In Part 1, I discussed the origin of my own search for masculinity that grew up with a father’s absence. I also presented you to Michael Gurian and Sean Kullman and their book, Boys, a Rescue Plan: Moving beyond the politics of masculinity in the development of health men. In Part 2, I expanded the discussion to draw from the work of other colleagues who recognize that healthy masculinity, such as healthy femininity, is opposite the same currency and must be created together for the good of all.
Psychologist Jungian Robert Moore and mythologist Douglas Gillette wrote a powerful and mind -expansive book, King, warrior, magician and lover: Discovering the archetypes of the mature male. They also understand the importance of the transit ceremonies to help men develop in healthy mature adult men.
“In this crisis in masculinity we do not need. As some feminists say less male power, “says Moore and Gillette.” We need more. But we need more than the mature masculine.”
Continue to say,
“There is excessive slander and injury to both male and female in patriarchy, as well as feminist reaction against patriarchy. Feminist criticism, when not wise enough, in fact further hurts an already besieged authentic masculinity.”
I met Robert Moore and Doug Gillette shortly after the publication of their book. We had a relationship with Robert Bly. I had met Bly several years ago and shared with him a cabin at a men’s gathering in California. Gave me a copy of his book, The rag and the bones of the heart, They are written with James Hillman and Michael Meade. Robert wrote:
“For Jen with the love and mood of the brothers.”
In the introduction to King, warrior, magician and loverMoore and Gillette, they say,
“During Bill Moyers’ recent interview with the poet Robert Bly,” A Men’s Concentration “, a young man asked the question, “Where are the original men of power today?” We have written this book to answer this question, which is in the minds of both men and women. ”
Reveal of the male soul – the four archetypes of mature masculinity
“The four great forms of mature male energies we have identified are the king, the warrior, the magician and the lover,” says Moore and Gillette. “Everyone overlaps and, ideally, they are enriching each other. A good king is always a warrior, a magician and a lover. And so does the other three.”
In my book, Long Live Men! Moonshot’s mission to heal men, close the lifetime gap and provide hope to humanity, I work in detail what I have learned from Robert Moore and Doug Gillette. Here is a brief description of the four archetypes:
- King– The energy of a fair and creative order.
- Warrior– The energy of aggressive but non -violent action.
- Magician– The energy of starting and transformation.
- Lover– The energy that connects one to others and the world.
Moore and Gillette believe that the problems we see with men today – violence, reversal, enjoyment – are the result of modern men who do not sufficiently explore or come into contact with the primary, male archetypes living in them. Like the great psychoanalyst Carl Jung, they believe that men and women have both female and male archetype patterns – this is anima (female) and animus (male).
Each of the archetype energy dynamics in the male soul has a three -part structure. Think of a triangle. At the top of the triangle is the archetype in its fullness. At the bottom of the triangle there are twin dysfunctional folds, whether they have too many (+) or very little (-) of quality.
THE King In its fullness at the top is strong and cultivation.
At the bottom, the dysfunctional
Tyrant (+) and Weak (-)
THE Warrior In its fullness it is dynamic and peaceful. Dysfunctional pairs are the
Sadist (+) and the Masochist (-).
THE Magician In its fullness it begins and transforms. His dysfunctional pairs are the
Remote handling (+) and the Denying the “innocent” (-).
THE Lover In its fullness it connects and protects. The dysfunctional lover is the
Addicted lover (+) or An unable lover (-).
I believe that we all recognize many of the dysfunctional aspects in men, including male leaders.
Treatment of father’s injury
In order to move from a world where we have men who express their mature and healthy king, warrior, magician and lovers, we must heal our father’s wounds and experience healthy transit ceremonies. In my book, 12 rules for good men, I have a chapter entitled, Heal your father injury and become the father you had to be.
I work with many men whose father was injured with their success in love and marriage, limited the success of their career and kept them from being the man they want the most. I have also developed an on-line lesson for treatment: “Healing the wound of the family’s father.”
