The holiday season is supposed to be a time of joy and fellowship, but when you’re grieving, celebrations and gatherings with loved ones can feel overwhelming. Holiday sadness often feels like carrying a weight that doesn’t belong. Whether your loss is recent or happened years ago, holidays have a way of reopening old wounds and stirring up painful feelings.
There’s no grief timeline or playbook for navigating loss, so if dealing with holiday grief is something you struggle with, know that you’re not alone. You can find comfort through practical mental health strategies and resources designed to help you navigate the season. Acknowledging what you are experiencing and giving yourself the tools to grieve is a powerful form of healing.
Because holidays can intensify grief
For some, the holidays intensify the feelings associated with loss. Revisiting memories and traditions brings your loved one’s absence into focus. Even just walking into a decorated room or listening to a song that brings back memories can create a stark contrast between the holiday cheer you’re in. supposed to also feel the inner pain you are trying to manage.
You may feel pressure from family, friends, and even social media to be more committed and happier. Expectations to be happy and embrace the season can leave you feeling misunderstood and isolated from loved ones. Traditions that once felt comforting may now be a painful reminder that someone is missing. It’s easy to feel frustrated or resentful and wonder how the world got on without you. If grief and the holidays feel too complicated to get through on your own, there are steps you can take and tools you can use to get through the season.
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Navigating the emotions you may be experiencing
The first and most important thing to remember is that it’s okay to feel like your loved one isn’t there. It’s also important to understand that there is no “right” way to feel. Emotions come and go and you may feel sadness one moment and guilt the next. Every feeling you have is valid.
Sadness and longing
It’s normal to miss your loved one during the holidays. It is a natural part of the grieving process. You may relive memories from the past, yearn for one more conversation, or feel a general sense of emptiness. The emotional pain can be extreme and the holidays can intensify any feelings of longing and homesickness.
Guilt or conflict
Guilt is part of grief. You may struggle with questions like, It’s okay to celebrate this year? OR How can I feel joy when I’m still grieving??
Keep in mind that guilt doesn’t always come from the holiday itself. It may come from knowing that you are not as festive as others want you to be. It’s normal to wonder if enjoying life again means forgetting your loved one, but the sadness and happiness of the holidays box coexist. You can hold joy and sadness at the same time.
Anger or irritability
Anger can come up in a number of ways during your grieving process. You may become angry at the loss or angry at people who just don’t seem to understand your experience. Or, you may find yourself overwhelmed by the long list of demands that come with the holiday season. It’s not unusual to get upset when people tell you to cheer up or focus on the good.
Numbness or disconnection
Feeling numb, disconnected, or in control is a common response to grief and disruption. Don’t beat yourself up if you want to skip the season entirely. Tell yourself it’s okay to avoid some gatherings or take time for yourself. You don’t have to deal with people who mean well but may not understand what you’re going through.
That said, even if isolation feels comforting right now, be sure to find gentle ways to reconnect with friends and family when you’re ready. Taking a step back is a form of self-protection, but complete withdrawal is not going to help you recover from your grief in the long run.
How to Cope with Holiday Grief
Dealing with holiday sadness can seem impossible, but with the right tools and coping skills, each year will get a little easier.
Give yourself permission to feel
One of the best things you can do is give yourself permission to fully experience whatever feelings arise. You may laugh, cry or feel a mix of emotions – it’s all part of the healing process. Try not to get caught up in the idea that you have to be happy just because it’s a holiday. Be honest when asked how you are doing. If you’re having a rough day, admit it.
“Holidays are a difficult time to navigate for those who are grieving. There are many conflicting emotions around the time. On the one hand, enjoying the moment and happiness is expected and desired. On the other hand, grieving that something or someone is missing covers up some of those positive feelings/moments by creating sadness and possibly no guilt. Holidays While Grieving Allow all emotions to be present and know that it’s okay to feel them all.”
– Talkspace Therapist, Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC
Set boundaries
During the busy holiday season, setting family boundaries is a critical form of self-care. If you are tired or need a break, say no. If small, intimate ways of celebrating are more comfortable, be confident in your decision not to overcommit. Healthy boundaries with loved ones protect against additional stress. They give you the time and space you need to focus on healing without feeling pressured to live up to other people’s expectations.
Prioritizing your mental and physical health
Self-care is essential when dealing with holiday grief. Get plenty of rest, focus on a balanced diet, and add gentle movement, such as walking, stretching or yoga, to your daily routine.
Mindfulness techniques like meditation and journaling can help you process your emotions in healthy ways. Even small acts—like writing down how you feel or practicing deep breathing—can reduce stress and make grief feel more manageable.
Create new deliveries
While some traditions can be comforting, they can also make you relive painful memories. Starting a new tradition can help you heal and honor your grief. Try lighting a candle in your loved one’s memory, cooking their favorite meal, or making a donation in their name.
“Part of learning to move through the stages of grief, especially during the holidays or painful dates, is thinking of ways to honor the people who have passed on. This could be creating new traditions or rituals for oneself or with others. these traditions/rituals’.
– Talkspace Therapist, Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC
Lean on your support system
Research shows that social support is vital to maintaining emotional well-being during the grieving process. Even when it’s hard to reach out, now is the time to lean on friends and family. The people who know you best can provide meaningful companionship—whether that means listening to you or simply sitting together in silence. Remember that you are not alone, despite how you may feel.
Talking to a therapist
Holiday grief can be one of the most painful things you will experience in life. Don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support and explore the benefits of grief counseling. Working with a therapist is a sign of your strength and willingness to heal. With guidance and support, you box begin to proceed in a new way.
Signs that it may be time to seek professional mental health support include:
- Worsening of depression
- You feel like you can’t function
- Persistent feelings of hopelessness
- Feeling empty and alone all the time
- Intense or uncontrollable anger that affects your relationships
- Difficulty sleeping
- Extreme fatigue
- Anxiety or panic attacks
- To isolate yourself
- Having thoughts of self-harm
Heading into the holidays with self-compassion
One of the hardest parts about grief is that it’s not linear. The intensity of what you feel can subside – sometimes even years after a loved one dies. Some holidays can feel harder than others, and sadness can come unexpectedly. Be patient with yourself and remember that everything you feel is valid. Take a break when you need it and ask for help when you’re at your lowest.
If your holiday sadness is too heavy this season, remember you’re not alone. Online therapy during the holiday season can be incredibly beneficial. Wondering how to find a grief counselor to work with? Platforms like Talkspace offer safe, affordable therapy from licensed professionals who understand the complexities of grief and the holidays. You’ll learn coping skills and get the emotional validation you need to survive the season. Learn more about how online therapy from Talkspace can help you understand and overcome your grief, during the holiday season and every day going forward.
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