Do you ever feel kind of tight and twitchy, like the slightest thing makes you explode (or explode) for no real reason? Or that you overreact to things that shouldn’t be a big deal, and even when you do, you know you’re being dramatic about it?
Why am I even asking?
We’ve all done it before. It might happen again. Rarely, however, do we take a moment to think about what it was that just went down and whether there could have been a better way to handle it. All we can do when we have behaved or reacted in ways that leave us in a state of regret, shame or needing to apologize to everyone around us is to try to do better next time.
Stepping back, pausing, and recognizing that this is difficult, can come with shame and embarrassment, and is also vital to helping us continue to raise our set point to become more compassionate, empathetic , emotionally available and sophisticated people.
We can meditate on our hearts, do yoga under a full moon by the ocean, and drink all the green smoothies in the world, but it’s only when we’re pressed, tightened, and done that we can really check if we’re taking the world’s calming practices.
Our goal should be to make it more like the spring—a limp spring, a loose spring that can move and wiggle and wiggle, adjust and bend as needed. Most of us, however, end up getting even more tired during times of stress. If we don’t find a way to relax, exercise those muscles and use the tools we have, instead we wind up tighter and tighter until we go into reactive mode.
When I see this happen to people (because it’s so much easier to see it in others, right?) all I can think about is how uncomfortable they must be. Popping out like a Jack-In-The-Box never makes anyone feel good.
Learning to have kind and productive responses to stressful situations and stimuli is difficult. A major key to curbing these stress reactions is to regularly find ways to relax. That way, when you start paying attention to the tightness, you can catch it, undo it, and unwind it before you explode in anger or storm.
The best strategies to help you relax
1. Move your body
When the body grooves, the brain moves. Not as in your head, but it can help you break a pattern of stressful reactive thinking and get you into a more helpful state of mind and way of thinking. Get up from your desk, your chair, your bed, wherever you are, turn on your favorite song of the moment and just shred it! Dance, dance, dance for three, four or five minutes. No; Then at least take a walk around the block. Breathe and calm down. You’ll change the blood flow in your body, make your lungs a little stronger, and most importantly, you might be a little silly. Silly goes a long, long way to relax.
2. Breathe
When we sit with our shoulders hunched forward, as most of us do when we work at a computer or drive, we are limited to only being able to take quick, shallow breaths. When we do this, we shift our nervous system into fight-or-flight mode, making us feel more tired, stressed, and ready to fly off the handle. Make sure to stand up often or at least sit up straight and take a deep, deep, deep breath filling your chest and belly. As you exhale, drop those shoulders down and back, keeping your chest open. This will feel so good that you might just want to do it again and again and again.
A slumped stance it drains our energy and has been associated with heightened feelings about depression and anxiety. Remember – stand up, and sit up tall and breathe deeply!
3. Get in tune
What consistency am I talking about? Well, it has to do with your breathing and heart rate. The heart and brain maintain a constant two-way dialogueeach affects the operation of the other. The signals the heart sends to the brain can affect perception, emotional processing, and higher cognitive functions. Heart rate variability is the measure of natural changes in heart rate. When we feel anxious or stressed, this measurement is more unstable and we experience cognitive impairment. When we have a consistent beat-to-beat ratio, as opposed to an irregular heartbeat, it’s called coherence. We are better able to solve problems, feel joy and love, and think clearly and calmly in this state.
We describe positive emotions like love or appreciation as coherent states because they create coherence in the heart rhythm pattern. Negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, or frustration are examples of emotions that lead to incoherent states and reflect inconsistency in the heart’s rhythmic patterns. By taking anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes or more each day to focus on inhaling and exhaling calmly and steadily, you can move into a coherent state. This can have lasting effects throughout the day and positively affect sleep patterns as well.
4. Make an appointment to have the time of your life
Doing the laundry, doing the dishes, commuting to work – these aren’t usually the moments in your life that you’ll look back on fondly one day. But the moments of your life really can happen every day if you decide to. And when we’re having the time of our lives, we’re also allowing ourselves to de-stress and recharge our vitality. Try to make a date every day to do something, read something, watch something, be with someone, hug a tree, jump on your bed, put on some music… Something that invites you to experience micro-moments that make you feel blessed, loved and awesome.
And those dishes and laundry I mentioned (I love doing laundry by the way – underwear pockets are my go-to!), change your mindset from “must”, “must” or “must” to “I get “, “I want” and “I can”. Recognize the blessings in the little things. It rewires your brain over time and that’s one of the smallest and most subtle life-changing things I know.
These intentional moments will relax you while simultaneously fueling you and changing the way your brain is wired.
5. Eat to support emotional well-being
When we’re stressed, we’re more inclined to indulge in astringent foods like salty snacks, alcohol, sugar, and other junk foods that contribute to our bottom line. Try to kick this habit a little and instead choose warming, ground, nutritious foods that are home cooked, slow cooked, made from scratch with lots of nervous system supporting fats that will give you the supplies you need to really make it happen the unfolding.
6. Focus on quality sleep
People of all ages feel irritable and sore when they have not slept or when their sleep is disturbed or spotty. In the short term, sleep deprivation can negatively affect our mood, increase stress and it makes us impatient and quick to anger. In the long term, lack of sleep can affect our immune system and make us prone to chronic inflammation.
Getting a good night’s sleep has long been a struggle for me – and now I have a solid system in place to make sleep easier. You can read more about it here.
7. Spend time in nature
This is one of my best ways to relax. Escaping the city to walk in the woods, swim, or go mushroom hunting instantly relaxes and rejuvenates me (with lots of extra bonus points if there’s sunshine). Nature supports the nervous system and helps reduce stress, lower blood pressure, reduce pain and improve your mood. Even if you can’t escape to the woods, walking outside, going to a city park, looking at flowers and plants, even a house or an indoor garden will help a lot.
8. Turn your bathroom into a DIY spa
If spas and pampering are your cup of tea, try to create that level of peace and tranquility in your own bathroom. Bathing or showering with high-quality bath products and/or essential oils can be a very easy way to relax. It doesn’t have to be fancy or complicated. I show you how to create the ultimate spa at home here.
9. Be kind to someone else
I know it can be hard when you’re done to have the space and bandwidth to help someone else. However, being kind and compassionate to someone else takes you outside of your own needs, wants and problems and can increase your own levels of happiness. These are nine ways you can show care and compassion to others.
Life is undoubtedly stressful. We all feel the changing of the seasons, the quickened pace of busy schedules and new routines. The best thing you can do to manage the Jack-In-The-Box syndrome of liquidation is to catch it before it reaches your breaking point, to pay attention today. Taking these small habits every day will stir your soul and help your happiness blossom.
More resources to help you relax
Free resource library
Enjoy over 40 downloadable guides, recipes and resources.