Do you suffer from family father injury? According to Roland Warren, former head of national paternity initiative,
“Children have a hole in their souls in the form of their dad. And if a father is reluctant or unable to fill this hole, he can leave a wound that is not easily cured.”
For millions of men and women, the father injured our health and prosperity, but we do not know that it exists.
Here The quiz dealing with the father I use in my counseling practice to help people appreciate if they may have been influenced by a father’s absence. Check each statement that applies to you.
- My father died when I was still a child ().
- My parents divorced or separated when I was young ().
- My father was of course present, but emotionally remote ().
- Growing up, my father worked hard and didn’t have enough time to be with me ().
- My father was very critical of me ().
- I never felt I could thank my father ().
- My father rarely said, “I love you, I’m proud of you, I believe in you” ().
- One or both of my parents had mental health problems ().
- One or both of my parents had drinking or drug problems ().
- I searched my father-girlfriends to help compensate for my father’s absence ().
- During adolescence I was often angry and sometimes I got into races ().
- During adolescence I was willing to fall in love or had early sexual experiences ().
- Having a best friend was extremely important to me ().
- I felt lonely and depressed by growing up, even though I covered it well ().
- As an adult I had difficulty finding and maintaining a healthy relationship ().
- I have been married and divorced at least once ().
- I have difficulty in a relationship ().
- Sometimes I choose partners who are not good for me in the long run ().
- “Looking for love in all the wrong places” may have been written for me ().
- With my own children, I’m worried about being a good parent ().
- I have promised to be a different kind of father than my father was for me ().
- I was very successful at work but less than successful in my love ().
- With my husband or partner I often feel like a critical parent or a demanding child ().
- I haven’t done so much money I deserve or be as successful as I want ().
Even those with healthy, involved fathers will control some of these statements. However, if you check out six or more, you may suffer from the effects of a father’s absence. The more elements you have checked, the deeper the wound is.
Experience healthy transit ceremonies
Bill Kauth is the co -founder of the work of mankind. It offers one of the most powerful rituals of the crossing programs I’ve ever experienced. I first met Bill Kauth in 1980 at a conference that had emerged from the consciousness of the female movement. Immediately I felt that I found a kinship. We were both impressed with the positive energy of women who came together to escape the old restrictions that society had put on them. I felt good to support women, but we also recognized that men had to find their own support and escape their own limitations.
I still remember my own introduction to the new weekend Warrior (now called humanity project New Martial Training Adventure). It was in 1991, twelve years after the start of my men’s team. Funny we felt like “an old married couple”. We knew each other well, we felt safe and comfortable, enjoyed ourselves very much, but the hearing of the same stories were a little bored. We decided to watch the new Warrior Weekend. Although it is impossible to describe all kinds of ritual start because real value is in experience, here are some of the things I learned:
- Being with other men in this well -made weekend experience was a transformative. I felt a series of emotions: anxiety, confusion, joy, joy and true brotherly love. By the end, I felt more of myself, deeper connected to others, and with tools I could use to be more successful in life.
- I broke “Mr. Nice Guy” image to share many injuries and anger. I found that my anger did not destroy people. In fact, it was appreciated and there was a group of supportive men to help me guide my anger and that taught me ways to express it that would help, rather than harm, myself and others.
- Most of my life I felt like the lonely Ranger counting things on my own, doing what had to be done by myself, solving my own problems. I thought he was stoic, independent and self -contained was what it meant to be human. During the weekend, I learned to be a member of a team, to work together to support the common goals, and found that success was sweeter and more constant when achieved together.
Being a member of a group of men who have met for forty -six years was a great gift I suggest to all men. In my book, 12 rules for good men, I talked about the long history of the men’s groups.
“Looking back to our legacy as men in our lives as hunters in the last two million years, one of the things that stand out for me is that men have spent a lot of time in small groups with other men.”
I was completed,
“The bottom line – in a group of men fighting loneliness and keeps you alive and well.”
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