SMSNA receives and publishes “guest editorials” periodically. The current article was submitted by Mia Barnes, freelance writer and researcher specializing in women’s health, wellness and healthy living. She is its Founder and Editor-in-Chief Body+Mind Magazine.
Depression is universal and multifaceted. Although its symptoms are similar across the board, they can also vary from person to person. The way depression manifests itself is unique and personal – just like sex. Depression can affect every aspect of your life, including your sexual function.
Emotion regulation
Sex is a natural mood booster, so it can help with symptoms of depression. Orgasms flood your brain with oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins, and endocannabinoids, which stimulate your nerves, boost your happiness, and improve cognitive function. For some, depression can feel like a safety net because it’s what they know. Darkness can become home after being depressed for so long. Choosing to walk away from it can almost feel like a betrayal.
Depression is a genuine mental illness that often involves feelings of low self-esteem and deep sadness, making emotional regulation difficult. Some people living with depression find themselves quite sad or hopeless as they ruminate on negative thoughts, resulting in reduced motivation to change, which can cause them to avoid sex or anything that promotes happiness. Although they want to be happy, they may find themselves reinforcing negative feelings with external elements such as unpleasant music and movies. Unfortunately, many who live with depression believe they don’t deserve to experience joy, so they maintain their depression—perhaps even subconsciously.
Excitement and excitement
Sex is an intimate and personal physical act that is highly related to one’s emotional state. It can heighten your emotions, which can be overwhelming either positive or negative. Sex triggers hormones that can help you feel liberated and release tension. Or, it can make you feel vulnerable and cause unwanted reactions such as guilt, shame or embarrassment. It can bring up feelings that you may not want to experience.
You may be avoiding sex because you’re not yet ready to deal with these challenging feelings, or you don’t want to deal with them at all. Or, you may experience anhedonia, where you can’t feel interest or pleasure in anything. Experiencing these intense emotions can make you want to escape reality by any means necessary, from abandoning relationships to self-medicating with recreational drugs.
Understanding and Communication
Treating depression can often help with low libido and strengthens the connection between you and a healthier and happier lifestyle. While antidepressants may help some, unfortunately they can also reduce sex drive or affect arousal and orgasm. Your partner may not recognize or understand what is happening, which can negatively affect their self-esteem. They may wonder why you are no longer interested in sex and think they have done something wrong.
Communication is essential to a healthy relationship. Sex therapists can help you understand and process what you’re going through, which can help you be honest with your partner. The sex therapist can also help you and your partner reframe the experience so that you are both able to recognize that your low sex drive is not a reflection on them. A sex therapist can also help you with how to talk to your partner about how you feel.
If medication is helping your depression symptoms but negatively affecting your sex drive, talk to your doctor and your partner. You can find a happy medium. With your partner, you can find ways to please each other and boost those feel-good endorphins together, like redefining intimacy through open and honest communication and exploring to find what works best for you.
Sex and depression
Whatever life with depression is like for you, you deserve to be happy and your partner deserves to understand what you’re going through. There are resources available that can help you maintain your sex drive and live a healthier and happier life.
Resources:
Bamboo Health Cure Blog. 4 signs of depression that may surprise you. Bamboo Health.
Bunch, E. (2020, Dec 9) This is what happens to your brain and body when you orgasm. Well + Good. https://www.wellandgood.com/what-happens-when-you-orgasm/
De Fruyt, J., Sabbe, B., Demyttenaere, K. (2020, December). Anhedonia in Depressive Disorder: A Narrative Review. https://www.karger.com/Article/FullText/508773
Pietrangelo, A. (2019, June 14). How does sex affect your emotions? Healthline.
