Go crazy; Could it be early onset dementia? Depression? Worry? What’s going on with my skin, my hair, my attitude, my life?! Why can’t I get up from this chair? This was me in 2021.
A recent diagnosis of ADHD does not change the past. I’ve always had ADHD and managed just fine. In hindsight it affected me regularly, especially when my hormones fluctuated (so once a month then!). But okay, okay, I survived. That was until perimenopause hit and I was no longer well and just couldn’t take it anymore.
2019 was difficult for us as my stepson had a successful but intense battle with cancer. Covid was scary as he had no immune system but we got through it all fine. Covid changed everything for everyone, didn’t it? I didn’t notice the slow creep of perimenopause symptoms or how they added to my undiagnosed ADHD as we were all dealing with a global pandemic.
It was hard to gauge what was outside of my normal because we were all living under a new normal.
I’ve always been a hands-on and problem-solver. I meet people where they are, not where I am! But suddenly I couldn’t move forward. The world was opening up again and I was stuck in a rolling chair on my phone, frozen and unable to do basic tasks.
The slow flutter of anxiety I always felt was my tool for getting things done. But suddenly there were waves of panic in the chest. And the rage! The sweet, hormonal rage! At the same time, my sense of ADHD justice was now on hormonal steroids and I was beside myself with sadness and rage at what was going on around us. I just couldn’t deal with it all and I knew something was wrong. I wasn’t sure if it was perimenopause or ADHD? Hot flashes and lack of sleep were the final symptoms that prompted me to address perimenopause first.
My doctor told me I was too young (44) and it couldn’t be perimenopause.
But my ADHD helped me hyperfocus and do my research beforehand, so I waited for a brush-off. I knew what I wanted.
As I explained to my doctor, I had allowed myself to be ruled by hormones since I was a teenager, and I wasn’t going to be stuck in my life for a few years until I reached the “middle” age that fits with access to treatment. Once I started discussing vaginal atrophy and sex, she couldn’t get me off the phone fast enough.
I found a local specialist and made a private appointment to make sure I got the right dose and advice. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) provided immediate relief to almost all of my symptoms and I am a 100% advocate for it. My husband was no longer afraid of me and I stopped feeling like I was going crazy. Great, problem solved!
…Or not! The lifelong coping mechanisms I had established to get me through school, my work life and home had been wiped out during the change in routine in the Covid era. In addition, I now had some understanding of ADHD and realized that HRT did not help with these problems.
I decided I needed a routine – time to get back to work!
But I had changed too much. It was a huge effort to make it through and look normal and functional. After I finished work for the day it took me the evening to recover. But at least I did something. I desperately wanted to keep working and knew I would need help, but I felt stupid and fake for thinking I had ADHD. My two brothers are both diagnosed, but I was the ‘normal’ one. I think it was hard to see my symptoms when there were two “classic” boys with ADHD and I was the pleasant girl who was silently bubbling inside him but didn’t say anything.
I’ve heard people say, “we’re not all a little ADHD,” but when it affects you and your life, your family, your coworkers, how you see the world, and (most importantly) yourself, that’s when can disable you.
I decided to contact a local ADHD charity and start the diagnosis process. I didn’t have the strength to work and deal with my doctor for a referral. It took a while and I finally got the official diagnosis and started medication.
The diagnosis helped me to recognize and acknowledge and start dealing with things from the past, planning what helps and being a little kinder to myself.
ADHD meds are trial and error, sometimes they are super helpful and sometimes they make me feel like crap and it’s just not worth it. But they help and I can decide when to take them. The first time I got them I got up to get a glass of water. This is the story. No noise, no side quests. I got up, had a drink, went back to my office. Absolute magic!
As I am in menopause my hormones are still fluctuating and so can my ADHD. If I recognize this, I can schedule my work and day/week to fit how I feel and what my brain can physically do without burning out.
I could cry about how bad things were for “my past” and how things might have been different if I had known then. But I didn’t and that’s okay, at least I can look forward with awareness and kindness to myself.
If you suspect you are in menopause or have ADHD and are struggling, then don’t hesitate to seek help and/or a diagnosis.
Ultimately, HRT & ADHD meds haven’t solved 46 years of existence, but the world is changing. Brook seems to be right at the forefront of adapting our services and learning about neurodiversity and the sexual health of women of all ages, so I’m excited to be here and talk about it.
