter than I want. My backs are not as deep as they once were. I’m tired after a few sun salutations.
And you know what? Okay.
Because I have lived in this body doing things that need to be done for my family. And that’s how it’s supposed to be at this stage of life.
I remind myself that yoga is a tool to support my life, not the other way around. We all go at different paces and have different bodies. Mine serves me exactly the way I need to support my life right now. I’m exactly where I need to be.
I am incredibly grateful for that.
Also see 90+ Positive Affirmations for Every Stage of Life
What lessons have you learned about comparison and competition from your yoga practice? Let’s have an honest discussion. Comment below!
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