4 things to consider before trying Backdoor for the first time
Str8 Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from straight men about sex, dating and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he gives honest advice, breaks down stereotypes and gives it to you straight — err — gays. If you’re interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we’ll respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly Instagram or email at [email protected]).
The question
I think I’m finally ready try anal sex but I am concerned about some of the risks that come with it. Is there a chance I could get injured? I want to make sure I take all the necessary precautions. – Keith, New York, NY
The answer
Congratulations. You finally found the courage to have a good hearted person come up to your back door. And why not? After all, the prostate is an erogenous zone that can make you orgasm that much more powerful.
But since I’m one side of myself and don’t usually partake in anal sex (I suffer from colitis and tend to be a little lazy), I hit up the ever-knowing Jonathan Baker, PA-C, ( aka “Rectal Rockstar” on Instagram) for his expertise in the matter.
Aside from the ever-present risk of catching an STD (use protection!) or HIV (again, use protection or go on PrEP), here are the four biggest things (besides the one important thing) to keep in mind before start on all fours and assuming the position:
1. Douche, but Don’t Over-Douche
“I recommend starting with a fiber supplement, a high-fiber diet, and lots of hydration,” advises Baker. “Many people can eliminate poop simply by optimizing what they eat and drink.” But if you want to “cleanse” before sex, she recommends using a bulb-syringe or store-bought enema (i.e. fleets, but empty the liquid) with tap water and no more than three times.
“It’s best to limit this, as enema use is associated with anal damage and infections,” she adds. “Excessive cleansing before sex can irritate the skin and make sex uncomfortable or even painful.”
2. Lube Up
“Spread the lube liberally on both the anus and the penis or fingers before insertion,” says Baker. “I recommend a silicone-based lube (eg Liquid platinum) because it takes a long time.”
And while numbing lube might seem like a good idea if you’re worried about pain, think again.
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“I advise avoiding lube that contains a numbing agent, because it can dull the pain that would otherwise mean something has gone wrong,” says Baker.
3. Take things slow
“During initial introduction, take it slow and stop as often as needed,” says Baker. “Patience is key and remember that frustration will cause the sphincter to tighten and possibly cause injury. “Both partners need to work together and communicate to make anal sex work.”
RELATED: How to talk about sex with a partner
A good way to make sure it doesn’t go faster than you want it to? Riding with your partner in cowboy style.
“Having the receptive partner on top allows them to control the speed of insertion,” notes Baker.
RELATED: 10 Fun, Creative or Kinky Gay Sex Positions Illustrated
4. Try to relax
“Relaxing and releasing the rest of the tension in your body will help relax the anal sphincter,” Baker emphasizes. “The anus reflexively tightens when touched, making foreplay with the anus essential.”
If a fissure occurs, it will usually be extremely painful. If bleeding continues, seek medical attention immediately.
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With all that being said, don’t let the new knowledge stop you from being sexually risky and taking a chance.
The most important aspect of putting your feet behind your head is finding a partner you can trust. This person will need to exercise a significant amount of patience and communicate with you along the way. There should be zero pressure to go through with it completely and you should never feel rushed or in pain.
RELATED: The dos and don’ts of anal sex
Also, if you feel like sticking a rod up your rectum will automatically make you gay, get over yourself. Concrete data suggests that about a third of heterosexuals enjoy anal sex. Think exploration and think no more.
Life is too short and meant to be enjoyable. You don’t want to be on your deathbed looking back and thinking, “I really wish John had put me right when the opportunity presented itself.”
You can also dig:
