Sex and Menopause – Brooke

1. Get support with your mental health

If you’re not in the right headspace, it can be hard to get excited (or turned on). Like any time in your life, mood swings, stress, anxiety or depression can all affect your desire for sex. Getting support can help.

Talking to your partner about how you feel and what’s going on can help them understand and support you. Explaining any physical or emotional effects of menopause and perimenopause can help your partner understand why you’re not in the mood for sex, or if you need adjustments to make sex more comfortable.

You may also find that prioritizing yourself by getting enough sleep, exercising, meeting up with friends can also help your mental health. There are also lots of places you can go for mental health support, check out our menopause support page for more information https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/sex-and-menopause/.

Menopause can be difficult to talk about and seek support for, and some people face additional barriers (including transgender people who may worry about ‘coming out’ by talking about or showing menopausal symptoms). But whatever your situation, you’re not alone and there are places you can get support.

2. Leave the script

There are no rules when it comes to sex and how much sex you should have.

Everyone is unique and what we like changes over time. And this also applies to long-term relationships! You may find that the type or frequency of sex you used to enjoy just isn’t working for you anymore, or you may be curious about trying new things. Feeling this way is not a criticism of past sexual encounters. rather, it is an opportunity to broaden your experiences. By communicating and exploring with your partner, you can learn what is pleasurable for you at this time in your life.

3. Be intimate in other ways

You shouldn’t feel pressured to have sex, or a certain type of sex, if it’s not what you want. You may find that simply being affectionate is a good way to help you feel connected to your body and close to your partner.

4. Try new things

Finding out that the sex you used to have is no longer working for you can be frustrating, especially if you don’t know what works! It may take longer to get excited or turned on, or you may find that different things turn you on now that they didn’t before.

Exploring what you like on your own can be a good way to get in touch with your body and explore what feels good. There are many different kinds of sex, and sex doesn’t have to end in orgasm. Pleasure looks different for everyone and at different times in life.

5. Manage your physical symptoms

If you want to have vaginal sex, whether with sex toys or a penis, both vaginal dryness and an overactive bladder can cause discomfort. Here are just a few things that might help:

Dryness of the vagina

• Use lube during sex
• Try vaginal moisturizers if vaginal dryness is affecting your daily life
• See your doctor – they may be able to prescribe HRT (hormone replacement therapy) in the form of a vaginal ring, creams, patches and gels containing estrogen which can increase your arousal and natural lubrication.

Overactive bladder

• Try different types of sex, e.g. oral
• Put a towel down in case you leak during sex to soothe yourself (this might be a good idea anyway – sex gets messy!)
• Try different sex positions – some positions put more pressure on the bladder than others
• Go for a little while before sex so you have less to worry about leaking
• Try to reduce the amount you drink in the build up to sex so there is less pressure on the bladder
• Do daily pelvic floor exercises – these can help strengthen the muscles around your bladder and give you more control (as well as give you stronger orgasms and increase your sensitivity during sex!)
• Take breaks if needed – make sure you are comfortable during sex, this includes taking a short break if needed.