If you ask most people what they want from life, the answer usually includes something like “I just want to be happy”. But after almost a century studying what really makes life satisfactory, Dr. Robert Waldinger, Psychiatrist and Director Harvard’s study of adult developmentHe says we are aiming for the wrong target.
Despite social media, corporate culture and culture they tell us, happiness is not about achievements or measurements. More money, more fans, more awards, these so -called “achievement emblems”, do not add constant satisfaction. During a recent group in The New York Times Well Festival. Waldinger said that this pursuit is wrong and can keep us from what really matters.
The actual source of fulfillment
So if happiness does not come from external success, where does it come from? According to Waldinger – and almost 80 years of research – the answer is simple, if not easy. During the group, he explained that relationships and purpose are at the core of fulfillment.
Whether it’s a family, friends, romantic partners, or even colleagues, real happiness comes from connection. And not only occasional contact, but substantial commitment and check -in with people, showing, listening and care. Waldinger says it is about building a “foundation of social prosperity”.
Through years of personal exploration and research, Dr. Waldinger has realized that he reflects ancient wisdom: true fulfillment lies in being fully present and linked to something greater than himself, a basic teaching of Zen’s Buddhism. This understanding was of deeper importance when, in 47, he found himself to deal with the classic middle -life question: “Is it what exists?”
Instead of sinking into despair, the expert of happiness found clarity and direction through Zen. “Zen’s practice brought me back to the truth of this moment,” he shared.
Midlife reality check (which can really help)
About 47, Waldinger hit a wall that many people know well. It was a phase of questioning, where success did not feel as satisfying as it was. In search of answers, he arrived at a turning point when he stopped running from the basic truths of life and began to confront them. Waldinger found clarity in a Zen chant that became his personal mantra:
“I am by nature growing up. There is no way to get away to become old. I am by nature to have bad health.
While this may sound dirty at first, Waldinger found it releasing. “Someone finally tells the truth,” he said. It was for the people to stop the little things and wondering a strong question: “Does this really matter?” Most of the time, it doesn’t.
Reset your priorities
During the table, it shared some simple steps to reset your priorities when it comes to finding true importance.
- Stop chasing happiness: Instead, invest in relationships and participate in what makes sense to you.
- Try small, deliberate connection operations: It turns out to be a quick 10 minute call or even a text to someone you are interested in can go a long way. Research shows that these simple moves help you stay connected and build what experts call “the foundation of social prosperity”. Basically, the more you control, the stronger your network and your well -being.
- Explore attention or meditation: These practices can help you connect with yourself, stay grounded and appreciate the present time.
- Do not ignore the inconvenience. Challenging the direction of your life is not a crisis, see the opportunity to find what makes sense for you. Waldinger encourages yourself to ask “how would you like to spend the day’s wake up?”
Takeaaway: Happiness is not a destination
As Waldinger sees, the biggest myth is that happiness is a destination. According to him, it is not something you get with the accumulation of more. It is something that comes when you live with a connection and purpose. “You won’t be happy all the time,” he says, “but happiness is likely to find you more often.”
So the next time you feel like you fall back to the race for success, a pause. Call a friend. Think about what really matters. Because a life that lived well may not be as quantified as we want it to be. Both research and human experience show that it is built through moments of presence, purpose and important connections.
