Within: It’s easy to feel guilty about what your child eats (or doesn’t eat) at mealtime. Here’s why you can relax.
From the very first moment of motherhood, it can feel like there are endless things that make you feel like a crappy mom.
Maybe it’s a well-intentioned but judgmental comment from someone or a self-inflicted shame spiral after seeing a “perfect mom” with her “perfect family” (sort of) on social media.
Food is one of the big ones: how you feed your child, what your child eats, what your child it doesn’t eat. As a dietitian, I’ve been on a few food-related guilt trips myself over the years (see: Biggest Lessons I’ve Learned About Feeding Kids ).
In case someone hasn’t told you lately: You’re not a bad mom. You are a large mama. And in case you need any extra encouragement today, I’m here to tell you that you can officially stop feeling guilty about these five things at dinnertime.
#1. Vegetables that are not eaten
Yes, vegetables are good for us. But it is not the end all of food. In other words, if your child hates every one of them, all hope is not lost.
While your kids are still learning to taste and like vegetables, they can get similar nutrients in other foods, especially fruit. And you can continue to expose your children to vegetables at meals and snacks, because exactly seeing vegetables count as exposure.
Remember: We’re playing the big game here. We look down and be patient. It’s not about how many bites of broccoli your child will have at dinner tonight. It’s about building a healthy relationship with food, and that takes time.
See more: Your child hates vegetables. now what?
#2. Processed foods
Despite what you may hear, there’s no shame in using packaged and convenient foods to get dinner on the table. These foods make it easier to prepare family dinner, and that’s a good thing.
However, it’s also true that a diet high in highly processed foods – the kinds that are more heavily processed and tend to contain more sodium, added sugar and additives – can be linked to some health problems.
So it’s about balance. Here are some real ideas:
- Serve a large tossed salad and fruit if you have frozen pizza.
- Place brown rice and roasted broccoli on the plate with fish sticks in a box.
- Rely on processed foods that provide more nutrients at dinner, such as canned beans, frozen vegetables, and dry whole-grain pasta.
See more: You don’t have to avoid processed foods. Here’s what to do instead.
#3. Ketchup, BBQ sauce and Ranch sauce
Enjoy sauces and dips at your table if your kids like them. They can make an intimidating food seem a little friendlier, serving as a “bridge” that encourages your child to try (and hopefully like) different types of food, such as vegetables.
They can also make bland or even bitter vegetables more palatable and appealing – meaning your kids might eat more of them. In one studypreschoolers ate more broccoli when served with dip.
As your children become more familiar and comfortable with new foods, they probably won’t need as much extra flavor to enjoy them. For now, consider it a useful tool.
Yes, these sauces and dips contain added sugar and other additives. But I’d rather cut sugar elsewhere (like less sugary drinks) and keep those condiments on the table. If you’re worried about your child eating ketchup with a spoon (ahem, I’ve been there), pour a small amount on their plate or in a small bowl.
Just don’t let concerns about added sugar, sodium and fat make you discount the taste of foods like vegetables. Roasted broccoli is much better with a little salt. Sauteed carrots are transformed with a little butter and brown sugar. And as my kids used to do, asparagus might taste better when dipped in ketchup.
See more: In Defense of Ranch Dressing
#4. Dessert
It’s okay to serve dessert regularly. But dessert shouldn’t be a reward for eating dinner or dependent on how many bites of vegetables your child ate.
Here’s why: When dessert is associated with eating other foods, especially vegetables, kids may begin to see that food as a gross thing to pass up in order to get something better. Breaking that link helps take the power out of dessert as a bargaining tool. No more “two bites of broccoli and you can have dessert” bribes.
Nutritionist Ellyn Satter, author of Child Of Mine: Feeding With Love and Good Senseactually suggests serving small portions of dessert WITH dinner. He says that when dessert comes off its pedestal, it becomes just another part of the meal.
And even if they devour the cookie first, they can move on to their other food and eat until they’re full. They don’t race through dinner to get to dessert.
See more: Serving dessert with dinner. Sounds crazy but it works!
#5. A hot mess
If you’re not having perfect family dinners where everyone’s smiling, using table manners, and accepting second helpings of Brussels sprouts, guess what? You are a normal family!
Especially when kids are young, dinnertime can be loud and messy and, let’s face it, not always pleasant.
Chaos at dinner time is okay. Keeping up the habit of eating together as a family (when you can) is what’s important – even if that sometimes means dinner in the car or on the sidelines.
And this will make it easier!
See more: The truth about family dinner
