I have searched for mature masculinity since I was five years old when my father overdosed on sleeping pills in mid-life. He had become increasingly depressed because he felt he could not support his family doing the work he loved. We live in a time when males feel increasingly disconnected from themselves, their families and the community of life on planet Earth. Fortunately, my father survived, but our lives were never the same. I grew up wondering what happened to my father, when it would happen to me, and how I could help other families avoid the pain we suffered. I wrote about his healing journey and mine in my book, My Distant Dad: Healing the Wound of the Father of the Family.
I just finished reading a timely and important book, Guys a rescue plan, with New York Times Bestselling author Michael Gurian and Sean Kullman, president of the Global Initiative for Boys and Men. I recently did an interview with Gurian and Kullman where we explored the ways we can move beyond the politics of masculinity and how we can save our boys and heal our men.
You can watch the full interview and timely discussion here.
The book has received praise from leading experts, including Daniel Amen, MD, Christine Hoff Sommers, PhD, and Dr. Warren Farrell, who wrote the book’s foreword. After reading the book, I said, in part,
“Believe Guys, a rescue plan it is the Make a reservation for our season. The research is clear – males suffer death by despair at higher rates than females. This is not only a tragedy for boys and men, but also for girls and women. Gurian and Kullman bring good science and practical data to help improve everyone’s lives. “
The book not only tackles some of the most difficult and controversial topics surrounding the boys’ crisis, but offers a concrete plan to help boys and men, girls and women. The book is divided into 24 useful, easy-to-use chapters under the following four parts:
Part 1: The male mental health crisis
Part 2: boys, sexual dimorphism and the culture of exclusion
Part 3: Big Three Policies That Stop Us From Helping Boys
Part 4: The Seven Point Plan to Save Our Boys
My colleague, Warren Farrell, is one of the world’s leading experts on boys and men. It has been selected by Economic times of London as one of the world’s top 100 leaders. His books are published in 19 languages. He is the author of numerous best-selling books The boys crisis Co-authored by Dr. John Gray.
In the preface Boys, rescue plan, Dr. Farrell shares his perspective on the value you will receive from reading the book:
“Scientists rarely advocate and advocates are rarely scientists and those who raise children and grandchildren, even when they have a long and deeply loving marriage, rarely have the time to have an international impact and create an infrastructure that will outlast them. their accomplishments are rarely infused with the poise and wisdom that comes from raising children and the love of a mother.In the thirty-five years I’ve known Michael Gurian, I’ve seen him be all of these his books, speaking, workshops and the Gurian Institute.
Dr. Farrell goes on to say,
“Fortunately, at Boys, rescue plan, We are also blessed with Sean Kullman. Sean is a younger generation version of Michael Gurian (minus the grandkids!) Sean is also a data-driven advocate who I worked with for over a decade on the Coalition for a White House Council on Boys and Men ».
Although the book is filled with valuable tools to help us heal ourselves and our families and to help us understand issues that often confuse and divide people, the authors’ care, compassion, and humanity shine through in every page.
As a man, husband, father, grandfather and great-grandfather, I was moved to tears as Michael shares his personal life of love and loss, birth and death:
“Holding your own child in your arms is a miracle. Holding your grandchild is also, as I have recently learned. In June 2014 I arrived in Seattle, where my daughter, Gabrielle, was born to Lev Micah Quen-Murray. The hospital , the C-section, the smells and sounds, the anticipation and nervousness, the longing for protection and support, the deep calling from the soul to be part of the miracle of birth ran through me, as they all had back when Gabrielle, my first child, was born 34 years ago and then Davita three years later—another C-section, another birth, another miracle, and then again in August 2024 , when Davita gave birth to her daughter, Effy Gail Herrington.
“The miracles of the births of my grandchildren were enhanced, I think, because shortly before my daughters became parents and I became a grandfather a deep loss connected with our family. My children and I lost my wife, their mother, Gail, the summer of 2023. Gail and I were together for 39 years and I was married for 37. Pancreatic cancer took over quickly and painfully.Just a few weeks later she died Gail, Gabrielle became pregnant and then, two months later, Davita followed.Our family believes (without scientific proof, but with spiritual happiness) that Gail watched over our daughters and their husbands from her mysterious perch: the she gave the life she was ready to retire from her consulting practice to care for the grandchildren, she wanted more in Her Older Years: The Miracle of Grandchildren.”
Even writing this now, I do so with tears of sadness and tears of joy for a man who has given so much of his life to help boys and men, girls and women. I honor his gifts and blessings and his courage as a healer and writer to share his most private thoughts and feelings with the world. Michael opens his heart and soul because he knows that true love and wisdom only comes with deep sorrow and grief.
We all have to die some time and we all hope to pass on some experience and wisdom with our time on earth. I know Michael and Sean will resonate with these words from one of my mentors, the philosopher, Paul Tillich who said,
“Every serious thinker must ask and answer three fundamental questions:
- What’s wrong with us? With men? Women? Society; What is the nature of our alienation? Our disease?
- What would we be like if we were whole? Was he cured? Did it happen? If our potential was met?
- How do we move from our state of brokenness to wholeness? What are the means of treatment? “
I had met the eminent philosopher Paul Tillich towards the end of his life when he was a visiting lecturer at UC Santa Barbara where I went to college. I was nineteen years old at the time and felt his wisdom was a beacon of light that offered me guidance from a wise father figure at a time when I needed it most.
I believe that Michael Gurian and Sean Kullman offer us all the wisdom that can not only help us raise healthy sons into strong caring men, but can help us heal the wounds in our society that produces wounded “boymen” that never they don’t really grow. These types of men are a danger to themselves and others. I will continue to explore these ideas in part two of this series. Stay tuned.
If you would like to get more information about Michael Gurian and his work, you can connect with him here:
If you would like to receive more information about Sean Kullman and his work, you can do so at the Global Initiative for Boys and Men (GIBM) here:
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