Have you heard of the trend that no one wants to follow? Right now, the US is reporting an alarming increase in the sexually transmitted disease syphilis, which alarmingly includes congenital syphilis (where the infection is passed to babies during pregnancy). As for the UK? Gonorrhea and syphilis are coming back stronger than low-rise jeans and tiny bags for TikTok girls.
While STDs are an occasional occupational hazard for a sexually adventurous life, it’s important to be aware of the growing number of infections out there, the precautions you can take to take care of yourself and your partner(s) – and what to do if anything less -The fun comes later.
No, it’s never fun to find out you have a sexually transmitted infection – and there’s a huge stigma surrounding the conversation. Have you ever heard someone refer to themselves as “clean” when asked about their sexual health status? Having chlamydia, gonorrhea, or HPV is not a moral weakness, but much of the language surrounding these infections perpetuates the idea that sex is shameful and that having an STD makes you “dirty,” “ugly,” or “bad.” . We surveyed thousands of people who have sex, and less than 50% felt comfortable telling others they had been treated for an STD. It’s clear: us need to address this taboo.
What really matters is taking care of your healthand how do you tell people you tested positive to empower them to take care of their health as well. So what will you do if you find out you are a member of the STI club? Henn Mossery-Golan shares their tips…
What to do if you test positive for an STD
Did you spot any scary symptoms (small bumps on your vulva/penis, unusual discharge, pain during sex or urination) and get it checked out? Found an asymptomatic case in a routine checkup? Welcome to the STI Club. First, make sure you get your STD treated. Next, it’s time to make sure your partner(s) are aware. Our co-founder Dr Sarah Welsh, who worked for years in NHS sexual health clinics, explains:
“It’s important to proactively share your STD status with your partners in general. Not only are you helping them protect themselves, but you’re practicing great sex manners that stand you in good stead when the conversation gets a little tougher. It may be uncomfortable, or not as big of a deal, if you’re not experiencing symptoms, but remember that if left untreated, some STDs can cause infertility, pelvic inflammatory disease, or further medical complications.”
Have you had a positive test and need to inform your most recent partner(s)? Think about what you want to say and what they really need to know. If you’re nervous, take a test drive with a friend first. Sometimes saying it out loud instead of playing it over and over in your head can give you the confidence boost you need before actually revealing it. Here are our top tips:
- Plan how to break the news
40% of us prefer to tell a partner about an STD diagnosis in person. However, if you don’t feel comfortable or safe doing so, you can tell them by text, over the phone, or use the anonymous services of your sexual health clinic to do so. Think about your relationship with the person you are informing. If you’re in a committed, monogamous long-term situation, it’s probably best to have a sit-down conversation. If you play the field or practice ethical non-monogamy, this may allow for a less face-to-face approach.
- Be direct
Don’t beat around the bush (so to speak). Be clear and focus on the facts to avoid misunderstandings – your aim is to inform them and encourage them to get tested. They may be upset, anxious or angry, so be prepared for a crisis in the heat of the moment. Be clear about your personal boundaries as well. If you don’t want to talk about how/where/who is involved, you don’t need to share additional details.
- Be responsive, not defensive.
Talking about sex can feel vulnerable at the best of times, but it’s important to be confident when breaking the news. Your partner may feel nervous about getting tested themselves, so try to proactively support them and guide them through the next steps if needed. If you used an STI test at home, could you please share the link so they know exactly where to order theirs online. Your open attitude will help inform their own response.
- What’s next?
Use this open-ended moment to discuss what you can do to prevent getting or passing on an STD again. Packaging protection is key: condoms and dental dams are easy to carry and very effective when used properly. Top tip: if you introduce lube into the equation, be sure to use a water-based formula, as oil can degrade latex, leaving you open to STDs and/or pregnancy.
We know it can be scary or difficult to approach this topic with ex-partners, but we hope this guide was helpful and you feel comfortable taking your next steps. If you need additional tips or are looking for similar stories, check out ours HANX Life Forumwhere you can anonymously share stories and ask for help on anything from sex tips to book recommendations.
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