A few years ago, I was on a consultation call with Evelyn Tribole, a fellow registered dietitian and co-author/co-creator of “Intuitive Eating,” when he said three words that made me go, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!” Since then they haven’t left my head.
These words? “Non-consensus diet”.
The context for this discussion was a client who was put on her first diet when she was eight years old. I wish he was the only client of mine who was put on a diet without his consent as a child, but alas, he is not. This is unfortunate on many levels.
- Being told your body is wrong at a young age sets the stage for a lifetime of body hatred.
- Being forced to restrict food and possibly also engage in forced physical activity takes away power and ownership over our bodies – again, at a young, vulnerable age.
- Indoctrination into the idea that to be accepted you must shrink or modify your body.
Project EAT (Eating Among Teens and Young Adults) research. from the University of Minnesota is a research study that sheds light on the harms of dieting in early life.
Now, there are many things that children have to do that they may not consent to. Taking shots. Going to the dentist. Going to school when they have to give a book report. They sit in the back seat without pinching their sibling while on a long car trip. But while these things may bring up some unpleasant memories (perhaps with a laugh thanks to the perspective of adulthood), they don’t hurt the way the non-consensual diet does.
This loss of positive integration, the reduction of your ability to feel at home in your body, has serious consequences.
Shedding the cloak of shame
My master’s thesis was on a weight loss intervention for children. I chose this project at a point where I was still immersed in diet culture and believed that my purpose in life was to help other people lose weight.
Ironically, I was turning to a non-dieting perspective as I worked on my dissertation, listening to hours and hours of audiotaped sessions with the child, their parent, and a therapist. Parents were instructed to praise their children for healthy behaviors such as doing “good” food choices or participating in physical activity. They shouldn’t have been praised for losing weight. My job was to note any instances of verbal praise.
I remember my father visiting shortly after I finished my thesis. He asked me if the children in the study had been bullied at school because of their weight. I said I didn’t know, because I wasn’t in direct contact with the kids, but it would be reasonable to expect that many of them were (because, hello, we live in a freaking anti-fat society).
My dad said, “Well, I guess that’s a good thing, because it probably motivated them to lose weight.”
I’ve never (figuratively) had to bite my tongue as hard as I did at that moment. If I were a cartoon character, I’d have steam coming out of my ears. When I spoke I was very, very firm and I think I deserve an award for not screaming at my father. I said, “Bullying and weight shaming is never, ever, EVER an effective motivator for positive change!”
In fact, shame keeps you stuck, at best, and contributes to poor self-care and — when weight is the source of the shame — disordered eating habits.
The road to disordered eating
I ask all my new clients about their diet history, including how old they were when they first tried to lose weight, and how long ago their most recent diet was. I also ask questions about their childhood food environment.
- Was their body criticized and by whom?
- Did their parents try to put them on a diet or watch their weight?
- Were there different food rules for them than for other members of the household?
- Did they sneak food or engage in sneaky eating?
Unfortunately, most of my clients answer yes to all of these questions. And generally the sneaky or stealthy eating started after the rest.
When a child feels ashamed and has no idea how to deal with these feelings, no wonder they turn to food. (And thank God they choose food over something harmful like quitting or using drugs or alcohol.)
If a child is hungry but is not allowed to have a snack or eat seconds at dinner or eat enough of the first serving to be full, then No wonder they hide food and eat it when no one is looking. And the act of secretly eating can take on a life of its own, becoming more of a rebellion or even morphing into a binge eating disorder.
If a child isn’t allowed to have favorite foods, then it’s no surprise when they lick them off at parties, buy them with their allowance, and put them on a pedestal. The forbidden fruit has the sweetest taste. Time and time again, I watch people who are adults finally come to terms with foods that were off-limits as children – having them in the open, without having to be hidden – only to discover that they don’t like them anymore. Yet these foods have held their forbidden allure for DECADES.
Scapegoat
I’m tired of research showing that fat kids are more likely to suffer from depression, especially when this research does not take into account whether these children are subjected to weight stigma or bullying by their parents, their pediatrician, children at school. I bet it is, and the answer shouldn’t be that a kid should try to change his growing body so he won’t be treated like crap.
Don’t blame weight, when it’s society’s opinion of weight, that’s the real problem. Don’t make the body a scapegoat.
Kids of all body weights benefit from being active in ways they enjoy, whether it’s active play or actual sports. They also benefit from eating a variety of nutritious foods and from feeling safe, loved and respected. I wrote about this a few years ago on The Seattle Times When I got excited about WW (Weight Watchers) offering free memberships to teenagers, all the better to get them into diet culture.
I myself was indoctrinated into diet culture through Weight Watchers without consent (my father made me leave) when I was 16, so I know what I’m talking about. I have a client who was introduced to Weight Watchers when she was in fifth grade. She says she learned all kinds of disordered techniques by listening to grown women at meetings, providing great fuel for her eating disorder.
Dieting is an assault on the body that has lasting effects. Children need to be taught to trust their bodies — about food and in general. A girl who is taught that her body’s physical cues cannot be trusted may someday not listen to her intuition that she needs to get away from a boy who is sexually pressuring her.
Questions and concerns about release
Did you diet as a child, teenager or teenager? Non-consensual dieting is a difficult legacy to release, especially if it essentially led to a lifelong pursuit of an “acceptable weight.” Here are some questions for reflection or journaling:
- How do you feel about being indoctrinated into dieting before you reached the age of consent? (This question makes the most sense if the idea of consensus around diet is brand new to you.)
- How do you deal with the damage done by dieting and programming that your body is not enough?
- If you feel anger or loss, but know that your parents believed they did the right thing, how do you reconcile the two? How do you acknowledge their good intentions while honoring the impact it had on you and doing the work to repair the damage of that impact?
One of my favorite episodes of cookbook author Julia Turshen’s podcast is the one where he interviewed Evelyn Trimbol. Midway through the conversation, Julia mentions that although she has no children, read the chapter in “Intuitive foodabout raising an intuitive eater and imagined what it would have been like to have grown up that way. I often talk to my clients about “re-parenting” themselves, but I honestly never thought of this particular chapter as a useful parenting tool. Now, I recommend this chapter, and sometimes I even recommend the book “How to Raise an Intuitive Eater.” Sometimes, we need to retrace our steps to allow healing to begin.
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Carrie Dennett, MPH, RDN, is a registered dietitian nutritionist based in the Pacific Northwest, freelance writer, intuitive nutrition consultant, author, and speaker. Her superpowers include; debunking nutritional myths and empowerment of women feel better about their bodies and make food choices that support pleasure, nutrition and health. This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute personalized nutrition or medical advice.
Looking for 1 on 1 nutritional advice? Carrie offers a 6-month Food & Body program (intuitive eating, body image, awareness, self-compassion) and a 4 month IBS management program (How-FODMAP diet coaching with an emphasis on increasing food freedom). Visit the links to learn more and book a free introductory call to see if the program is a good fit and if we’re a good fit!
