Sex doesn’t stop at 50 (or 60 or 80). But the recognition that the elderly are sexual beings often happens.
A survey of US adults aged 57 to 85 years found that the majority of older adults were involved in intimate relationships and considered sexuality to be an important part of life. While the study revealed that sexual activity declines with age, it also showed that a large number of people are having vaginal and oral sex, as well as masturbating, into their 60s, 70s and 80s.
Thus, older people are still sexually active, even when dealing with other health problems or sexual difficulties that may come with age. One thing that gets in the way is the lack of a sexual partner. But for people with partners, when age does affect sexual inactivity, it’s more often because of a physical problem or health concern—whether one’s own or the partner’s—than a lack of interest.
New challenges with aging bodies
As people age, so does the body. Understanding the changes your body is going through can help you have a healthy sex life as you get older. Keep in mind that everyone’s body is different and may age differently, but there are certain experiences that are common as we age:
People with penises
Tricky people
- Less estrogen can lead to vaginal dryness, which can make intercourse uncomfortable or painful.
- He may be less easily aroused and may be less sensitive to touch and caress, which can lead to a decreased interest in sex.
But even though the effects of aging on the body can make things more difficult, seniors can enjoy enjoyable and fulfilling sex lives. Here are some things to consider:
- Communicate: This is good advice at any age, of course, but good communication with your partner is important as you get older. Our needs and wants can change over the course of our lives. Your partner can meet your needs unless you share them. Be clear! Let your partner know what feels good (and what doesn’t).
- Explore the outer path: Sex isn’t just about penetration, and limiting your thinking to that can limit your pleasure. Explore intimate touch, manual stimulation, mutual masturbation or erotic massage—intimate ways to connect and experience sexual pleasure without having to maintain an erection.
- Don’t forget the lube: Vaginal dryness is common after menopause. A good lube is essential to make penetrative sex easier and more enjoyable. A water-based lubricant is a better choice for sex toys and essential if you use condoms (as oil-based lubricants can break down the latex and make latex condoms less effective).
- Try new positions: Maybe your knees or back are not what they used to be and some sexual positions are no longer comfortable. A wedged pillow (or even a regular bed pillow) can elevate the hips and put less pressure on the lower back and enable deeper penetration. Standing seats can also be a more comfortable option.
- Try some new sex toys: Again, this is good advice for any age, but sex toys can greatly enhance sex as we get older. If you’re not sure where to start, you can read some reviews from sex and aging advocate Joan Pricewhere it highlights features that matter to seniors (like an ergonomic design that’s more comfortable for people with arthritis, for example, or easy-to-see controls). While you can choose to shop online privately, Price makes the case for visiting a local store benefit from staff expertise and see demonstrations. Her article for Senior Planet also shares some stories from older adults about finding the right toy.
Talk to your healthcare provider
Sometimes the kind of sexual difficulties we experience as we age, such as erectile dysfunction, can be a sign of an underlying medical condition. This is just one of many reasons to talk to your healthcare provider about any sexual difficulties you may be having—they may be a sign of an overlooked medical problem.
Treating medical problems you know you have can also be a problem—many medications that treat chronic conditions can have an impact on sexual function. For example, some medicines to treat high blood pressure or depression can reduce your libido (desire for sex). Tell your provider about any sexual difficulties so they can determine if medication may play a role and you can seek solutions.
Don’t be afraid to talk to your provider about your sex life! Unfortunately, many providers do not bring up the issue with their elderly patients. Sometimes it’s because they don’t believe their patient is still sexually active. They may also lack training in how to have these conversations and may even be embarrassed to talk about it. However, there is nothing to be ashamed of. And if your provider won’t and can’t help — find a new provider!
Although there are many ways to experience sexual pleasure, as discussed above, you may feel like exploring treatment options for sexual problems.
Protect your sexual health
Of course, anyone who is sexually active can get a sexually transmitted infection (STI) — that doesn’t change with age. STDs are more common among younger people, adults over 50 are still at risk. For example, about 1 in 6 HIV diagnoses in 2018 were in people aged 50 and over.
You can reduce your risk of HIV and other STIs by:
