Gender stereotypes are just ideas. as long as they exist, we can challenge them and in time have the power to get rid of them altogether.
There are things we can do to avoid accepting some of the unhelpful and harmful ideas about masculinity in the manosphere:
1. Challenge your own ideas
Ideas about masculinity are completely unique to you. What you see as important and aspirational, someone else may not. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be strong or brave or successful – but recognizing that those aren’t the only options can be empowering and liberating.
Being a man also means being human. So it would be useful to think about what it means to be a good person rather than a man. Although our gender identity is an important part of who we are, we are also more than our gender. We have friends, family, passions and interests, all of which will influence who we are and who we want to be.
So don’t feel limited to masculine features – You can choose any features, not just those stereotypically associated with your gender. Be proud of who you are – a unique person – without trying to conform to a narrow stereotype.
2. Analyze what you see online
Not everything you see online is true. If you come across content that makes you question something, it can help to talk to someone you know about what you’ve seen.
If blaming or belittling other people makes you feel better or less bad about yourself, it can be tempting to get carried away with the idea. Try to figure out if you like the idea because of how it makes you feel or if you think it’s true.
3. Curate social media
Although social media often shows you things you haven’t asked to see, you are in control of the content you consume. If you see a post or a TikTok that is misogynistic, you can report it or say you don’t care about that content so that the algorithm no longer shows you that content.
Follow people and accounts that make you feel good about who you are and unfollow accounts where you find yourself comparing them to yourself. Instead, look for positive role models who may not fit stereotypical masculinity.
4. Be an active spectator
Being an active bystander is about responding to harmful behavior – it can be applied online and offline, and it doesn’t mean you have to confront the person directly if you’re not comfortable with it.
For example, if you see someone promoting abusive or misogynistic content online, you could:
- Report them anonymously through the platform (social media platforms all have a report feature)
- Downvote a comment or indicate rejection
- Show support to the person or people who were abused
Being an active spectator is not always possible
If you have to walk away, prioritize your own mental health and then don’t feel like you have to get involved. You can always choose not to be an active viewer.
5. Do things offline
If you spend a lot of time online, it can affect your opinion and the way you think. For example, you might see a lot of muscular, attractive men on social media, but walking around town you’ll notice that most people don’t look like that.
The internet and social media can be great ways to meet like-minded people, but be aware of the types of circles you may be in online and offline. Think about what their values are and if they are values you share. You could also find community and new friends in clubs and hobbies outside of the online world.
And always take a break from social media if you feel the need!
6. Talk to the people around you
Every time you tell someone to “man up” or laugh at a friend for being emotional, you’re reinforcing the stereotype of masculinity.
On the other hand, every time you open up to friends about how you feel, stand up to someone being bullied, or tell a friend it’s “not cool” when they make inappropriate comments, you’re showing that you shouldn’t be afraid to be yourself. You may find that showing up and accepting yourself as you are helps others do the same.
If you feel pressured to fit into an ideal masculinity that just isn’t possible, chances are your friends do too. Talking about how you deal with these pressures and how you can support each other can be very helpful in knowing that you are not alone in feeling this way.
