What about the third night? Well, for some people that happens on the second night, or even up to the 4th, but it’s a night where you just feel like it’s falling apart. I think it’s important to prepare families for that night so they know to expect it and that things will get better after that!
YES, babies are hard. Very hard. They seem like they’re not, as they’re pretty much a pile of junk — but knowing about baby care, baby sleep and breastfeeding can put you MILES ahead, which is why we’ve included them in our bundled edition of The Online Prenatal Couples Class — if you think you could use a few more baby skills — join me there!
Okay but what about the third night? Like I said, some people find this on the second or 4th — but MOST families say it happens the first night home from a vaginal birth.
What happens on the 3rd night at home?
Well, you’ve gotten into a routine with the professionals around you, and then you go home with high hopes that you’ll do just fine!
And then comes the night. The baby is crying and doesn’t like being in the crib – he seems to like being held, but he’s honestly not too happy there either. You look at each other wondering WHAT THE HELL is going on?
Let’s just say that most people find it a pretty miserable night at home together — and I want to share some of the reasons why (because it helped me when I figured it out):
Everyone poops
The baby has never had to poop before. Honestly, they only have a few jobs in life right now – eat, sleep and poop. And this third one is not so natural. They often have to stress and strain (remember, they’re a bunch of grass, so muscle isn’t really their thing) to pull it off. And when it comes out it’s a thick tarry substance that is UGLY and miserable to clean (and, if you’re like me, you wonder why something that drips so much would be hard to get out).
They may also have some gas in them, which makes them terribly uncomfortable. My poor dears.
Remember, up to this point you have taken care of baby’s every need:
- Oxygen
- Removal of waste products (they go into your bloodstream)
- By feeding them
They literally didn’t have to lift one of their newly created fingers to do anything, and now they’re in the WORLD and they have to #dothings, and it makes them uncomfortable, even pooping.
I think when you realize that it really helps you to be okay when the baby seems uncomfortable or cries a little.
Pro tip: Remember, The baby’s ONLY way of communicating is crying at this point. So if they have ANY problems or needs that need to be met, they cry. It’s not the same thing as the US cry – they are not sad. They just communicate so you can listen and try to help or just say — I know “making cocoa is hard”…. (even though you’d really like to sleep).
And while we’re at it, grab this postpartum checklist so you’re ready, too:
BTW many people try to do it avoid poop during delivery very.
Breastfeeding isn’t always natural
We often act like breastfeeding is like a world where magical fairies help you learn just what to do and everything comes so naturally. In the hospital you often have the extra hands of nurses or lactation consultants to help you when you’re feeding — but when you’re home all that falls away.
And I’m here to testify There are NO magical fairies to help.
You just have to try what you have learned so far and make it work for you in a real environment.
If you’re worried about baby not getting enough — be sure to check out my post on breastfeeding not working for signs!
Just know that it’s going to be hard these first few days – but it is I will to get better I would also recommend making an appointment with a lactation consultant who can give you some advice now that you are home and maybe your milk is coming in.
If you want an online consultant I like it The breastfeeding mom.
BTW, if you’re still pregnant, The Breastfeeding Mama teaches a Breastfeeding class in my prenatal class that I think you’ll love. It is a one-stop delivery (and postpartum) preparation service:
The rubber has hit the road
You have literally spent MONTHS thinking about what it will be like to hold this baby in your arms and give him all the love in your heart.
But now, it’s time to do it—and it can feel like a lot of pressure.
If you have other kids at home, you also have the chaos they bring to the situation (which always made it about 1,000 times worse for me).
You may think you can do it “perfectly” and put too much pressure on yourself, which baby will actually read your stress and make him (kind of) even angrier. This might just go down…
So giving yourself a break and knowing that things will just be this way — and WILL get better, can often help you take that deep breath and move on.
Positive affirmations can also help this a lot (no just for pregnancy/birth):
Here are some other postpartum articles that you may find helpful:
Dang Hormones
At the same time, your hormones are changing like crazy. Sure, they keep you from bleeding to death as your uterus collapses on itself — but they also make your mind go crazy.
One minute you’re crying because the baby is so beautiful, and the next minute your partner is breathing funny and you’re just HAPPY and want to leave.
Okay, maybe it’s not that bad — but I want you to know that if you looked at your hormone charts at this point, it’s EVERYWHERE. And God help us all at this point.
I just wish I knew it would get better, instead of sinking into a pit because of my own desperation at this point – thought This it’s my new life, and I’ve done it to myself! It really will improve.
What can you do about it?
Remember, crying is just communication — no regret. The baby will sometimes be uncomfortable, but you still need to shower and eat. It’s just communication. Make sure needs are met and make sure YOUR needs are met too. Things you should always go through:
- The baby is being fed
- They have burped (not all babies burp so this could be nonsense)
- They have a dirty diaper
- Are they the right temperature (are they cold or hot)
Lay off perfection — I’ve always wanted an idyllic scene where the siblings just love that baby and you’re just a quiet, happy family. It was never that—I wish I hadn’t had that in mind. My kids were excited to be home, I was so tired and they were running around like wild beasts. And that’s okay. I wish I had gotten some noise canceling headphones for that occasion.
The same applies if you have no other children at home. Your home doesn’t have to look pristine, it’s just going to be a little ugly for the next few days… and that’s okay!
Tomorrow will be better — now, it isn’t always true — but you will begin to control things. You can find a way that helps baby poop or feed easier. You’ll start to learn some tricks and hacks that work for you and YOUR baby. It’s really just baby steps and no pun intended there, except that progress is forward (just not as fast as I’d like sometimes).
Get help — do you have a friend or relative who is willing to help you? KEEP THEM BACK and be honest with what you need:
- They can cook you a meal (or bring a meal if you prefer not to have the cooking at your home
- They can hold the baby while you shower
- Can they make you some baby gear?
- Can they call to make an appointment for you and the baby?
- Can they fold some clothes and talk to you to remind you that you are human?
Make sure to tell them what you needand hopefully they’ll rise to the occasion for some of them!
What I’m mainly here to say:
- This is normal — It’s not just you and your situation, it’s happening all over the world with new babies
- It will get better — You can’t imagine it right now, but it will happen. You will get better all from this.
And if someone had told me this before I had my baby, it would have helped me take the stress out of myself, so I hope it does for you.
The preparation is amazing. Knowing what things are going to be like ahead of time makes EVERYTHING easier, which is why I’ve created the easiest birth course out there — The Online Prenatal Course for Couples, where we prepare you from the get-go by knowing exactly what you need to know as you journey into parenthood. Come with me!
Or, if you’re not ready for the full course, check out my free prenatal course — It’s your first step to becoming your own boss.
