If I asked you to define mindfulness, what would you say? If you asked me to define it, I would say: Mindfulness is what happens when you bring your full attention and awareness of your experience in the present moment without judgment.
Unfortunately, most of us are not in the present moment most of the time. We are on autopilot, going through the motions of everything we do, like eating, driving or even talking. Maybe all three at the same time.
If your mind is full, you’re probably not paying attention. Indeed, When the volume in your thinking goes up, your awareness goes down. Have you ever driven home on a very familiar route and realized you didn’t remember most of the trip? Have you ever eaten a meal only to look down at the empty plate or bowl and wonder where the food went because you don’t remember eating it?
Now, there are some advantages to being able to perform familiar and basic activities on autopilot. (Would you like every time you drive a car to feel like the first time?) But it’s a shame to miss out on life and its pleasures—a beautiful landscape, a good conversation with a loved one, or delicious food—as they unfold moment by moment.
Awareness is an important part of practicing mindfulness because you cannot be in the present moment if you are not paying attention and being aware of what you are experiencing.
But as you become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and behaviors—especially behaviors and thought patterns that have turned into full-blown habits and feelings that seem like “too much”—you may not like some of the things I discover. That’s why the “no judgment” part is so crucial.
Facing crisis with kindness
It’s not nice to be judged, whether you or someone else is the judge. It can make you feel ashamed or guilty, and shame and guilt are not effective motivators for positive change. So when you can start to just notice the judgments you have about yourself and not hold onto them, you’re less likely to get in your own way.
So what do you do when you are aware of what you are thinking, feeling or doing and then you judge yourself about those thoughts, feelings, or actions—and maybe you can’t let go of that judgment? You face this crisis with kindness, curiosity and acceptance.
Kindness is an antidote to judgment because it helps you see not only the behavior you may be criticizing, but also what may have led to that behavior.
For example, let’s say you were having the Worst Day Ever and you turned to food to comfort yourself because it seemed like the best or only option at the time and you were so focused on feeling better that you didn’t notice how much you were eating.
Partnering politeness with curiosity allows you to explore what’s underneath the behavior you don’t feel good about with what I call the “Polite ‘Why’?” Instead of asking yourself critically, “Why did I do that?!!!!” You can gently ask yourself, “Why did I do this? What else was going on?’
Wearing your curiosity hat can make it easier to be kind rather than judgmental — to yourself and others — but it’s also important to mindfulness itself.
Curiosity won’t kill the cat — and neither will you
When we practice being in the present moment, we do so to observe and learn about our experience in that moment. When we’re on autopilot—when we’re indifferent—there’s no room for curiosity. Curiosity is the antidote to being on autopilot, as well as boredom. We can be curious about anything if we choose.
I also mentioned acceptance, because the art of being in the present moment is accepting what is happening in that moment, regardless of how we feel about it. “Wait a minute,” you might be thinking, “why would I accept something I don’t like?” This is a good question.
Acceptance is something that many people struggle with, and I think part of the problem is how we often define acceptance.
Acceptance means realizing that a challenging thought, situation, or person really is the way it is right now. It does not mean that we like it, or that we are determined that it will never change. (Also, it doesn’t mean that if you’re in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation and you have a way to get out of it, you won’t.) You can accept something and not like it.
When you can’t accept that something is the way it is right now, you can waste a lot of time and energy trying to force things to be something other than what they are in the moment. This is usually very stressful, often not helpful, and certainly not considerate.
Why? Because when you allow yourself to be stuck by an unhelpful thought Instead of noticing, accepting, and letting the thought pass without judgment, you move away from the present moment.
Freedom of choice
There is no right or wrong way to eat, and no right reason to eat. However, it would be unusual if thoughts and feelings never appeared in response to our food choices and food. Just as with mindfulness, part of mindful eating is noticing your thoughts, feelings, and emotions as they arise, without judgment.
You can note that these thoughts and feelings are there, maybe wonder a little about them, and move on. For example, if you’re eating something and your inner critic is thinking “you shouldn’t be eating that,” you can notice the thought, check in with your body and your senses for how you experience eating the foodand use this present-moment experience, rather than your thoughts and judgments, to guide your decision to continue eating or stop eating.
Becoming more aware of your thoughts, feelings and emotions gives you more choice in the actions you take. This has two important benefits.
First, it allows you to stop living on autopilot so you can start unhooking yourself from habitual, unhelpful patterns. Second, it makes it easier answer order react to:
- Internal stimulisuch as thoughts or feelings (“I messed up today and feel sad”)
- External stimulisuch as people or situations that tend to trigger disturbing thoughts or feelings (“He never really listens to me and makes me so angry.”)
Reacting in such stimuli it can look like destructive thinkingsuch as: “I’m a failure” or “He doesn’t care about me.” It can feel like you’re on autopilot by lashing out, isolating yourself, or trying to calm down in ways that make you feel worse, like eating an entire pint of ice cream, fast.
On the contrary, answering in such stimuli it may look like noticing and naming your feelings and showing yourself compassion for the pain you feel. For example, “It’s not good to be wrong/I feel like I’m not being heard” or “Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.” You might also think about whether there is any meaningful action you need to take, such as having a conversation to calmly express your needs or make amends, and what you need right now to care for your wound in a way that doesn’t cause more pain.
How does this relate to emotional eating?
Often, stress and emotional eating happen automatically. You may feel anxious, overwhelmed, sad, alone, disrespected or afraid. Before you know it, you’re eating, and let’s face it—you’re probably not asking for the broccoli to ease your emotions.
When you’re trying to escape the pain of your anxiety or emotions, and you’re also telling yourself that the food you’re seeking is bad and you’re bad for eating it, that adds insult to injury.
When you mindlessly eat to calm down, using food as a distraction or a way to numb yourself may be part of the package. When you finally realize what you’re doing (or what you’ve done), you may begin to blame and shame yourself.
Even worse, any comfort or respite you may have had while eating is gone, leaving you with a stomach ache (probably) and a vow to never do it again. Except you, if you try to rely on willpower.
One of the benefits of mindfulness is that it can help you grow yourself awareness of physical sensations, such as muscle tension or a fast heartbeat, that tend to accompany anxiety and emotional states. This alone can have an immediate effect on reducing stress and calming emotions, because research shows that simply noticing, recognizing and naming the emotion you’re experiencing can help take away some of its power and help you relieve. In other words, naming the emotion can help tame the emotion.
When you are more aware of emotional states and how they appear in your body, It’s easier to ask yourself this very important question when you catch yourself eating when you’re not hungry: What do I feel, what do I need?
And that, dear reader, is a superpower.
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Carrie Dennett, MPH, RDN, is a registered dietitian nutritionist based in the Pacific Northwest, journalistintuitive nutrition consultant, authorand speaker. Her superpowers include; debunking nutritional myths and empowerment of women feel better about their bodies and make food choices that support pleasure, nutrition and health. This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute personalized nutrition or medical advice.
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