Being an adult respondent
“My daughter is 9 almost 10. She has questions about her body. How can I talk to my child about puberty?”*
The short answer: It’s great that your child came to you with their questions! It’s great that you WANT to talk to your child about puberty! This means you are already a ‘Requestable Adult’.
Options Director of Education Kristen Gilbert describes being an in-demand adult as: “Someone who welcomes questions, even when they’re difficult, and engages thoughtfully and kindly. Their child knows it’s okay to ask questions and that the adult is a trusted source of information.”
At Sex Sense we get many such questions from parents/guardians/aunts/uncles/grandparents/trusted adults. They’re looking for age-based, science-based information for young people and good advice on how to talk to kids about puberty.
Whether you’re helping to raise a preschooler or teenager, a non-binary child, or a son or daughter and have some tough questions about their body or emotions or gender or sexual orientation, check out the resources below and hesitate to Contact us. (You can also ask me questions about STDs, abortion, contraception, pleasure, clinical, sexual difficulties… well, you get the picture! Everything under the sexual health sun).
Gone are the days when we had ‘The Talk’. It cannot be a one-time download of events for a child! We now know that the conversation must be ongoing and that the channels of communication remain wide open.
Young people also need access to reliable resources that they can dig up and process on their own. And adults need resources, too, to help them think about how best to talk to the children in their lives and what information to provide. Here’s a sample of what we can share.
Resources on how to talk to your child about puberty
First of all, for any parent or guardian, we would recommend the book Talk about sex today: What kids need to know and what adults can teach them with Saleema noon and Meg Hickling, 2 local BC Sexual Health stars! The book covers the ‘need to know’ from preschoolers to teenagers and can be found at your local library or bookstore.
Here are some additional great online resources:
Like many of us, you may feel like you can’t answer questions for yourself because your gender growing up was a little incomplete. If you think you, you, could benefit from understanding more of the science and culture around periods in order to answer your child’s questions and you enjoy listening to podcasts, here’s an incredible:
Welcome to your Period from the Vagina Museum podcast (Episode 1 from 2022)- yes. (There is a Vagina Museum and yes, there is a Vagina Museum podcast! It’s one of our favorites – more on that in another blog post! Avoid!). This episode takes period positivity to a whole other level and we’re here for it! The special guest and expert is none other than Tara Costello, its author Red Moon Gang, a book we will be recommending in a moment!
Here are some great websites for teens/”twins” and their parents that may also be helpful:
Resources for your child about puberty
Now, for 9 year olds or anyone from 8 to 12, we recommend the following books (We’ll do our best to cover other age groups in future posts):
Red Moon Gang: An Inclusive Guide to Periods by Tara Costello. “Succinct, accessible and unashamedly period talk.”
Sex is a funny word by Corey Silverberg. “A children’s comic that includes children and families of all makeup, orientation and gender identity, Sex Is a Funny Word is an essential resource on body, gender and sexuality for 8- to 10-year-olds, as well as parents and their caregivers.”
Corey Silverberg’s book You know, sex (for age 10+)”You know, sex is the first fully modern sex-ed book for every body, covering not only the big three of adolescence – hormones, reproduction and growth – but also power, pleasure and how to be a decent human.”
Celebrate your body (and its changes too!) The ultimate teenage book for girls by Sonya Renee Taylor. “Adolescence comes with many changes. Celebrate Your Body (And It’s Changes, Too!) will help girls understand (and love) their bodies now and as they continue to grow.”
You-ology: A period guide for every body by Melisa Holmes, Trish Hutchison and Kathryn Lowe. “What if learning about body modification wasn’t secret or shameful? And what if it could even be inclusive, fun, and, well, kind of adorable? A new kind of teenage guide, You-ology embraces an inclusive approach that normalizes puberty for all children.”
The Every Body Book: The LGBTQ+ Inclusive Guide for Kids and Sex, Fender, Bodies and Families by Rachel E. Simon. “This vibrant and beautifully illustrated book teaches children sex, gender and relationship education in a way that is inclusive of all sexual orientations and gender identities.”
The library and the school
Gosh, there are so many great books we would recommend. This is just an option!
We suggest you check out the teenage section of your local library. Just keep in mind that some older books may use old or non-included language. No ONE book is going to be the perfect resource for your family, but you can always discuss these “not perfect” aspects of sex books through the lens of your family’s beliefs and priorities.
We also recommend that parents contact their children’s school about their sex education plan for the year. Sex education is a compulsory curriculum in BC schools, but the quality and consistency can vary greatly between regions and schools.
It may be helpful to check that inclusive sex is happening where your kids go. That way, you know you’re not the only Wanted Adult talking to your child about puberty!
Schools may have their own teachers deliver the curriculum or may choose to bring in an expert such as those from the Options for Sexual Education Program (either in person or virtually) and/or organize an Askable Adult workshop. Visit our website to learn more:
And of course, any would-be Askable Adult can Contact us directly to learn more!
*please note: all questions we have received have been modified to maintain the confidentiality of our customers.
Sex Sense is a free, pro-choice, sex-positive and confidential service. Our team of registered nurses, counselors and sex educators offers information and resources about sex, sexuality and sexual health. You can find our opening hours and contact details at www.sexsense.org.
