Don’t pay for an intimate meeting without reading it first
Laws regarding sex workers vary between jurisdictions. The laws of many jurisdictions in the United States do not allow sex work. It is your responsibility to verify such matters and to know and follow your local laws.
There are many situations in which hiring a sex worker, such as an escort or a dominant, is the most responsible decision you can make. If you want casual, no-strings-attached sex, and have the wallet for it, an escort is an easier and more honest answer to your desires than scrolling through Tinder for singles who might be looking for a romantic relationship. If you have a particular conflict, like a foot fetish, that you want to explore and you’re not in a relationship with someone who shares your sides, hiring a pro-domme is a simple option that will give you exactly what you need. Unfortunately, our gender-negative government says otherwise. While sex work occurs in every state, escorting or prostitution is only legal in parts of Nevada. Dominatrixes and strippers have more protection. however, with the recent passage of FOSTA-SESTAevery sex worker is at risk.
To quickly recap, FOSTA-SESTA is legislation masquerading as anti-sex trafficking legislation, but in reality, they are vague bills that further endanger sex workers. FOSTA-SESTA holds websites responsible for all user content posted and has led to many websites used by sex workers to advertise as well as exchange safe customer lists being shut down.
The legislation will not stop sex work, it will just make it more dangerous for sex workers. With the hard legal truth out of the way and the knowledge that sex work still happens, for the sake of your needs and the sake of sex workers, let’s look at the basics of how to deal with them. Read on to find out everything you need to know from contact details to condoms to consent, payment and a reminder to always brush your teeth.
How do I contact a sex worker?
Since the passage of FOSTA-SESTA, some of the most commonly used sites, such as Backpage, along with sex workers’ personal sites, have been shut down. However, it is not hopeless. Alana, an escort based in New York, suggests Cupid. “It’s in almost every city and has the highest caliber girls because you have to pay to use it as a provider. At Eros everyone’s contact information is on their profile, so it’s easy to get in touch and see their price,” says Alana. Other options include; Slixa and Escort ads.
Once you find an escort that fits your needs, be sure to read their profile, social media accounts, and personal websites. Most sex workers have contact forms on their website to make it easy for you to get in touch. Alana explains that most girls prefer online contact over the phone, as scammers can use a phone call as an excuse to call them and try to get away with it for free.
So follow the instructions on the person’s website and use the contact form as instructed. “When guys email me right off the bat and introduce themselves, they always get there. Add a two-sentence introduction about yourself, what you do, where you’re from, and how you heard about me. Definitely give a compliment,” says Alana.
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A common complaint from sex workers is that men will contact them asking questions to which the answers are already clearly stated on their website. “One of my number one pet peeves when dealing with new, potential clients is asking me questions that I’ve already given,” he says. Goddess Aviva, a leading company based in New York. Read their prices, services offered, decide and detail what you want and whether you prefer an on-call or off-call. “We try to make it as easy as possible for people,” says Aviva.
What about the screening process?
All sex workers have a screening process and yes, you should follow it respectfully. If you have hired escorts in the past, you will be asked to provide references from recent providers you have seen so the person knows you are safe, reliable and trustworthy. In addition, or if you are unable to provide references, you may be asked to provide a copy of your ID and work email. This is normal, so don’t worry about it.
“Don’t bother with the projection. we have to do it for our safety. It is not negotiable. Some guys really dig their heels in for privacy and this and that, and it’s like, it’s all based on mutual trust. You must trust that I am not going to violate your privacy in order to proceed with anything. It’s the most important part of booking,” says Alana.
If this is your first time booking a session, it may indeed be more difficult for you. “I think for starters, if you’ve never seen a girl before, you should definitely ask her if she’s open to seeing first-timers. A lot of girls aren’t, so it’s important to untangle it. Then, if you are, what are your screening requirements?” Alana says. Listen and respect the review process.
What is the chat like during a session?
Book a session with someone to make a fantasy come true. Don’t ruin it by asking annoying or personal questions. Be a gentleman, talk, but understand that the person you’re with needs to keep their true identity low, not just to keep the fantasy alive, but for their own protection.
“Don’t ask about someone’s family, their social life, their real name, where they live. This information is not necessary, and there is a reason why sex workers keep information like this private. Having this information will not be added to the session. In fact, asking questions like that will probably make the sex worker uncomfortable and cut the session short,” says Aviva. Enjoy yourself, have fun and chat, but stay professional and don’t push boundaries.
How do I navigate consent?
Ideally, before a session, you will have discussed what you want. Once all parties agree to it, stick to it. “Personally, the way I handle it is a lot of discussion before a session is even booked,” says Aviva.
Since she works in the BDSM realm, some clients want to explore their limits and boundaries, so she uses safe words. If you are in a session with an escort and not a dominant, also stick to what was pre-arranged and discussed. For example, suppose you are going to wear a condom. Don’t pressure the escort not to use one when you’re together, doing so is an extreme violation of boundaries and yes, it makes you an abusive person.
What about condoms?
Let’s talk a little more about condoms. If you’re in a session with a pro-domme, depending on what you want, there probably won’t be bodily fluids or penetration involved, but if there is, wait for the barrier to be applied. When it comes to chaperones, the use of condoms is standard.
“Most girls are very adamant about it, I am. I bring mine to the session, sometimes the kids bring theirs if they have specific brands they like to use. There are girls in the industry who will do nudes. It’s kind of like a dirty secret, I guess,” says Alana. “You can look at Aros and filter it based on ‘pornstar experience,’ which is like coded language for nudity,” he adds.
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If that’s what you want, expect to exchange health records. Many sex workers take PrEP, or a drug that reduces the risk of contracting HIV. However, don’t let any of this information make you think for a minute that you don’t need to worry about your sexual health. Those offering PRE or porn star experience charge much more.
“I don’t want to shame people for it because it makes people illegal,” Alana explains. “I know girls who do, and it’s usually because you can make a lot of money. But it sure scares me. I’m a reproductive health freak.” So, unless specifically and consensually agreed upon beforehand, wear a condom and don’t.
What about payment?
With the legality of sex work, payment can be complicated. Educate yourself on the correct language to use. All payments are “donations”, not payment for sex. And after FOSTA-SESTA, many providers (companions) have closed their PayPal.
A provider’s rates per service, whether per hour, for travel, for an overnight stay, etc., will be listed on their website. As part of the screening process, there is often a non-negotiable or refundable deposit, which is usually done online. “Follow their protocol and send the deposit as they ask you to send the deposit,” says Aviva.
Bring cash to the session and never talk about money in person, because that’s how the cops arrest the sex workers (and possibly you). “Don’t even discuss it. Just make it clear that you understand your donation. We don’t like to talk about it because it can get into difficult territory. Bring cash in an unsealed envelope and leave it somewhere visible in the room. If he comes to your house, leave it on the coffee table where he can see it or on the bathroom sink,” says Alana.
What else should I know?
Always remember that you are hiring a professional, so treat them like one. This includes remaining respectful during the session, as well as how to act if you want to see them again.
“You have to remember that you are communicating with a professional. You must follow the same protocol as you would any other professional. You don’t text your doctor at 2 in the morning and say, ‘Are you available?'” says Aviva. So don’t do it to a sex worker. Follow the communication protocol for the first session and any thereafter.
And one last thing: “Make sure you have good hygiene. It’s possible to be naked and intimate with someone,’ says Aviva. “Make sure you don’t smell bad. Clean your ass crack. Make sure your tongue is brushed. Use mouthwash. It’s just the respectful thing to do.”
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